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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MARAC domestic violence 2

84 replies

Littlelegs2 · 10/06/2021 22:04

Hi I posted a few days back but can't find my post. So my daughter fleed domestic violence back in November. Well today I found out she's been in contact with him. Whilst he's been in prison. He's been in prison for around 6 months. Now I was hoping she would use that time to distance herself/move on . But a short while back she had contact with him for 20hrs . She said that was over a couple of weeks. And there's no been no contact for a month.

Professionals found out and now my grandson is on the child protection register. Daughter was put into emgency accommodation due to the domestic violence. He now has her phone number. Social services think he knows where she is although Daughter says he does not. Social services want her move from where she is either by approaching another council or by going to a refuge.

I feel so upset and sad for her and my grandson. I don't understand why she has done this . She was with him for about 9 months . He's not her sons father . So it's not even like it was long term and the violence happend over time. It was all pretty fast.

Basically if she does not show that she's stopped contacting him/they find out she has been in contact with him . Her son will be put in care.

I honestly don't know what to do .

OP posts:
JudyGemstone · 10/06/2021 22:13

Oh bless you, that must be such a worry.

What support does she have in place currently? I would have thought an IDVA at least. Has she been offered freedom programme or RTK?

Unfortunately I don’t think there’s anything you can do. People have the right to make bad decisions but they also have to deal with the consequences of those decisions.

Would you consider taking temporary residency of your grandchild?

Californiabakes · 10/06/2021 22:14

Is he in prison for domestic violence? Marac is generally for the most serious offenders.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do except support her. It can be really difficult for victims to break away from perpetrators. Awful for all of you though. Is she getting any other support?

OverByYer · 10/06/2021 22:18

Sorry but there’s not a lot you can do in terms of stopping this happening other than remain a support for her and your grandson. If you know who the social worker is I would do all you can to build a positive relationship with them and work together

OverByYer · 10/06/2021 22:19

@Californiabakes MARAC cases are those deemed high risk not necessarily prison cases

Original poster
Littlelegs2 · 10/06/2021 22:23

@Californiabakes

Is he in prison for domestic violence? Marac is generally for the most serious offenders.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do except support her. It can be really difficult for victims to break away from perpetrators. Awful for all of you though. Is she getting any other support?

Yes he is in prison because of what he done to her. Hes due out in a week
OP posts:
Bellbottomstovetop · 10/06/2021 22:27

I would reach out to social services yourself. You may be able to take custody of your grandson if he is removed from her care, assuming you are capable of doing so.

Unfortunately situations like your daughters happen time and time again. There is only so much that you can do. But your grandchild needs to be seen as the priority as heartless as that may seem.

OverByYer · 10/06/2021 22:28

OP if he’s in prison then he should be coming out on licence and he will have conditions.
Was he in prison for offences against your daughter? If so they may put conditions on his licence

OverByYer · 10/06/2021 22:31

Sorry I just saw it was for offences against your daughter. If so then there should be conditions put on him that may include him not to contact her, preventing him going to the area where she lives or works . There should be a victim liaison officer from probation who should contact your daughter and let her know

Original poster
Littlelegs2 · 10/06/2021 22:53

@OverByYer

Sorry I just saw it was for offences against your daughter. If so then there should be conditions put on him that may include him not to contact her, preventing him going to the area where she lives or works . There should be a victim liaison officer from probation who should contact your daughter and let her know
Well before she spoke to h. He found out where she was . We think it may have been court papers. And he wrote to her. So she had to get moved. At first he also had some sort of dodgy phone in prison do he was contacting her. At that point she kept reporting it and was not taking his calls . She then changed her number so was no contact at all. Then a mutual friend gave the number to him and they both started talking again. So he's breeched his no molestation oder several times . But nothing has been done. He's not the sort of person to take notice of a bit of paper that tells him he should not do something. Also I think they can only help If dd stops contact with him
OP posts:
OverByYer · 10/06/2021 23:48

Helpful friend!
She should report the breaches to police, they will take it seriously. It’s good there is an RO in place but it only works if she reports any breaches. If he breaches license conditions he can be recalled.
One of the positives of being in Marac is all that information is shared between agencies

Californiabakes · 11/06/2021 09:40

[quote OverByYer]@Californiabakes MARAC cases are those deemed high risk not necessarily prison cases[/quote]
Yes I know that, I was just asking the question regarding reason for imprisonment.

How is your daughter feeling about it all @Littlelegs2

Original poster
Littlelegs2 · 11/06/2021 10:31

Dd is on her way to me so she can drop her son of with me. Then she's going to another council to ask for help. I'm not sure how she is mentally/emotionally. But I'm just hoping the meeting yesterday was enough to scare her into moving on properly.

