Do relationships without name calling really exist?

[Chazzy19876]

DH has called me everything under the sun during our time together. A couple of times when blind drunk but mostly in heated arguments. Has always blamed me saying it’s a reaction to what I have said or done.

I am like everyone else, have my moods, my down days and of course get irritable. I just don’t ever feel I deserve to feel this insecure about myself or that I really deserve being called these things.

This morning I was told I was pathetic, and that my friends all think I’m this well together person but it’s all fake.

DH grew up in an abusive home with an abusive father. I try and be understanding but I can’t help but think he will never change and he’s just hard wired this way. He says he is sorry but it always always happens again. That wont change will it.

So is it possible that even in arguments that name calling doesn’t happen?

Do you share bank accounts, @Chazzy19876? If you do, ensure that he can't empty the joint current/savings accounts by removing half into your own, separate account, which have passwords he's not aware of. I've seen so many threads in here where, one of the first thing the man does, is empty the accounts. He's already being aggressive in saying he'll sell the house.

I agree with another PP - contact Women's Aid and see a good solicitor ASAP. 🌹

DH and I fight on occasion and sometimes we even say things that hurt the other person, but we have never resorted to name calling and the hurt has never been intentional.

I grew up on an extremely abusive environment and I have never once been tempted to resort to abusive behavior.

Absolutely. If you love that person why would you want to hurt them. Having said that, if he grew up in an abusive home then this might be all he knows. I grew up in a similar home where shouting was the default and when I was first with my partner my go to was to just shout when I was angry. It took working on myself but I rarely raise my voice now and am able to articulate what I'm feeling. I would suggest he gets some therapy to learn how to control his behaviour when he experiences certain emotions. I wouldn't just throw the relationship away. Then maybe try some couples counselling to see if there's things you can implement to make this better

My parents have been married 50 years and they don't call each other names. They also very rarely argue (I aways wanted a marriage like my parents).

My ex used to call me names and it destroyed my self-confidence. It's not normal to call someone you love a c**t or a frigid cow,he used to call me stupid (I have a degree I worked bloody hard to get so am anything but stupid).

Name calling is putting someone down and isn't right.

He needs to grow up and use his big boy words. You also need to stop. Certainly not blaming you, I've been in an DA relationship I understand how you are feeling.

You need to decide if this can work. Do you want your child to grow up in this? Does he want his child feeling the same way he did? My ex said he didn't want our D.C. to grow up in the same way he did, yet couldn't help himself so I left.