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Original poster

Fed next door neighbour's 5 year old a burger... oops!

85 replies

JC2021 · 14/06/2021 22:57

Really random one, but it has been on my mind as to whether i did the wrong thing - depending on the parents..

so next door a 5 year old girl on (some occasions) plays with my boy, we were in the garden - it was sunny around 5pm - my husband was making us a BBQ, he offered her a burger to which she said 'yes, with no cheese!'

At age 5 I would have thought it OK to offer her directly - I then immediately felt I should have checked-in with her parents i know, my husband is very chill/relaxed with kids.. but it has definitely fallen on me..

the mum messaged me that night saying 'thank you for the treat..she enjoyed it' but since hasn't let her play in our garden..

Each time the little girl now comes close to ours her parents call her in/away.. :/

Oversight on my part I know, any one would have responded differently?

We are fairly new neighbours of 2 years..

OP posts:

purpleme12 · 15/06/2021 07:13

@MistyFrequencies I agree
If child has allergies their parent should say straight off

Jasmine11 · 15/06/2021 07:18

I think her mum is embarrassed that you had to feed her child as she was there at dinner time instead of home within her parents where she should have been. She maybe feels that you thought you had to feed her child as she wouldn't get a decent dinner at home or something along those lines?

cocoloco987 · 15/06/2021 07:19

I'd expect a 5 year old to know if they were vegetarian or had a serious allergy. If you were worried a response could have been sorry I should have checked it it was ok but I imagine it's a bit late now as it reads like it happened a while Ago. Mum is possibly embarrassed

zombielady · 15/06/2021 07:24

We have the neighbour's kids in all the time. If I offer food I ask them to go ask their parents first just in case they'd already planned something for them.

WimpoleHat · 15/06/2021 07:25

If a child is old enough to come play unaccompanied then they are able to answer a question would you like a burger.

Agree with this. If a child is so young that you’re not happy for them to make their own calls about food etc, you go with them or make sure you are very explicit with the other parents. You don’t just let them randomly play with the neighbours and expect the neighbours to micromanage.

SinkGirl · 15/06/2021 07:30

@RickJames

If your child has serious allergies and you send them round to my house and don't mention said allergies then you are, frankly, the cause of the danger. Not me, handing out a few cookies and apples.

I've always had parents mention allergies, thank goodness. Children are also pretty good at self-declaring allergies and forbidden foods, IME.

I have no idea what has upset the mother OP, the 5 year old could have even told her a tall tale about how she came to eat the burger. 5 year olds can be pretty creative

Exactly. My twins have allergies, as do I, and it’s the first thing I mention if anyone might have any reason to give them food (and snacks can happen any time, so that’s any time they are anywhere really!). Mind you my twins have never been to play somewhere without me as that’s not possible, but I always make sure I mention it just in case especially as they can’t tell people themselves.

heartstickers · 15/06/2021 07:32

I think if the mum is this precious about a burger she wouldn't have let her 5 year old gatecrash someone else's bbq when she wasn't around.
She clearly felt at ease enough to let her child play is someone else's garden and I'm pretty sure that if the child had any issues at all, mum would have been with her.
Relax! Maybe the mum just feels that she now has to invite your family over for a bbq ! LOL!!!

Febo24 · 15/06/2021 07:33

How long are we taking since the burger incident and the child not playing. If we're talking weeks and it's noticeable that she not coming over then yes, consider the suggestions above. If it was this weekend then who knows, maybe they were busy! Or want some boundaries so that the kids know that just because everyone's home and in the garden, it doesn't have to mean play time?

Coffeemakesmehappy · 15/06/2021 07:38

Out of interest, was she actually in your garden at the time, or in her own garden meaning that the burger was offered over the fence?

cocoloco987 · 15/06/2021 07:42

If you fed my DS a burger you could have killed him. He's anaphylactic to multiple foods. He CAN eat some burgers so would probably think all were safe and accept it. Whilst I understand he's the minority you really should be careful.

You do really need to teach your ds that not all burgers, or anything else for that matter, are safe for him. That's very worrying that he thinks all food items are safe just because there is a version available to him that is. I hope you inform the parents of anywhere he is playing too so these mistakes aren't made?!

Charliebradbury · 15/06/2021 07:49

If you have a child with a food allergy you have to teach them to be able to list their allergies and take ownership of them. My dd had a nut allergy until she was 6. She always said "I have a nut allergy" she would always ask for food to be checked. A 5 year really should be able to at least say " I have x allergy"

Jasmine11 · 15/06/2021 07:52

@dopeyduck

Surely you let everyone whose home you allow your son to play in about these allergies though, so in your case the OP wouldn't have given your son a burger. I doubt allergies are the problem here or the mother would have let OP know in her message.

Lalliella · 15/06/2021 07:54

Talk to the mum! So many supposed problems on here could be solved with a bit of communication! Say to her you’ve been thinking about it and are worried you over-stepped the mark giving her a burger, won’t again if she’d prefer you didn’t, and ask if everything is ok as you haven’t seen her DD lately.

IdoIdoIdoOoh · 15/06/2021 07:55

I've stopped my son going next door as he would eat there, I have absolutely no problem with the family or the offering of food.
I didn't want my son intruding on their family meal times that's all it is, they play outside together still and it's all fine.
I wouldn't look into it op, especially as she thanked you for the burger.

SoupDragon · 15/06/2021 07:56

A burger isn't just a snack so there is every chance the child didn't eat her dinner or whatever and that's why the mother is annoyed.

partyatthepalace · 15/06/2021 07:57

I wouldn’t worry about it.

It is best to check but it’s not a huge deal. It might be the other mum is embarrassed or the are veggie or maybe it’s nothing.

Good idea to invite them round to get to know them

ThePlantsitter · 15/06/2021 07:58

@Lalliella

This.

edwinbear · 15/06/2021 07:58

Any child I've ever had for a playdate who has food allergies, the parents have made sure I'm aware of them before waving them off.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 15/06/2021 07:58

Agree with pp above. If child is old enough to come to play without their parents, they're old enough to make their own food choices. If there are any allergies or dietary requirements and the child isn't cconfident in making them known, I would expect the parents either to be there supervising or to make it clear to me as the adult in charge.

BirthdayCakeBelly · 15/06/2021 08:11

I would have shouted over the fence and checked first. It’s not like you were miles away and the mum probably had dinner waiting at home.

That said, it wouldn’t bother me personally. I usually only check with the parents first if it’s something sugary, like sweets. I’d expect to be advised about allergies if I had a child in my care.

Coffeemakesmehappy · 15/06/2021 08:13

@Lalliella

I agree. Could be something as simple as self isolating, and absolutely nothing to do with the burger at all!

Redjumper1 · 15/06/2021 08:19

Mum might be thinking she is too relaxed with a five year old where she is in neighbours gardens, eating burgers etc. Perhaps she has decided to monitor her more. It may have nothing to do with you.

FlowerArranger · 15/06/2021 08:19

@Lalliella..... what you said!

beetlesandants · 15/06/2021 08:23

You haven't done anything wrong.
If her daughter had any allergies the parents should tell you before they let their daughter play in your garden.
Don't worry about this at all. If they are funny about you giving their child food it's a very sad/pathetic world.
Some people get funny if their child is given something they think is unhealthy.
It's an occasional treat when you are visiting someone else.
If they don't want their daughter to play with your son anymore over this I would say 'get a life'

beetlesandants · 15/06/2021 08:26

Ps I think you are overthinking this.
Forget about it.

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