Husband has a crush on our close friend

[Spottybluepyjamas]

Hello all, my husband and I are good friends with a woman in our close circle of friends and he admitted last night when we were joking around about something else that he had a crush on her. He said he loves me, has no intention of acting on it and doesn't want to act on it. I don't doubt that he loves me but I'm pretty upset. The woman has no idea,

Am I overreacting by being upset? He isn't saying that I am at all, but I'm really taken aback by this and don't really know how to feel. It's really surprised me because it's happened when we've been at our strongest, and we're a happy couple anyway. He says that he's at his happiest at the moment as well.

He says that everyone gets crushes at some point and he can't help how he feels, and the most important thing is that he would never act on it or do anything to jeopardise our relationship, but I feel like I'm always going to be looking over my shoulder from now on. Can anyone offer any advice?

I am going to be honest. I would have a problem with this , not only because he had a crush on a close friend but the fact that it is probably obvious to said friend.
I would wonder if he was fantasising about her during sex with me.
I would ‘appreciate’ the fact that he told me the truth, but I would hate it

Cruel and emotionally incontinent to tell you this.

Hurtful.

How does he think you’re going to feel the be t time you have sex?

He’s a selfish idiot.

Surely it depends what he means by a crush? If it's simply that he thinks she's an attractive woman, fine. That's just normal.

I see a crush as being more "think about them all the time" type of thing, the object of all his fantasies, goes weak at the knees in her company. I don't think I could deal with that.

Given the context that this came up in, ie the husband went bright red and was directly asked about it. Had he lied either directly or by omission he would have been guilty of gaslighting his wife, which is a form of emotional abuse and thus domestic violence. Is that what people are actually advocating he should have done here?

Gaslighting is a terrible thing that eats away at your self esteem, and causes incalculable damage over time. The OP had the intuition to press him on something and had he lied about it would have forced the OP to either accept his line over her own gut which is a terrible position to put anyone in.

At least she is in possession of all the facts, and is at liberty to make her decision. If this is a red line for her and the relationship cannot be salvaged, if she does want to try she knows what she’s working with.