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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

OH isnt making a fuss his dad touched me

98 replies

sas1879 · 03/06/2021 15:21

Basically I have put up with his dad inappropriately touching me for 25 years because I want the grandchildren to never see him in a bad light. OH knows about it but just lets it go. Last weekend though at the social club his father touched me up in front of others. I made a fuss and he and his lady friend left OH was on duty selling tickets so didnt know. Friends were shocked but lovely to me. Next day i got a text with a sorry its the drink. I ignored this text. Eventually showed OH a few days later and he just seemed disappointed. He must of said something to his Dad though as He said I was flirting which is rubbish I was trying to ignore him while talking to friends. I think I am more upset that OH seems to be on his dads side than mine. I am now at a loss of what am I supposed to do when someone who fell to pieces last year when I almost died and asked me to marry him on Christmas day thinks this is okay.

OP posts:

TheSandgroper · 03/06/2021 15:28

You call the police and get out of the relationship is what you do. Your do is seriously weird or damaged.

Either way, it’s not safe for you or your children.

TheSandgroper · 03/06/2021 15:29

DP, that is.

Ifimight · 03/06/2021 15:31

Hate to say it, but how do you know he's not also touching your children? If he's so bold a sex attacker as to do it in broad daylight in front of everyone. I hope he never has access to your children.

tinysundancer · 03/06/2021 15:31

It is not OK for any one to touch you inappropriately - it is physical abuse. As the last post said it is not safe for you or your children and your partners attitude to all of this is equally bad and abusive - get to a safe place

TDogsInHats · 03/06/2021 15:33

I don't understand the logic in saying you don't want the grandchildren seeing him in a bad light.
Grandchildren should not be seeing this pervert at all.

HollowTalk · 03/06/2021 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2021 15:33

I’m not sure about calling the police to be honest.

My father in law did this once to me. He was drunk. I friggen went nuts ans called it out to everyone nearby . My husband ignored it. Because his fathers reaction if he had said anything would have been apocalyptic.

I think make it very clear you won’t see him again. Or if it happens again you will call the police. But you need to be very clear here

I’d message back and say to him if you ever touch me inappropriately again I will call the police on you

And leave it there.

Whitney168 · 03/06/2021 15:33

I want the grandchildren to never see him in a bad light

Christ, I'd want them to know exactly what they were dealing with and ensure they were never within 6ft of him.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2021 15:34

@Ifimight

Oh that’s bad, you can’t accuse him of being an incestuous paedo. That’s a too big leap.

mbosnz · 03/06/2021 15:34

I wouldn't worry about the grandchildren seeing him in a bad light. They should see him in a bad light, he's sexually abusive and sexually assaulting you on a regular basis. Have you thought about either kneeing him in the balls, or grabbing them and twisting them as hard as you can, the next time he does it, while yelling, lay off of me you fucking filthy pervert? How about suggesting to your 'D'H and your FIL that this will be exactly what happens if and when he gets less than a foot near you next time?

What happens when it's your niece or your daughter? Are they expected to put up and shut up so as to spare your 'D'H and that maggot of a man?

Sorry, slightly triggered here.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/06/2021 15:35

You see him in a bad and accurate light, wouldn’t you want your children to do the same?

Your number one job is to keep them safe from harm. By covering for a sex offender you’re not doing that.

Topseyt · 03/06/2021 15:41

@Whitney168

I want the grandchildren to never see him in a bad light

Christ, I'd want them to know exactly what they were dealing with and ensure they were never within 6ft of him.

So would I.

Why the fuck to you not want the grandchildren to see him as he really is - a pervert?

You don't want them to see this behaviour and think it is normal (and they will see it, whether you think they do or not). Nor should you want them anywhere near him. He may well start to touch them inappropriately as they grow up. Why wouldn't he?

You need to protect your children. If that means chucking their pervy grandfather out of their lives and telling them why then so be it.

tinysundancer · 03/06/2021 15:55

You mentioned he is a 'drinker' as well - another reason for his grand children not to be around him
He blamed the drink for what he did to you - what else is he capable of when in drink - its no excuse for what he did sober or in drink

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/06/2021 16:00

So say you had been flirting, does that mean he's quite happy for his dad to feel you up?

Completely fucked up and I can't belive you've put up with it for 25 years OP. Sack your your arsehole of a partner off, and his pervy dad.

MrMeeseekslookatme · 03/06/2021 16:03

Are your DC female? If so, get them the hell away from this man!

Ifimight · 03/06/2021 16:12

Oh that’s bad, you can’t accuse him of being an incestuous paedo. That’s a too big leap.

Why is it?

Melitza · 03/06/2021 16:13

Next time grab your fil’s hand , hold it up high and shout ‘I found this on my arse, anyone know who it belongs to?’

Better still go nc with him.

Inthesameboatatmo · 03/06/2021 16:13

Why the hell have you put up with this for 25 years op ?
Leave , run for the hills as fast as you can ,run from the fil and the useless unsupportive husband who quite frankly should have had an absolute fit at his own father for sexually assaulting his wife .

HotSauceCommittee · 03/06/2021 16:13

If you must stay with you partner and see his pervert father, next time, slap him, hard.
I'd call the police with all those witnesses though.

CassandraTrotter · 03/06/2021 16:15

Why do you want your children to think a man is allowed to touch you and them?

You need outside help as youve completely lost all proper sense of boundaries.

BlueButtercups · 03/06/2021 16:17

Why are you protecting a dirty old letch over the safety of everyone in your family, especially your kids.

ajandjjmum · 03/06/2021 16:18

You're an adult - you can make your own decisions. Your children cannot. Please put them first.

Topseyt · 03/06/2021 16:19

@Ifimight

Oh that’s bad, you can’t accuse him of being an incestuous paedo. That’s a too big leap.

Why is it?

I don't think it is a big leap. This is a man with a poor sense of boundaries. It is something to be wary of.

SunshineCake · 03/06/2021 16:22

What has happened to you that you think this is something you have to put with so your kids have a grandad?

What has happened to you that you think this is the type of man who should be anywhere near your kids?

What has happened to you that you are going to marry someone who doesn't give a shit that his father is assaulting you on a regular basis ?

. You need help and fast.

GettingItOutThere · 03/06/2021 16:24

wtf - this is not okay. I would not be with a man who could not stand upto me.
end of story.

as for his father, how do you know he isnt touching your children? boys or girls?
quick arse grab on the way past?

you need to blow this up, you need to tell your children and keep this man the fuck away from your family

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