Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found condoms

88 replies

Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 14:38

Will try to keep this reasonably short! Have been with DP for two years, we have a baby who is a month old. We don't live together but spend pretty much every night together. He is wonderful and we are very happy.

So he is going away for a sports weekend, it was postponed from last year, I've encouraged him to go. Work has been tough for him and I thought it would help to get some R&R. He left for work in a hurry this morning and had a load of stuff for the weekend that he had picked up from his house yesterday. He dumped it in my conservatory to sort out tonight. I offered to see if anything needed washing or ironing but he said it was fine.

I do most domestic stuff as I'm on MAT leave so today thought I would just check his clothes etc to make sure he was all set. In the bag of stuff, there was a box of condoms.

We used them when we first met but hated them so I went on the pill. I'm not on the pill at the moment and we are considering contraception options. I text him and he said he brought them back for us, but when we tried to use them previously it ended up with needing the MAP a couple of times so I don't know why he would think they were an option.

I've had no reason to ever suspect anything other that him being totally loyal but tbh when I found them my heart sank. My ex H was a cheat. Dp also spent time the other night looking on a Facebook page for some dodgy nightclub they are going to on Saturday night.

He seems to think I'm completely out of order for even asking him about the condoms. Am I totally in the wrong here?

OP posts:
itsme1978 · 27/05/2021 15:29

Sorry to mindfuck you but couldn't he just have grabbed them at his , put them in his bag so that he could use them with you at yours?!

Inthesameboatatmo · 27/05/2021 15:37

He packed them to use while away sorry op .

Thinkaboutthings · 27/05/2021 15:38

They were with his stuff he had packed for his weekend away? So they are intended for his weekend away.

Sakurami · 27/05/2021 15:38

Where were they in his house? Could he have picked up a lot of stuff and picked that up by mistake? Bringing them for you to use when he's going away doesn't ring true. It sounds like he may be taking them in case he meets someone.

Thinkaboutthings · 27/05/2021 15:40

So he’s had them for two years in his house but was only bringing them round to yours now. Hmmm. Don’t even give that excuse the time of day.

Cosmos45 · 27/05/2021 15:47

Very odd and I would be very suspicious too and I am not normally the suspicious type. They belong in the bathroom cabinet or in the bedside table normally. They are two years old and now you don't use them as you are on the pill. Bit odd to suddenly find their way into his going away bag for a lads weekend away.

Cosmos45 · 27/05/2021 15:48

@itsme1978

Sorry to mindfuck you but couldn't he just have grabbed them at his , put them in his bag so that he could use them with you at yours?!
OP has already said they don't use them as she is on the pill
AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 15:51

OP has already said they don't use them as she is on the pill

Actually the OP said she's not currently on the Pill

diddl · 27/05/2021 15:53

"OP has already said they don't use them as she is on the pill"

Not at the moment she isn't.

Plus being on the pill doesn't mean that you might never have a use for condoms.

I think he might be telling the truth.

Why did you "check" his stuff when he had already told nothing needed doing?

Cosmos45 · 27/05/2021 15:54

Apologies, but considering contraceptive options.. so not conclusive.

Toffeesausage · 27/05/2021 16:04

Plus being on the pill doesn't mean that you might never have a use for condoms

Unless you're gonna have sex with someone whose sexual health you do not trust, what other reason could there be if you are on the pill?

Seesawmummadaw · 27/05/2021 16:04

Maybe he’s worried that neither of you are using contraception and doesn’t want another baby?

diddl · 27/05/2021 16:20

@Toffeesausage

Plus being on the pill doesn't mean that you might never have a use for condoms

Unless you're gonna have sex with someone whose sexual health you do not trust, what other reason could there be if you are on the pill?

Antibiotics, forget or late with pill.

Don't you need to "double up" for a week or two?

theweebabydonkey · 27/05/2021 16:23

Why did you "check" his stuff when he had already told nothing needed doing?

This... you can be honest with us OP, we won't tell him lol. Did you suspect him anyway?

Scottishskifun · 27/05/2021 16:28

I dunno it sounds pretty plausible to me especially if you hadn't sorted contraception. I suppose with such a young baby had you even been discussing sex?

It wasn't like he had the bag packed ready to go and the box is one that he had with you.
You can buy condoms anywhere I don't think people really go must remember to pack them but drop all my stuff at my GF house unless he's very very dumb!

Toffeesausage · 27/05/2021 16:28

@diddl

Antibiotics?? I've been on antibiotics probably 15 times since I started on the pill and I feel like I'm missing something big here..

Rubyrecka · 27/05/2021 16:29

If my husband had dug out a 2 year old box of condoms to take with him on a 'lads trip' he would be out the door. I mean don't they have a sell by date?!

There is no genuine reason why these would have made an appearance other than to use while away. Sorry op I think this one is pretty obvious, tell him to enjoy his weekend and Chuck all his stuff out and change the locks

diddl · 27/05/2021 16:33

[quote Toffeesausage]@diddl

Antibiotics?? I've been on antibiotics probably 15 times since I started on the pill and I feel like I'm missing something big here..[/quote]
Oh, yes sorry I think it has changed but (many?) years ago advice was to use condoms as well whilst taking antibiotics in case they stopped the pill being effective.

Things have probably moved on since I was taking it!

AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 16:34

[quote Toffeesausage]@diddl

Antibiotics?? I've been on antibiotics probably 15 times since I started on the pill and I feel like I'm missing something big here..[/quote]
Some antibiotics can affect the Pill, most don't though

MiddlesexGirl · 27/05/2021 16:38

If you haven't finalised contraception options then it's definitely plausible that while getting together his things for the weekend away he found the condoms and decided to bring them over too .... just as an option.
The dodgy nightclub ..... maybe the other lads said let's go here so he was checking it out.

Could all be innocent. Could not. Is there anything else that makes you suspicious?

Toffeesausage · 27/05/2021 16:39

@diddl
@AryaStarkWolf

Oh okay. Had no idea!

BarleyMop · 27/05/2021 16:47

OP, the threshold for people to say “he’s a cheat, leave him” etc etc is so ridiculously low on Mumsnet. Nobody knows if he’s cheating, you can only trust your instinct.

To end the relationship with a new baby, simply because a bunch of internet strangers have had shitty relationships makes no sense.

Only you can judge your situation

Original poster
Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 16:55

Just want to say a massive thank you. He's home and we have had a talk, as a PP said, due to my past I assumed the worst. I think it's because he is so loyal and lovely and I completely trusted him, I found condoms and thought 'fuck, he's the same as all the rest of them' He's just explained that in his past relationship (she was emotionally abusive towards him) he was constantly getting accused of cheating and he assumed the worst of me too.

He says he rushed in and out of his, saw them on his shelf and thought they might be an option now we are more comfortable with each other as he had got the impression from me I didn't want to take the pill again due to side effects. He has massively apologised for his reaction to me. I did show him some of the responses on here and pointed out a lot of people would have come to the same conclusion I did!!

OP posts:
omgthepain · 27/05/2021 17:18

@Pinkglittery
I'm sorry you have this but he is or is planning on cheating but furthermore if you've been together 2 years but don't live together and have a baby he's obviously not fully committed otherwise he'd want to be a family
Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it

I'm dump and move on!

Tal45 · 27/05/2021 17:20

Hopefully that's it sorted but time to put the two year old condoms in the bin I think! Doesn't he know they have a shelf life??