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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online dating, ghosting

80 replies

morethanspice · 09/06/2021 10:16

Nothing new I guess but I’m so confused by someone I met on a site. Great online chemistry, met for coffee within a few days. The date got extended to a lovely walk and seat in the sunshine and an agreement to meet again. Follow up messages confirmed the mutual attraction. Then suddenly he stopped messaging and hasn’t opened my last one, a reply to his previous one.
I’m not stupid, his social media reflects what he told me and he was not particularly confident. Just lovely company and not sleazy at all.
I’m just feeling if this is how it is what on earth is the point. Suppose at least this one made it to an actual date.....

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 11/06/2021 11:49

I think the danger of expecting fancy first dates and the man 'winning' the woman and proving himself worthy is that it can attract love bombers and mysonigists, who frankly I can do without. I was wined and dined and those men were no better! They turned out to be cocky and entitled.

I'm a simple soul and a coffee by the beach, a nice simple walk is fine, I don't think it shows any less interest from a man, in fact to me it would prove that he's also happy with the simple things in life.

There's no set rule for success with dating, it's down to many factors.

seensome · 11/06/2021 12:29

Not sure how this thread has gone from ghosting to what we should expect on a date but I'll add my pennies worth Grin
If a guy makes the effort and insists on driving nearer to me for a date, I know he's genuinely keen to meet me, I would feel uncomfortable to accept him buying dinner for a first date as I'd feel bad if I didn't like him, coffee seems so unromantic I can't imagine ever fancying someone in a boring cafe, I would meet in a nice bar/ pub, somewhere I can dress up a bit nicely for, for one or two drinks only.

Lovelydiscusfish · 11/06/2021 15:47

On my one and only ever Tinder date (we are still together nearly a year on) we went to the pub. It was near to his work so I travelled there, as I wasn’t working that day and he was. We paid for alternate rounds - I drank four pints of cider! (Class act, me….we were both quite nervous to be fair and I think drinking quicker than we usually would). We did not go for a walk afterwards but he walked me to the station and waited for me to get my train, in a “gentlemanly” fashion, if that counts? (In truth, there wasn’t much gentlemanly about it - he was hoping for a kiss, and he got one!)

I am not sure where this falls on the coffee-to-dinner date spectrum, but it worked for me as I met a man who is all I could ask for a more….. 🤷‍♀️

If he had suggested a video call or even a phone call first I would have run a mile - we still never speak on the phone but are in touch all the time - we are texters. I hate phonecalls and Skype or similar is my worst nightmare.

If he had suggested a fancy meal I would similarly have been put off. I hate eating out in restaurants - I dislike the formality and always feel like some weird kind of fraud - to this day he and I have never had a formal meal out together - it’s just not what either of us is in to…..

I remember one date I went on that was not OLD but similar in the sense that we had met once before, I barely knew him. I told him I wanted to go to a pub, and about the type of pub I liked. He ended up taking me for some massively flash meal instead (to be fair I shouldn’t have gone when I found out what he had booked). I felt uncomfortable throughout, and it put me right off. Even tho he did pay, which was very kind….

You see, my current fella suits me down to the ground. Our preferred night out is the pub! That’s how we started and that’s how we continue.

Could it be that there is no one-size-fits all solution, and everyone should just go on the type of dates they think they will enjoy? And then be likely to meet the kind of person who enjoys the same type of stuff as them? Radical thought, I know…..

If OP enjoys coffee and a walk, why shouldn’t she have coffee and a walk? It wouldn’t be my choice of date, but it’s up to her, isn’t it? We are all different.

wizzywig · 11/06/2021 16:11

I'd love to be chased and woo'd and made to feel special in little and big ways

burnoutbabe · 12/06/2021 10:41

@Lovelydiscusfish I agree about doing what you like.
I enjoy going to the cinema so had plenty of first meets at cinema. Which meant it wasn't that intense as a long meal would be, bit of chat before and after to see how we got on and actually not a total waste of an evening.

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