OH isnt making a fuss his dad touched me

[sas1879]

Basically I have put up with his dad inappropriately touching me for 25 years because I want the grandchildren to never see him in a bad light. OH knows about it but just lets it go. Last weekend though at the social club his father touched me up in front of others. I made a fuss and he and his lady friend left OH was on duty selling tickets so didnt know. Friends were shocked but lovely to me. Next day i got a text with a sorry its the drink. I ignored this text. Eventually showed OH a few days later and he just seemed disappointed. He must of said something to his Dad though as He said I was flirting which is rubbish I was trying to ignore him while talking to friends. I think I am more upset that OH seems to be on his dads side than mine. I am now at a loss of what am I supposed to do when someone who fell to pieces last year when I almost died and asked me to marry him on Christmas day thinks this is okay.

@Ifimight

Hate to say it, but how do you know he's not also touching your children? If he's so bold a sex attacker as to do it in broad daylight in front of everyone. I hope he never has access to your children.

I agree with this.

It’s is important that your child know that this behaviour is not acceptable.

I understand that it is difficult when both you are your partner have been minimising but you have been repeatedly sexually assault for 25 years. This is not normal or right.

My step FIL used to try this shit with me. I called him put on it and made sure MIL and DH knew what sort of sleeze bag he is! My DD's were toddlers at the time and now they are 14 and 12 I am so glad we are now very low contact with him.

My DH initially thought he was just a harmless old fool and I can stand up for myself but the kids were never going to have to be around his revolting advances.

I don't think it is a big leap. This is a man with a poor sense of boundaries. It is something to be wary of.

I don't either... I wouldn't have him anywhere near my kids ..

I think both you and your dp have been minimising this for years, and it's good that you've decided not to tolerate it anymore. If you're dp is a good man it won't take long for him to get onside, but tbh I wouldn't hold it against him for not reaching breaking point at the exact same time as you.

@Bluntness100

“Oh that’s bad, you can’t accuse him of being an incestuous paedo. That’s a too big leap.”

The man has been sexually assaulting the OP for 25 years. He is sexually abusive. Sexually abuse is often about powers. Paedophiles often sexually abuse others not just children. This is not a man I would want around my children.

Completely fucked up and I can't belive you've put up with it for 25 years OP. Sack your your arsehole of a partner off, and his pervy dad.

In a nutshell. There are some shocking stories on this site.

Wtaf??

You’ve been putting up with this for 25 years?! Your OH knows but doesn’t give a fuck?!

Get away from them all. This is not okay, as you know. You absolutely cannot marry him.

Hypocritical of you to be unhappy about your partner not making a fuss when you are also doing the same but apparently for the sake of your children. Honestly that comes across as worse.
Obviously this is the behaviour of a lecherous predator and not in any way your fault but you have a responsibility to protect your children from the risk this man poses to every vulnerable person he comes across. Unbelievable that you want anyone to think this person is a good man, let alone your own children.

I hate to say it but if your husband has turned a blind eye to this repulsive abuse that his father has inflicted on you - he clearly thinks it is acceptable - do you think he may also be a risk to your children?

Why would you want the children to see him as a good man? His sexually inappropriate at best and excuses his disgusting behaviour with drinking too much.

Don't inadvertently tell them this is OK. It's going to fuck with their idea of what healthy boundaries are.

Get yourself down to a self defence class. Get them to teach you how to hurt him if he touches you again.

Unbelievable OP.

25 years this man and your husband think its ok for you to be groped.

He's so entitled he does it in public.

YOU want to protect HIS relationship with your children.

Unbelievable.

That is so fxxked up.

I wouldn't want him near not to mind near a child.

This man has no moral compass.

You are clearly meat.

OP, God help you, because you are in a completely boundary free zone to think he should be anywhere near you or your children.

And that he might be inappropriate with your children is NOT a leap.
Why would it be.
He has been mauling his DIL for 25 years..

25 years.🤷🏻‍♀️

WHY are you letting your children run the risk of him doing it to them?

A man who thinks it's okay to abuse his son's wife has no sexual inhibitions at all.

I'm staggered at your DH's attitude.

How many times has this happened? In what way does he touch you?

Have you discussed with your partner before? If so what was said?

So your FIL sexually assaulted you in private for 25yrs and for some reason someone or something has convinced you this is ok and you should tolerate it. Now you're engaged and FIL has escalated to assaulting you in public - those two things could be linked. Do you want to find out what happens after you're married? I wouldn't.

As for your children not seeing FIL (and your partner, for not sticking up for you) in a bad light - why shouldn't they see the truth of what's happening? Why protect your abuser and the person who condones it?

FYI if you flirt with someone it doesn't give them the right to grope you. So that 'defence' is null and void. "I was drunk/high/upset/angry" is also no defence.

@2bazookas

WHY are you letting your children run the risk of him doing it to them?

A man who thinks it's okay to abuse his son's wife has no sexual inhibitions at all.

I'm staggered at your DH's attitude.

There's something wrong with OPs partner that he thinks this is ok. Maybe he grew up seeing his father sexually assaulting his mother regularly by groping her either in the home or worse, in public. It happens. And if he's doing it to his DIL I'm willing to bet he also does it to his wife.

Concerned that OP has not posted anything else. Sounds like she's in a terrible situation...

I wondered if there had been some kind of historic abuse from FIL to son

Very disturbing that your husband has accepted this.

What a family you married into.

You and your children need protecting from your husband and his father.

Wtf?

what's your take on this response op ?

He not only accepts your FIL touching you, but he accepts him saying that you were flirting with him?

That is absolutely appalling. That he could actually think it's reasonable (or believable) for his dad to say you were flirting with him, beggars belief.

Random aside - you’ve been together 25 years but it takes you almost dying for him to propose? He sounds like a peach.
If you’re not married he’s not your next of kin and wouldn’t inherit in the event of your death. Just leaving that there ...........

@RiaOverTheRainbow

I think both you and your dp have been minimising this for years, and it's good that you've decided not to tolerate it anymore. If you're dp is a good man it won't take long for him to get onside, but tbh I wouldn't hold it against him for not reaching breaking point at the exact same time as you.

I would absolutely hold it against the OPs partner for not reaching breaking point after the very first incident 25yrs ago! The only acceptable level of abuse in any relationship is zero.

I hope to god you don't have daughters.

Why would you not want them to think badly of a man who sexually assaults you? Would you prefer your children think it's normal and either do it or accept it?