Age gap relationship & babies

[Staceyandco]

I am currently in a relationship with a man 18 years older than me. I am 33. While this may seem like a large age gap, to me it feels natural. I had my first child when I was 18, meaning my social circle has always included those much older than me through things like my sons school, mothers groups etc. in fact even as a child I always geared towards older peers. I don’t have any concerns re age. I’m very comfortable with my decision. Interestingly my own father is 20 years older than my mother - make of that what you will

My partner has adult children, 21 & 28, who are causing some complications for us. They’ve struggled with their parents separation and naturally their father starting a new relationship. Perfectly understandable. We’ve had some challenges along the way, mostly me feeling sad about their rejection, general rudeness etc but for the most part I think we can get through this aspect.

I would like to have a baby with my partner. I love him dearly and we are very compatible. I have read all the stats, and aware of the very minuscule risk his age poses.

However. My partners daughter has recently announced her own pregnancy. I doubt I will be a part of this babies life for a long time as she still has not accepted me. This really breaks my heart.
I’d love to share in that joy with my partner, but also because I am hoping for a baby of my own.
We have discussed this at length and age concerns aside my partner has said he would love to have a baby with me, provided his children are happy for him to do so………….
I understand of course their opinions need to be considered and understood, however - two people who are not ready to accept me (and may never) cannot be in control of our future in this way!?

I don’t know what to do. I can wait - ?!? Or I can walk. Is there another option I’m not seeing!?
I need a reality check, please!

[quote Staceyandco]@TrishM80 There are plenty 50+ year old who most certainly do want a baby[/quote]
I would imagine of the tiny number of 50+ men who genuinely do want a baby (and I mean genuinely, not just the ones who'll have another to keep their younger partner happy), the vast majority of those will be first time dads who have left it late, maybe having not found the right person til later in life. As much as I still think that maybe perhaps that perhaps sometimes people should maybe accept that the ship has sailed, I do understand why someone wouldn't want to miss the opportunity of being a parent.

Think about it, why would someone who's oldest child is pushing 30 really want to start all over again with sleepless nights, nappies, daytime naps, teething etc. And then mid 60s/early 70s whilst dealing with a teenager?

The 18 months you’ve been together have hardly been normal times - most of your relationship has been during the pandemic. If you want to have another child or two, make the most of things opening up again & try meet someone new closer to your own age who is keen on having children.

[quote Staceyandco]@TrishM80 There are plenty 50+ year old who most certainly do want a baby[/quote]
But your chap doesn't appear to be one of them sadly or he wouldn't be delegating his reproductive decisions to his grown children..

Sorry, but he’s too old. I know men’s delicate egos can’t handle being told they’re too old for something (no one holds back on telling women), but there it is.
The increased risks are not tiny as you suggest.
www.webmd.com/parenting/features/later-life-fatherhood-risks#1

It’s also all way to fast. You’ve known him 18 months, most of which was spent in lockdown, and he’d only been separated for 6 months prior to that. Of course his kids aren’t happy, and you can kid yourself as much as you like that your age isn’t a factor in that, but of course it is. No one would be thrilled their parent is dating someone just a couple of years older than they are. How would you feel if your mum started dating someone your age?!

Just slow down, it’s too soon to even be thinking about future children.

@doingthehoovering

Carrie and Boris, 33 and 54

And that’s going to go well 😬

Hi.
I am with a man who is 51 and I am 29 😳☺️

I am currently 7 months pregnant with his baby,it’s his first and for me it’s the third baby 😁🙈🥰

Look at it from his kids point of few, their dad got with someone their age only a few months after splitting up with their mum..of course they aren’t going to like you. Now his daughter is going to have a baby and will want to enjoy that and be in the limelight, she will definitely see it as you trying to steal her thunder. It sounds like it’s all moved super quick. Why not get married first, it all sounds a bit of a car crash.

@Staceyandco You've said his DC don't like you but it's nothing to do with the age difference or inheritance. You've also you're not the OW and didn't meet him til after he split with his wife.
So what is their problem?