The coffee thing is not a 'date' as such, it is a screening meet up arranged within 48 hours of messaging, to be done before a week of messaging has taken place. 45 minutes to an hour, no going for a walk or anything at all afterwards.
I am not going to waste an entire evening, plus time spent getting dressed up etc on a man who smells of mothballs, or slurps coffee spillage from his saucer, or who keeps licking his lips when he looks at me, or who has nothing to say for himself. Because dinner with men like that is Fecking Awkward.
OP, you let the screening coffee drag on too long - in future, no lovely walks, no long chats. Because otherwise, those talking about the men having to put in the effort are right. They think you are too easily won.
Men value you at your own estimation. So be too busy to 'screen' them for more than an hour. Let them do the asking out and the planning, as mentioned by others. Never accept a weekend date after Wednesday. Never take a call after 9pm. Certainly do not be available for same-day meets - 'oh, what a shame, I'd have loved to but I'm busy.' Always end the conversation first - phone or text.
And never ever assign any value to courting that can be done whilst sitting on the toilet.