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Original poster

Fed next door neighbour's 5 year old a burger... oops!

85 replies

JC2021 · 14/06/2021 22:57

Really random one, but it has been on my mind as to whether i did the wrong thing - depending on the parents..

so next door a 5 year old girl on (some occasions) plays with my boy, we were in the garden - it was sunny around 5pm - my husband was making us a BBQ, he offered her a burger to which she said 'yes, with no cheese!'

At age 5 I would have thought it OK to offer her directly - I then immediately felt I should have checked-in with her parents i know, my husband is very chill/relaxed with kids.. but it has definitely fallen on me..

the mum messaged me that night saying 'thank you for the treat..she enjoyed it' but since hasn't let her play in our garden..

Each time the little girl now comes close to ours her parents call her in/away.. :/

Oversight on my part I know, any one would have responded differently?

We are fairly new neighbours of 2 years..

OP posts:
paradisaea · 14/06/2021 23:42

I would be worried about food allergies

FortunesFave · 14/06/2021 23:43

It's nothing to do with the burger in all probability. If it were then she certainly would not have thanked you specifically for it....bit weird to call a burger a 'treat' though!

Is there anything else you might think of? Maybe your child and hers don't play as well as you think?

FortunesFave · 14/06/2021 23:43

And you're right of course...at 5 it's best to check. That's still small...

Iggi999 · 14/06/2021 23:45

At that age mine would have wanted a burger, and we often ate burgers, but they were all veggie burgers. So I wouldn't be very happy! But I would also have told anyone whose house they were in that we're vegetarians.

MissDollyMix · 14/06/2021 23:46

This is the kind of thing my dd would do given half a chance! If I was the other mother I’d be feeling a bit embarrassed that my child was seemingly going round harassing/begging the neighbours for food and I’d maybe also discourage her from coming back in case I thought we’d upset you by taking your food!

purpleme12 · 14/06/2021 23:46

I would have done same as you to be honest OP
Wouldn't worry some people are wired

purpleme12 · 14/06/2021 23:46

Wierd

tatasa · 14/06/2021 23:51

Hardly the crime of the century, but it used to irritate me when my kids told me they didn't want my home cooked, relatively healthy meal because they had burgers/pizzas at the neighbors. Just told them to come home in future when the neighbors where eating, and they did.
But yes, probably best to check with parents first.

LoopTheLoops · 15/06/2021 00:18

We don’t eat meat so I do think 5 is too young to ask and would have been better to ask the parents just incase sounds like it could be something else though as I wouldn’t have thanked you 😂

alexdgr8 · 15/06/2021 00:34

guess basically your husband was treating her like any guest in his house/garden.
whereas it later occurred to you that there may be issues whereby you should check with her parents first.
i can see both sides.
try not to worry. discuss with your husband for future events.
by the way i hope young neighbour said please and thank you, not just, yes, without cheese !
maybe her mother didn't want you to think she was hungry/ not fed enough. who knows. don't let it worry you.

spongedog · 15/06/2021 00:37

Perhaps invite the whole family round for outdoor drinks, cake etc? If you are fairly new neighbours then mum might not want her 5 year old at yours on her own. (Although I do think that Mum and Dad should be more responsible). You might find out without asking what underlies this.

smudgemylife · 15/06/2021 00:50

I think @MissDollyMix has it. I'd be mortified if my child was imposing on someone elses BBQ! I think if mum had a problem she would have let you know in the text, you're overthinking it.

earthyfire · 15/06/2021 01:04

My mother is old school and feeds anyone and everyone without a thought about allergies or whether a child's parent wouldn't want them eating something specific so she would have done the same however, having younger children myself and one with a food allergy I would have asked first. What's done is done though so I wouldn't dwell on it.

dopeyduck · 15/06/2021 01:06

If you fed my DS a burger you could have killed him. He's anaphylactic to multiple foods. He CAN eat some burgers so would probably think all were safe and accept it. Whilst I understand he's the minority you really should be careful.

FortunesFave · 15/06/2021 01:06

@smudgemylife

I think *@MissDollyMix* has it. I'd be mortified if my child was imposing on someone elses BBQ! I think if mum had a problem she would have let you know in the text, you're overthinking it.
Mortified? Over a burger? The child was there...they wanted a BBQ. It's a burger. If they thought she was imposing, they'd have sent her home.
CrazyCatsAndKittens · 15/06/2021 01:09

I think it would have been better to ask her parent either by telling the girl to go and check or sending a quick text.

Nicolastuffedone · 15/06/2021 06:04

Yes, I would’ve checked first….

Goatinthegarden · 15/06/2021 06:24

@dopeyduck

If you fed my DS a burger you could have killed him. He's anaphylactic to multiple foods. He CAN eat some burgers so would probably think all were safe and accept it. Whilst I understand he's the minority you really should be careful.
Surely you would make sure anyone looking after your son had his emergency medication and were aware of his allergies though?

If this were the case for the small child in OP’s garden, it would be fairly negligent of the parents to leave her somewhere without making the adult in charge aware she could have a severe allergic reaction.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 15/06/2021 06:27

It's most likely that she's embarrassed you fed her child and feels like she imposed or worries you think she doesn't feed her or something like that. Alternatively she might be unhappy that the child ate a burger for some reason but that's less likely.

FluffyPJs · 15/06/2021 06:29

I teach 5 year olds and those of mine with food allergies or who are vegetarian KNOW this and will tell/ remind me whenever we have food in the classroom. They also have to declare it to the school cook each day when lining up to make sure they get the right food, so I doubt the child was veggie, she's old enough to let you know.

I think I would have been annoyed if my child had been fed without my knowledge, mainly because it's most likely they were preparing a meal which their child then wouldn't want because she'd had a burger. If you are on a tight budget, wasting food is galling.

Next time (if she ever comes again!) I would check!

Mumdiva99 · 15/06/2021 06:31

If a child is old enough to come play unaccompanied then they are able to answer a question would you like a burger.

There were a couple of occasions my kids ate too much junk at the neighbours before a meal (which they loved!) So I just made sure I explained if they were playing out before a meal just to have a couple of sweets not a bag.....

If have child had allergies and was going off alone the parents should say so that there are no issues.

Iggly · 15/06/2021 06:32

Maybe their mum realised that they should keep closer tabs on where their five year old is. Also that it makes them look a bit lax, especially if she was there at your meal time (so the mum might feel embarrassed about the whole thing).

Sweetpea84 · 15/06/2021 06:42

I would probably check next time before given food, but my youngest has food allergies and intolerances so I would hate if somebody fed my child without checking first.

RickJames · 15/06/2021 07:03

If your child has serious allergies and you send them round to my house and don't mention said allergies then you are, frankly, the cause of the danger. Not me, handing out a few cookies and apples.

I've always had parents mention allergies, thank goodness. Children are also pretty good at self-declaring allergies and forbidden foods, IME.

I have no idea what has upset the mother OP, the 5 year old could have even told her a tall tale about how she came to eat the burger. 5 year olds can be pretty creative Smile

MistyFrequencies · 15/06/2021 07:10

This thread is so strange to me. To me it would have been rude of your husband not to offer her something when she was there at time of bbq. Everyone worried about allergies etc, surely if the child had that severe an allergy the parent would mention to neighbor as she is at their house a lot? Or if the child is not capable of monitoring their own food intake, they shouldn't be playing there without parental supervision?
I would (and do)feed any child at my house when we are eating, on the above presumptions.