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Original poster

Found condoms

88 replies

Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 14:38

Will try to keep this reasonably short! Have been with DP for two years, we have a baby who is a month old. We don't live together but spend pretty much every night together. He is wonderful and we are very happy.

So he is going away for a sports weekend, it was postponed from last year, I've encouraged him to go. Work has been tough for him and I thought it would help to get some R&R. He left for work in a hurry this morning and had a load of stuff for the weekend that he had picked up from his house yesterday. He dumped it in my conservatory to sort out tonight. I offered to see if anything needed washing or ironing but he said it was fine.

I do most domestic stuff as I'm on MAT leave so today thought I would just check his clothes etc to make sure he was all set. In the bag of stuff, there was a box of condoms.

We used them when we first met but hated them so I went on the pill. I'm not on the pill at the moment and we are considering contraception options. I text him and he said he brought them back for us, but when we tried to use them previously it ended up with needing the MAP a couple of times so I don't know why he would think they were an option.

I've had no reason to ever suspect anything other that him being totally loyal but tbh when I found them my heart sank. My ex H was a cheat. Dp also spent time the other night looking on a Facebook page for some dodgy nightclub they are going to on Saturday night.

He seems to think I'm completely out of order for even asking him about the condoms. Am I totally in the wrong here?

OP posts:
anunexaminedlife · 27/05/2021 14:40

Sorry OP. He was 100% planning to use them on his weekend away. Don't let him befuddle you.

Globaluser · 27/05/2021 14:40

I’m so sorry op. But I think he’s cheating. Hope you find the answers you need.

Itsprobablynothingbut · 27/05/2021 14:44

You're not in the wrong at all, OP. You've listed a lot of good reasons as to why he wouldn't have them to use with you. Why would he be taking them away if he had got them for you, condoms can be bought anywhere, he would have got them when back. Up to you how to proceed but I wouldn't be buying his crappy explanation. It's up there with 'I bought them to blow up'.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/05/2021 14:46

Nobody takes condoms away with them unless they think there’s going to be an opportunity to use them. He thinks you’re “out of order” because he’s been caught and has no excuse, so is getting angry instead.

Original poster
Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 14:46

Thank you for the responses. Just to clarify, they were a box we had bought two years ago that were at his house, not new ones. Not sure if that makes a difference!

OP posts:
AnotherKrampus · 27/05/2021 14:46

Sorry OP, you probably have a cocklodger and a premeditated cheat.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/05/2021 14:47

If he was buying them for the two of you, there would have been a conversation about that before he bought them, wouldn’t there?

anunexaminedlife · 27/05/2021 14:50

@Pinkglittery

Thank you for the responses. Just to clarify, they were a box we had bought two years ago that were at his house, not new ones. Not sure if that makes a difference!
It doesn't make any difference. He's bundled them in with his stuff to take for his lads weekend. I don't think there's anything to discuss with him.
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/05/2021 14:55

It really couldn't be clearer. Sorry.

Palavah · 27/05/2021 14:56

He seems to think I'm completely out of order for even asking him about the condoms

This is the concern. Did he expect you not to comment?

Why don't you live together? Why are you doing his washing and ironing?

seensome · 27/05/2021 14:57

You're not going with him and they are in a bag of stuff to go away with so they are not for you, so either the sports trip is a cover for going away with ow or he's looking to 'get lucky' I think this is planned sorry.

bunburyscucumbersandwich · 27/05/2021 14:58

Oh dear! He was planning to use then while he was away...

Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2021 15:01

He packed condoms to take on a weekend away. He's nothing but a cheat. Thank god you don't live together. Get rid of him.

MMmomDD · 27/05/2021 15:07

What sort of relationship do you have?
You both have separate houses, a 1mo baby but don’t live together?
Maybe it’s me, maybe I am too old. But there is something with that setup that I find a little non-traditional.

As to the condoms. Given that it’s a box you recognise from a while ago. And given that the two if you don’t have any other method of contraception - his story can be true. Even if he doesn’t like them, or they broke last time you used them - there is nothing else that you are currently using. And having them in his house is pointless because he’d be using them with you.

Unless he is very stupid - if he were planing to take them - why would he let you go through his stuff? He’d know they are there.
If he wanted to hide something - he’d not have packed condoms - he’d buy them on the way there.

Original poster
Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 15:07

Really appreciate the input. Thanks all.

OP posts:
motogogo · 27/05/2021 15:08

The only other explanation is that you weren't going to use them so he was taking them for his friends, a stretch I admit!

Original poster
Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 15:10

It is non traditional at the moment but that's just kind of how things have worked out so far, I have other DC. I'm more hesitant to move in together. Like I said, we are together 99% of the time and I'm happy with how things are currently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 15:11

@MMmomDD this is his point and I tend to agree, the thing I'm annoyed about is the response I got. I'm trying to make sure that most people would have reacted the way I did if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 27/05/2021 15:15

He can’t have brought them to the house for you to use as a couple AND think you’re out of preset for asking about them.

If they were for you he’d welcome the discussion.

He’s a cheat. Sorry.

Jdhshekr · 27/05/2021 15:15

Do you know where they were in his house before he took them to yours? E.g. were they in a drawer?

Because if they lived inside a wash bag or in the front pocket of whatever bag he uses when he’s going away somewhere then he could easily have forgotten they were in there. But if they are from a drawer or cupboard and he purposefully put them in the bag then he was obviously planning n taking them with him a d using them whilst away.

Daisyroselondon · 27/05/2021 15:16

Hmmmmm. My partner (who I live with) has loose condoms in his wash bag that have been rattling around in there for years. We’ve never used them but they’ve just stayed in there and are probably out of date tbh. It depends are these actual boxed conforms or could they have been in something already? I’m now thinking I might throw them out!!

Daisyroselondon · 27/05/2021 15:17

I agree with pp, if I pushed him as to why - it would just say they were old

Acupofcamus · 27/05/2021 15:24

You were probably right not to move in with him tbh. There’s no way he accidentally packed them in his weekend bag or packed them with the intention of what, having sex with you before he left? I’m gathering with a newborn baby your sex life hasn’t been active recently which is perfectly usual but he’s clearly the sort of man who can’t cope without sex. Pathetic. He’s planning to use them with another woman this weekend, sorry OP.

MMmomDD · 27/05/2021 15:26

It is possible that he is a good guy and was offended by you being suspicious. And people can get annoyed and angry when accused of something they haven’t done. It’s natural.

It is also possible that you are hyper vigilant given your history and you jump to the worst conclusion too fast.

So - I don’t think it’s useful to put your reaction to the vote here. It’s impossible to judge from the sides. We don’t know the dynamics of your relationship. Or if there are issues with rational/irrational jealousy. What sort of partner he is. What language was used. Etc.

Point is - his explanation is plausible. And there is no way of knowing for sure.
Up to you really.

But given that you don’t want him to live with you - despite having his baby - there at be a reason you are not fully committing to the relationship. So - maybe it’s a sign.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 15:27

It doesn't look great but it could be true as well. You can't be sure either way now because it if he's lying about bringing them to use with you and he was planning to cheat while he was away he's not done it yet so all you have is his word. It doesn't sound like a weekend away with another woman, sounds more like a boys weekend where he was planning for "getting lucky" or paying for sex judging by the dodgy clubs he was looking at (he's not going to be checking those out on a weekend away with a woman