OP posts:
Californiabakes · 11/06/2021 16:42

Really hope it all works out @Littlelegs2

OverByYer · 11/06/2021 18:43

Sorry @Californiabakes didn’t mean to offend you.
@Littlelegs2 hope it all works out for you all

Original poster
Littlelegs2 · 12/06/2021 11:05

I think I may have misunderstood the situation. Grandson is on the at risk register under section 47. There is a conference within 14 days . And I think they are going to decide if Grandson is taken into care or not. Part of me is thinking if they were going to take him they would have done by now? But on the other hand her ex is due out of prison on 18th so it could be that's why they have not taken him yet.

I don't think they will even consider me to have him. As my house is over crowded. I have to sleep in my living room.

My heart is breaking and I don't have any control what so ever .

OP posts:
something2say · 12/06/2021 11:13

I'm sorry, you dont have any control no. If your daughter decides to continue contact, to allow it despite the risks, then that is her right as an adult, but the child is protected by law and if her choices place him at risk, he is safer elsewhere.

funnylittlefloozie · 12/06/2021 11:16

I'm so sorry, Littlelegs. This must be awful for you. Unfortunately your DD is showing that she can't keep herself safe and away from this thug, so its vanishingly unlikely that she will keep her own child safe either.

The prison will have a department called Public Protection Unit that deals with exactly these situations, including unwanted contact from prisoners. If prisoners are using the prison PIN phones, numbers can be blocked. If they are using illicit mobiles then its harder, but they can still hunt out the illegal phone, especially if they have clear evidence of it being used.

Unfortunately your DD's behaviour has flagged her up as risky... and now everyone is suffering. Its a very sad situation.

Original poster
Littlelegs2 · 12/06/2021 11:24

@funnylittlefloozie

I'm so sorry, Littlelegs. This must be awful for you. Unfortunately your DD is showing that she can't keep herself safe and away from this thug, so its vanishingly unlikely that she will keep her own child safe either.

The prison will have a department called Public Protection Unit that deals with exactly these situations, including unwanted contact from prisoners. If prisoners are using the prison PIN phones, numbers can be blocked. If they are using illicit mobiles then its harder, but they can still hunt out the illegal phone, especially if they have clear evidence of it being used.

Unfortunately your DD's behaviour has flagged her up as risky... and now everyone is suffering. Its a very sad situation.

I'm really hoping that as there has been no contact for a month they might take that into consideration. We have ordered a new chip for her phone so that will all be charged. I have said she should (put herself) on the freedom programme not wait for social services to do it. So they can see she's doing things for herself. I don't know if it will mean anything though.
OP posts:
OverByYer · 12/06/2021 16:58

If your daughter can show that she is making changes or will be helpful but the only thing that will really make a difference is for her to have no contact with him. Must be so upsetting and frustrating for you

MrsBertBibby · 12/06/2021 17:05

Where is your grandson's dad?

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 12/06/2021 17:09

@Littlelegs2

I think I may have misunderstood the situation. Grandson is on the at risk register under section 47. There is a conference within 14 days . And I think they are going to decide if Grandson is taken into care or not. Part of me is thinking if they were going to take him they would have done by now? But on the other hand her ex is due out of prison on 18th so it could be that's why they have not taken him yet.

I don't think they will even consider me to have him. As my house is over crowded. I have to sleep in my living room.

My heart is breaking and I don't have any control what so ever .

Ok let me help unpick this Section 47 is an investigation. The threshold is met for a child protection conference which will determine whether he will go on a child protection plan or not. They may also have had a legal planning meeting (parents don't attend this) to determine whether it meets the threshold for legal proceedings or pre legal proceedings (PLO). If they go into PLO they will have a meeting which your daughter will attend with a solicitor called a meeting before action/proceedings. They will ask her who they can assess to care for the child. Would you be willing to do that? They may ask her to consent to hand the child over to you or to a foster carer. If they do that they may go to court after that to formalise it.
Original poster
Littlelegs2 · 12/06/2021 17:14

@OverByYer

If your daughter can show that she is making changes or will be helpful but the only thing that will really make a difference is for her to have no contact with him. Must be so upsetting and frustrating for you
I really hope so. She's going to do the freedom programme. I have sent of for a new phone chip for her. Hopefully she will get moved as well . I think until we have the meeting I'm going to panic no matter what
OP posts:
Original poster
Littlelegs2 · 12/06/2021 17:14

@MrsBertBibby

Where is your grandson's dad?
Hes not around
OP posts:
baldafrique · 12/06/2021 17:18

Is she thinking of resuming the relationship once he is out of prison?

MrsBertBibby · 12/06/2021 17:59

OP I think you need to accept your daughter isn't going to stop seeing this man.

If you don't have room, and there's no other family to step in, your grandson is likely to go into foster care.

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