Lucy, how are you doing?
My son is in year 1, there is a little boy in his class. The boys mother is of the abusive type, she will push him, call him a stupid boy, hit him across the head. Then she says "Look what you made me do". She is putting all the responsibility of her actions on him, and in this way take no responsibility for her actions. He makes her do it. That is her excuse. A few weeks ago she rang me and asked me to stop my son from playing with her son, becase my son made her son hit him, and she did not want her son to have a bad record in school. The problem, in her eyes, was not that her son hits mine, but that my son make her boy hit. You cant make somebody hit. The person who hits is responsible for his own actions. Even more so with grown ups.
If you read this story and think it is wrong, then look at how it translates to your relationships. And think about how it can affect your child.
A person who delegates responsibility for own actions to somebody else will never be in the wrong, in his/her own opinion. His actions will always be somebody elses.
Your daugther is only young. But imagine when she is older, going through the terrible twos, throws her plate on the floor.
How do you think your fiancee will react to that? Will the little girl make him hit her with her behaviour?
He abuses you in public, he says it is not his fault, but yours. He does not see anything wrong, as if he did, he would restrain himself when others were watching. This man does not have his limits in place.
You say he has been married before. Do you know his exwife? Was he abusing her too? I bet he was....
I really hope you manage to get help. Good Luck.