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Original poster

Found condoms

88 replies

Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 14:38

Will try to keep this reasonably short! Have been with DP for two years, we have a baby who is a month old. We don't live together but spend pretty much every night together. He is wonderful and we are very happy.

So he is going away for a sports weekend, it was postponed from last year, I've encouraged him to go. Work has been tough for him and I thought it would help to get some R&R. He left for work in a hurry this morning and had a load of stuff for the weekend that he had picked up from his house yesterday. He dumped it in my conservatory to sort out tonight. I offered to see if anything needed washing or ironing but he said it was fine.

I do most domestic stuff as I'm on MAT leave so today thought I would just check his clothes etc to make sure he was all set. In the bag of stuff, there was a box of condoms.

We used them when we first met but hated them so I went on the pill. I'm not on the pill at the moment and we are considering contraception options. I text him and he said he brought them back for us, but when we tried to use them previously it ended up with needing the MAP a couple of times so I don't know why he would think they were an option.

I've had no reason to ever suspect anything other that him being totally loyal but tbh when I found them my heart sank. My ex H was a cheat. Dp also spent time the other night looking on a Facebook page for some dodgy nightclub they are going to on Saturday night.

He seems to think I'm completely out of order for even asking him about the condoms. Am I totally in the wrong here?

OP posts:

crimsonlake · 27/05/2021 17:22

Sorry op not what you want to hear, but I would not be falling for that line.

chillijamjam · 27/05/2021 17:50

I don't know whether he's being honest or not but am amazed at posters taking it upon themselves to be critical because OP lives in a 'non-traditional set-up'. We can all live how we choose! When we have kids from previous relationships it often works best not to live together 100% of the time so your children get a bit of you all to themselves. This doesn't signify a lack of commitment. It's normal modern life.

nolovelost · 27/05/2021 18:20

Just because they're in his weekend away stuff doesn't mean they are for when he's away. He doesn't live with OP so plausable he's just grabbed them and put them in a bag with the rest of the stuff to take there.

PinkSatinMoon · 27/05/2021 18:25

@anunexaminedlife

Sorry OP. He was 100% planning to use them on his weekend away. Don't let him befuddle you.

Sorry but this in spades ♠️

diddl · 27/05/2021 18:31

If you went through his stuff because you don't trust him then the relationship is surely dead anyway?

He could well have left them behind before leaving, but that will never be known now.

Original poster

Pinkglittery · 27/05/2021 18:32

I genuinely went in the bag because the stuff was shoved in and I was checking to see if anything needed ironing. He's got a lot on with work and I was at a loose end so thought I would be helpful!

OP posts:

diddl · 27/05/2021 18:35

@Pinkglittery

I genuinely went in the bag because the stuff was shoved in and I was checking to see if anything needed ironing. He's got a lot on with work and I was at a loose end so thought I would be helpful!

But you had already asked & he had said no!

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 27/05/2021 18:38

I think he may be telling the truth but I'd be very much on my guard.

Milkandhoney888 · 27/05/2021 18:39

Hmm this is a tricky one, if you found them just amongst his stuff the explanation of them being from before would make sense and i wouldn't think you should worry. But the fact they are packed in his weekend away bag is what would make me suspicious and his reaction too. I don't think i would be able to just ignore it

Toffeesausage · 27/05/2021 18:49

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

I think he may be telling the truth but I'd be very much on my guard.

Yeah I'm on the same page. It sounds like he is telling the truth but "stay alert" as Boris would say.

diddl · 27/05/2021 18:53

"But the fact they are packed in his weekend away bag is what would make me suspicious"

They may not have been though as he was supposedly yet to sort the bag out.

LynetteScavo · 27/05/2021 19:07

You're not on any contraception? Have I understood that correctly? I'm assuming you haven't had sex since you had the baby. And he brings around condoms, which are better than no contraceptive.

I don't think he was planning on cheating, I think he's planning on shagging you.

Seesawmummadaw · 27/05/2021 22:44

Might be best to delete the post op because people won’t bother to read your update or they will ignore because they know best

PinkSatinMoon · 28/05/2021 02:07

@diddl

"But the fact they are packed in his weekend away bag is what would make me suspicious"

They may not have been though as he was supposedly yet to sort the bag out.

I think OP's partner has found the Thread 😏

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/05/2021 02:13

@Seesawmummadaw

Might be best to delete the post op because people won’t bother to read your update or they will ignore because they know best

And they'd be right.

Sorry I say that as someone who came back from a business trip with condoms in my bag (real reasons).

This is bullshit and poor OP will be back in in 6 months.

LaBellina · 28/05/2021 02:14

Dodgy nightclub search plus condoms in his getaway bag?

I am really sorry OP but I think this is exactly what you suspect it looks like.
I know how vulnerable you feel after you just had a baby and I’m sorry for you

Opentooffers · 28/05/2021 02:57

I think it's a symptom of the relationship in general being at best 'unconventional' and at worst 2 people who are only half in it with one foot out the door, despite having a child together.
I would guess the unconventional setup where he's there 99% of the time is down to you not being able to claim as many tax credits if he moved in, and him not wanting to make up the difference by contributing.
He's got it easy, you've got it ok, and meanwhile the state pays for you both to have a family life.
Trouble with it is, he never has to act or take on responsibility for the family, which results in him having and feeling more freedom, giving him opportunity to mess with others as he is risking less when he has less ties.
Going forward, what's the plan when you start back at work? Are you going to make sure he steps up and looks after his own child now and then? Taking her to nursery when needed, or having her when you are out or busy with work, or if she's ill and you are at work? Or are you aiming to do all that yourself, so he's got even less ties?
If this relationship ended tomorrow because he cheated, there is less for him to lose, so he may well think it's worth the risk. He won't lose his home ( still has one), won't lose lose contact with his child unless he wants to.
In short, you should rethink the setup and either make him commit, or accept that he's got less to keep him from straying and may well do if tempted.

wombat1a · 28/05/2021 04:13

I'm with some other posters with this one, you have a month old baby, you are not on the pill, he brought a (old) box of condoms over - he's trying to shag someone and that someone is you.

PinkSatinMoon · 28/05/2021 04:23

@wombat1a

I'm with some other posters with this one, you have a month old baby, you are not on the pill, he brought a (old) box of condoms over - he's trying to shag someone and that someone is you.

bollocks

StormcloakNord · 28/05/2021 04:33

I must admit I think he's well and truly pulled the wool over your eyes here.

Good luck! 😬

Dogladyxo · 28/05/2021 04:34

No OP... it's the dodgy nightclub that nailed the coffin in the head for me.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/05/2021 04:53

Well this is all quite strange. I read your update op but something in you first post doesn't add up to me.

I mean, i have 3 kids and I can't ever remember being at a loose end or being so bored I felt the need to do extra ironing, when I had a month old baby, but if you have, more power to you.

Secondly, why would he be going away when you've got a baby that young?

And if you're not on the pill then condoms are recommended so I'm unsure as to him cheating being your first thought?

Also, if he told you he didn't need you to go through his bag, but you decided to anyway, it sounds like you wanted an excuse to have rummage.

I know you've updated but something isn't right here. It doesn't sound like the full story?

CandyLeBonBon · 28/05/2021 04:56

He says he rushed in and out of his, saw them on his shelf and thought they might be an option now we are more comfortable with each other as he had got the impression from me I didn't want to take the pill again due to side effects.

He's comfortable enough to make a baby with but you feel awkward talking about contraception?

That's quite concerning!

PinkSatinMoon · 28/05/2021 04:58

@CandyLeBonBon