OH isnt making a fuss his dad touched me

[sas1879]

Basically I have put up with his dad inappropriately touching me for 25 years because I want the grandchildren to never see him in a bad light. OH knows about it but just lets it go. Last weekend though at the social club his father touched me up in front of others. I made a fuss and he and his lady friend left OH was on duty selling tickets so didnt know. Friends were shocked but lovely to me. Next day i got a text with a sorry its the drink. I ignored this text. Eventually showed OH a few days later and he just seemed disappointed. He must of said something to his Dad though as He said I was flirting which is rubbish I was trying to ignore him while talking to friends. I think I am more upset that OH seems to be on his dads side than mine. I am now at a loss of what am I supposed to do when someone who fell to pieces last year when I almost died and asked me to marry him on Christmas day thinks this is okay.

Just when I thought I had read everything on here.

You have put up with this for 25 years @sas1879 and your DP has known about this too?

What fresh hell is this?

I think you know what to do. FFS, leave this horrendous family.

I imagine the OP is busy putting her eyes back in their sockets and picking her jaw up off he floor. It's not easy finding out that everything you thought about how the world was supposed to work is actually subconscious insideous lies told to you by people who want you to forever tolerate their shit. OP probably thought she was an ordinary person who fully understood right and wrong. Now she's found out she doesn't and has no boundaries. It's a lot to take in. Maybe she's struggling with it or still in denial. Hope you're ok OP .

Would the friends who witnessed it have a word with your DH? Of course it shouldn't need that, but I'd be interested how he'd handle friends being appalled at his father.

Don't marry this guy. Tell him the engagement's off as he's not prepared to protect you from his father..

Why haven't you married this current boyfriend in the 25 years you have been together? Is it because of his awful letch of a father?

You must know on some level he shouldn't be assaulting you. And for PP to imply your boyfriend's father might be touching your children is not a step too far.

Oh that’s bad, you can’t accuse him of being an incestuous paedo. That’s a too big leap.

You what?

How many times has this happened?

How horrible.

Either way, it’s not safe for you or your children
Totally agree. Why are you trying to maintain a relationship between your children and a pervert?

Op do you have daughters? Do you want them to see this is normal behaviour and something they just put up from other people and or this is acceptable behaviour? Do you have sons? Do you think that they should grow up thinking they should put up with this from other or/and this is acceptable behaviour?
Would you tolerate this behaviour from a friend or neighbour because you don't want your children to see them in a bad light? I doubt it. Why treat your fil differently?

You've got the text as evidence, report him to the police for sexual assault.
He is touching you without your consent sexually, that is assault.
I would be worried he would do it to your kids, he clearly has no self control especially if he is bold enough to do it in front of others.

So you've been sexually assaulted by this man for 25 years? And your husband-to-be is fine with that?

And you don't want your children to think badly of him?????? You don't want your children to think badly of their sex pest of a grandfather?

Why don't you think this is wrong?

Probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal because you’ve been happily putting up with it for 25 years!! Why should he even see his grandchildren? Wow

I wouldn't necessarily jump from sexual abuse of an adult female by unwanted touching to assuming the abuser is also sexually attracted to our would abuse children. But I'd certainly keep my eyes open.

That being said, I certainly wouldn't be in that man's presence ever again and I'd make it clear to my 'd'P that I will NEVER go where he is expected and that if he entered my (our) house I would tell him to leave or leave myself.

Your dc will grow up to think this is how women should be treated (by both your Dh and fil)

The old man is a pervert and your dh is colluding. Protect yourself and your kids.

Why aren’t YOU making a fuss let alone your partner?!

Why on EARTH would you want this man even in the same room as your kids, never mind to see him a good light?! Jesus!

In terms of what to do: you sling out that useless, spineless apologist of an OH, if your kids are old enough (and if you’ve been together 25 years there’s a passing chance that are) you tell them why grandad isn’t allowed in the house any more, make sure they don’t see your OH’s father, and you report to the police.

Ewww why have you subjected yourself to this for so long ?

This is mad.

Why do women put up with this shit. Why do you think is okay for your children to grow up with this, trained to be silent victims of sexual assault.

Have you asked yourself these questions? Is it low self esteem, fear, Low self confidence?

Break the cycle now.

When you've put up with it for 25 years, why would he suddenly make a fuss? Serious question. Of course your FIL should never touch you inappropriately but from your DH's point of view it's been going on for so long you must be OK with it.

Your OH being dismissive is a deal breaker.
You know where you stand with him now.

Gather your anger and aim it at OH and his dad. Publicly. You have nothing to lose.

I think you've put up with more than enough. Refuse to have anything to do with him again.

Please go to the police. Cut all contact. How old were you when this happened? You need to stop this before he does this to your DC.

Sas, you’ve been assaulted for 25 years by your predatory FIL and your H has enabled the abuse. Is he always so invested in pleasing his father?

You have also been protecting FIL, to your own and your children’s detriment.

You have a daughter in her early 20’s. It is chilling to know that she and your other children have been exposed to this sex offender.

Please take steps to get away from these abusers. Consider seeking the support of individual counseling to help you navigate this deeply toxic situation.

Define inappropriate touching?

I have some friends that class a simple arm round the shoulder as hugely inappropriate while most of us dont.

Some find face kissing inappropriate (I personally HATE it) but for many its just friendly and Im aware there little malace intended.

Or is it say slapping/grabbing your ass or fondeling your boobs?
Ok, thats still fine in some circles (I have friends that dont mind a little titty jiggle among friends) but given the relationship it does seem inappropriate and suprising no one has addressed it as odd, I would jump to general sex pest before grandchild fiddling paedo though.

Is FIL married/coupled?
How does MIL react?
Does he act this way to others?

Really its just too hard to judge off what you said so far, I think just being clear that you dont like to be touched a certain way is the start point as whats normal to some is offensive to others.