I’m at a total loss....I’m a 52 year old mother of 4. Resilient, independent, and confident... how have I now turned into a hybrid of both a teenager feeling hurt and sad and can’t stop thinking about him combined with the need to hurt the fucker so badly I’m Glenn Close in fatal attraction!!!
I’ve been in a relationship with the most amazing man for the last 18 months. There was instant connection and chemistry on so many levels but having said that I didn’t get swept up and think it was my happy ever after for a long time. From the start of this year though, I really thought, yes, this has something special and we had talked about things being very long term, most of this narrative was lead by him. Both of us had been married for a long time and between us we have 9 children so we have a lot of baggage. We were both prepared to take things slowly.
Last Friday, he left to spend a week in another country. We are not in the UK and as such have lived in stricter lockdown conditions for the last 15 months. There were some issues with him going, we had previously discussed them and he knew where I stood. Briefly, it’s a country he has spent a lot of time in, it ticks all his boxes and given the pandemic he can do his job anywhere in the world. I felt if he went out for a week there was every chance that he would stay on longer and I could see a case where he ended up spending the summer over there. I’ve always said I can completely see the benefits for him, but given the travel restrictions in my country it just wasn’t tenable for me to commute currently.
He made no effort to contact me the day he left ( last Friday) in fact didn’t even open my WhatsApp texts. I got a couple of texts on Friday night when he landed, and a couple of texts on Saturday night. On Saturday I asked him were we fighting and he replied not at all. I sent him a couple of pictures on Sunday of something I was doing that I knew would interest him, not opened and finally a text asking him was he still alive on Monday. That text was sent but not delivered. One grey tick only. My initial thought was he had lost his phone/it had been stolen so reckoned I’d hear from him within 24 hours... still nothing, still not delivered, still no contact. This man not only uses his phone 14 hours a day for work but would use WhatsApp as his means of texting his kids/ family/friends... there’s not a chance he’s been off his phone since Sunday
Yesterday evening I text his brother to ask him was there something wrong, honestly at that stage I was concerned he was in an accident/ hospital, I get on very well with his brother and had no reason to assume he wouldn’t reply. He hasn’t.
So here I am, 52, ghosted by a man that told me last week he loved me and I can’t quite believe he’s been that disingenuous. I’m hurt, angry at both him for doing this and myself for allowing him to believe him. I just can’t understand how an adult male, mature, responsible, intelligent can think it’s right to do this to another person. I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach and so bloody stupid for believing what he’s told me.
On a side note! Just total curiosity, I’m not blocked on his WhatsApp, I can still see his profile picture but is there anyway of him stopping my texts getting delivered without blocking??? Not that it really matters, but I do like to understand things.
I’m not looking for any anything really, I think I just need to ‘tell’ someone, honestly I’m too embarrassed to tell my girlfriends yet as I feel like such an idiot, nobody likes to feel disposable and not worth at the very least a short conversation and very clearly that’s what I was to him. This day last week he was telling me he loved me. I just don’t understand.