DP of 6 years, own a house together, no DC, love each other very much. Got together youngish so we've grown together in many ways.
Over the last 18 months he's struggled with depression and anxiety. He's been quite open about it, and has been to the GP and is on medication. He won't do counselling, just isn't open to it although I have tried to encourage.
The medication seems to do this thing where it works so well for a 12 week or so period and life is amazing, when all of a sudden he changes. He goes extremely snappy, no patience at all, and we argue a lot. I can't seem to do anything right. It makes me feel horrible and anxious. When this happens he has to wean off the medication and then it goes away. It's happened about 3 times or so now and then after some time off the medication he feels he needs to start taking it again as the anxiety/low mood creeps in.
After these episodes in the past he's explained it to me as follows:
He gets a sense of 'fearlessness' like none of his actions have consequences and that nothing really matters to him. He feels he can say what he wants and he doesn't think about how that might make me feel.
In the past during these strange periods of behaviour he's said things like 'we should just sell the house, I don't want this anymore' or 'I'll go back to my mums, you keep the house' etc. All really upsetting to hear when everything has been fine and he's been happy as Larry a week prior. After these weird 'episodes' he reflects on it and says I can't believe I said all of that. He seems to be genuinely scared about the things he says, one time he came home from work and said he'd wondered what it'd be like to step in front of the train, but stressed he wouldn't have actually done it.
Another one of these awful periods seems to have just started again. He's been on the meds again for about 3 months and the last few days have been bad.
I just handed him a cup of tea, handle facing him so he could just grab the handle. Instead he grabbed the whole cup and said 'ow!' So I kept hold of the cup so he didn't burn his hand and said, grab the handle! I'm unfortunately not psychic so didn't know he wanted me to quickly let go so he could put the cup on the side. He shouted so loud at me and it shocked me and made me tearful, it was that and also just an accumulation of other things that have happened over the last few days. He said 'really!? How pathetic' as I got up to leave the room.
I don't recognise him when he's like this, it's like a different persons taken over my loving DP. It's horrible and I don't know how much longer I can do it for.