Fed next door neighbour's 5 year old a burger... oops!

[JC2021]

Really random one, but it has been on my mind as to whether i did the wrong thing - depending on the parents..

so next door a 5 year old girl on (some occasions) plays with my boy, we were in the garden - it was sunny around 5pm - my husband was making us a BBQ, he offered her a burger to which she said 'yes, with no cheese!'

At age 5 I would have thought it OK to offer her directly - I then immediately felt I should have checked-in with her parents i know, my husband is very chill/relaxed with kids.. but it has definitely fallen on me..

the mum messaged me that night saying 'thank you for the treat..she enjoyed it' but since hasn't let her play in our garden..

Each time the little girl now comes close to ours her parents call her in/away.. :/

Oversight on my part I know, any one would have responded differently?

We are fairly new neighbours of 2 years..

The only way you'll know what's what OP is to be proactive and invite the girl round again to play at your house.

The mum's reaction to your invite will tell you whether it's embarrassment, the fact that it was a meat burger, an allergy or something else.

You're both adults - have a conversation! Your DC might appreciate it, especially if they'd like to keep playing with each other now the weather's great for playing in the garden.

Was the child at your home for an organised play date? Or had they just dropped round on their own?

If organised the parents should have told you what they wanted food wise at drp off.

Otherwise if the parents consider the child responsible enough
to go visiting on their own they should also accept that they will make their own food choices.

Why don't you clear the air and ask the Mum directly?

Blame your DH for giving her the burger and ask Mum if it was OK for her to have it.

Otherwise you will always wonder.

5 is too young to know what she can and can't eat. You need to ask her parents next time.

5 is too young to know what she can and can't eat. You need to ask her parents next time.
Then 5 is too young to be plonked next door without an adult @Itsokthanks.

@dopeyduck

If you fed my DS a burger you could have killed him. He's anaphylactic to multiple foods. He CAN eat some burgers so would probably think all were safe and accept it. Whilst I understand he's the minority you really should be careful.

I childmind for a child with multiple allergies and an epipen. Everyone we see regularly (So other childminders) know not to feed any of my children (We don’t generally, but in this case, it’s a definite no). If you are sending your Allergic 5 year old to play somewhere Without you, it is crucial that the adult who will be supervising them, have that information. I don’t think the Op has done anything wrong giving the child a burger. The children were playing happily and it was nearly tea time. I suppose with hindsight, maybe you should have asked as the parent had probably made a meal for their child that now wouldn’t be eaten, but it’s just one of those things. I’d be grateful that my child wasn’t left out and had a nice afternoon playing with a friend.

I don't think the neighbour has any business being pissed about it - she wasn't looking after her 5yo and this absolutely isn't OK.

If a child is too young to know what they can and can't eat, then they either need a parent supervising them or they need to be in the care of people like school who will have required allergy instructions etc. Or properly handed over to another adult with these instructions.

I am always really surprised at threads like this - people letting very small children roam and then getting pissed that things aren't as they wish.

Any angst here is 100% the fault of the visiting child’s parents .

If a child has allergies then it’s their parents job to advise you or appropriately supervise their child.

If it’s more about eating something they’d rather she shouldn’t - then they should have been supervising her .

I’d imagine most of the people saying they’d have expected to be asked about the food would have been there to be asked and supervising their child

Also, when we moved in we invited them over for a drinks/nibbles thing - they are a family of 5 in total.. they didn't reciprocate and don't seem majorly open/friendly to be honest - we've done our share of putting ourselves out there to them..

I also think I'm overthinking it but as a mum of one, it's good know/be aware of other parents opinions on this for future..

@JC2021

Also, when we moved in we invited them over for a drinks/nibbles thing - they are a family of 5 in total.. they didn't reciprocate and don't seem majorly open/friendly to be honest - we've done our share of putting ourselves out there to them..

I also think I'm overthinking it but as a mum of one, it's good know/be aware of other parents opinions on this for future..

Introverts find social events very difficult. They might be shy.