Found condoms

[Pinkglittery]

Will try to keep this reasonably short! Have been with DP for two years, we have a baby who is a month old. We don't live together but spend pretty much every night together. He is wonderful and we are very happy.

So he is going away for a sports weekend, it was postponed from last year, I've encouraged him to go. Work has been tough for him and I thought it would help to get some R&R. He left for work in a hurry this morning and had a load of stuff for the weekend that he had picked up from his house yesterday. He dumped it in my conservatory to sort out tonight. I offered to see if anything needed washing or ironing but he said it was fine.

I do most domestic stuff as I'm on MAT leave so today thought I would just check his clothes etc to make sure he was all set. In the bag of stuff, there was a box of condoms.

We used them when we first met but hated them so I went on the pill. I'm not on the pill at the moment and we are considering contraception options. I text him and he said he brought them back for us, but when we tried to use them previously it ended up with needing the MAP a couple of times so I don't know why he would think they were an option.

I've had no reason to ever suspect anything other that him being totally loyal but tbh when I found them my heart sank. My ex H was a cheat. Dp also spent time the other night looking on a Facebook page for some dodgy nightclub they are going to on Saturday night.

He seems to think I'm completely out of order for even asking him about the condoms. Am I totally in the wrong here?

Yeaaaah I'm not falling for that crock of shit. Surely you message your partner asking if you should bring the condoms. Also wondering if he knows condoms have an expiry date so hope they are still in date.

He was looking up nightclubs and had condoms in his bag. Nah

I’d be interested to see the conversations between him and his mates about this weekend. Do they have partners ? What kind of guys are they? I think I’d have a serious doubt about his story. It is, however, difficult to prove either way right now. I’d be keeping very alert going forward

@Dogladyxo

No OP... it's the dodgy nightclub that nailed the coffin in the head for me.

"Surely you message your partner asking if you should bring the condoms."

Why?

Of course you could wonder why he hadn't brought them over already & why it happened to coincide with a weekend away?

Maybe the fact that he didn't want you to go in the bag was suspicious?

I've never packed/unpacked or looked in husband's suitcase in 25yrs.

Idk I think it could be argued either way.

You know him & if you trust/believe him Op.

What does a "dodgy" nightclub entail?

If I was going away with friends and a nightclub was mentioned I'd also google it
Your OP is confusing
Was he away and had left the bag at yours?
If he didn't take the condoms away with him I wouldn't Jump to any conclusions.
I've just had a clear out of my camper. I found condoms that had been there for ten years!!
I haven't needed them for a good few years

Lordy OP, I hope you don't come back here and read the crock of shit very negative responses.
Back in the real world there are some men who don't cheat and some parents of babies who find time to do random ironing (though maybe fewer of the latter than the former!).

@MiddlesexGirl

Lordy OP, I hope you don't come back here and read the crock of shit very negative responses. Back in the real world there are some men who don't cheat and some parents of babies who find time to do random ironing (though maybe fewer of the latter than the former!).

It is suspicious and better op is not hoodwinked. You can’t say for certain he wasn’t going to cheat can you? No. I’d rather not be cheated on for years and be a bit suspicious of such behaviour.

@Pinkglittery

Just want to say a massive thank you. He's home and we have had a talk, as a PP said, due to my past I assumed the worst. I think it's because he is so loyal and lovely and I completely trusted him, I found condoms and thought 'fuck, he's the same as all the rest of them' He's just explained that in his past relationship (she was emotionally abusive towards him) he was constantly getting accused of cheating and he assumed the worst of me too.

He says he rushed in and out of his, saw them on his shelf and thought they might be an option now we are more comfortable with each other as he had got the impression from me I didn't want to take the pill again due to side effects. He has massively apologised for his reaction to me. I did show him some of the responses on here and pointed out a lot of people would have come to the same conclusion I did!!

Mmmmh, so his ex was emotionally abusive, accusing him of cheating and he assumed the worse of you. Feck me! Talk about textbook bullshittery and gaslighting right there! And you know that his ex was sooo abusive how...?! Oh because he told you that. His ex probably was accusing him of being a cheat because he was! You more or less caught him redhanded preparing to cheat on his weekend and you bought his bullshit excuse hook line and sinker! If it quacks like a duck, waddles like a duck and looks like a duck, it is a bloody duck.

cannot believe you are falling for his story.. maybe you will catch him out properly next time.

So you don’t use condoms with him?
Then why would he bring them to yours?

Your baby is a month old so you probably haven't had sex since. If you are not using anything then it makes sense to have the condoms there just in case. There may well be nothing suspicious in it at all. I'm sure they sell condoms wherever he is going, if he was hoping to cheat he'd surely try to hide that a bit better!

Is it correct that you text him after finding the condoms so the initial conversation about them was over text where you couldn't see his reaction?

Read the update and don't believe a word of it. If you want to, good luck to you. It is evidently a tall tale

@Opentooffers

I think it's a symptom of the relationship in general being at best 'unconventional' and at worst 2 people who are only half in it with one foot out the door, despite having a child together. I would guess the unconventional setup where he's there 99% of the time is down to you not being able to claim as many tax credits if he moved in, and him not wanting to make up the difference by contributing. He's got it easy, you've got it ok, and meanwhile the state pays for you both to have a family life. Trouble with it is, he never has to act or take on responsibility for the family, which results in him having and feeling more freedom, giving him opportunity to mess with others as he is risking less when he has less ties. Going forward, what's the plan when you start back at work? Are you going to make sure he steps up and looks after his own child now and then? Taking her to nursery when needed, or having her when you are out or busy with work, or if she's ill and you are at work? Or are you aiming to do all that yourself, so he's got even less ties? If this relationship ended tomorrow because he cheated, there is less for him to lose, so he may well think it's worth the risk. He won't lose his home ( still has one), won't lose lose contact with his child unless he wants to. In short, you should rethink the setup and either make him commit, or accept that he's got less to keep him from straying and may well do if tempted.

This is not what she was asking about.