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Original poster

Where to find friend with benefits

33 replies

QueenVikki · 23/05/2021 17:46

I am (nearly) divorced and don’t want another relationship because I want to concentrate on my kids/work/home. What I would like is someone to have sex with sometimes and to go out for a drink with every so often. Where do I find someone suitable, I haven’t dated since 2000s? Any tips?

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 23/05/2021 17:51

Why don't you ask one of your male friends or colleagues. I'm sure they'd be happy to oblige.

Thisisjaaam · 23/05/2021 17:51

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe sound advice actually

idontlikealdi · 23/05/2021 17:52

Very easy to figure this one out.

Umberellatheweatha · 23/05/2021 17:52

Difficult to find any kind of relationship tbh.

My experience is that fwb is particularly difficult though. Because often guys only want the benefits part. Or worse, they are of the certain shity personality where they say it's what they want but they then get really insulted when you don't fall in love with them (they try to make you, despite not actually wanting a relationship. Because they need it for their ego).

Basically you have to be really careful when looking for fwb because often for guys more than women... it's more about wanting control over someone. Rather than just maintaining control over themselves.

Personally I think I would stick to short term dating and flings if I wasnt looking for a partner. In between that...gets messy.

Umberellatheweatha · 23/05/2021 17:53

Oh and - tinder.

Susie477 · 23/05/2021 17:56

Tinder.

Set up a profile with photos showing a bit of cleavage and say you’re looking for ‘no-strings fun’. You will be absolutely inundated with offers. You will be able to take your pick from an all-you-can-eat sex buffet.

JudyGemstone · 23/05/2021 17:56

Tinder

When I split with my exh I had a great time on there, I am not a great beauty by any means but as soon as I said I wasn’t looking for anything serious everyone was very interested in meeting! Most of them were like 10 years younger than me too.

I met some great guys on there who I had a bit of casual sex with, stopped when I met my partner but would recommend in your position.

Good luck and have fun!

Original poster
QueenVikki · 23/05/2021 18:04

I am no oil painting but I don’t like the idea of tinder. I have seen a bloke that looks suitable in my local Iceland but don’t know how to bring things up...

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 23/05/2021 18:12

Pft I'm no oil painting either but as pp said, bit of cleavage and you'll be fighting them off. Especially atm as theyve all been stuck inside for a year without any sex.

Lol not sure how youd approach iceland dude. I guess if you could secure a date or two at first you could maybe then have the 'not looking for anything serious' convo.

I think I'd be inclined to ask for their help reaching something on a high shelf and then just turn on the flirt.

GeidiPrimes · 23/05/2021 18:20

Dogging (not really, that looks horrifying)

A tinder profile sounds like the way to go, rather than a stuffy colleague. Could get awkward if not on same page (and let's face it, humans often aren't).

AsanteSana · 23/05/2021 18:25

Maybe I am an old fuddy duddy, but is this really a 'thing' these days? Whatever happened to personal dignity?Confused

partyatthepalace · 23/05/2021 18:28

Tinder.

You might well find someone you can have a long term casual thing with.

partyatthepalace · 23/05/2021 18:32

@AsanteSana

Maybe I am an old fuddy duddy, but is this really a 'thing' these days? Whatever happened to personal dignity?Confused
Having a sex drive? Yup that’s still a thing. Now, I’m not saying all positions are dignified... but overall, I think it’s safe to say having sex is does not reduce your dignity as a human being Grin
Flowers500 · 23/05/2021 18:38

Jesus Christ don’t talk to a guy in Iceland! Not a good idea to proposition people who might be married and that you’re likely to run into again...

That’s kind of the entire point of tinder. So instead of spending the next 10 years regretting fucking your neighbour/postie/Iceland guy, you’re sleeping with someone who is (at least advertising themselves as) single and who you’re unlikely to run into when things go wrong.

Flowers500 · 23/05/2021 18:39

@AsanteSana

Maybe I am an old fuddy duddy, but is this really a 'thing' these days? Whatever happened to personal dignity?Confused
...people had just as much sex back in the day dear, sounds like it was just you who was missing out!
Crockof · 23/05/2021 18:43

Funny as an all-you-can-eat sex buffet sounds like something you could pick up at Iceland.

JustLookingforAnswers · 23/05/2021 18:53

OP you wrote the post I wanted to 😅 also nearly divorced, don't want anything serious now but having been in a sexless marriage I do want to have a bit of fun and feel wanted again, even if just as a fwb. Also don't know where to go to find someone like that so maybe online dating sites is the way.

I'm sure I'm overthinking this but I worry about someone I know coming across my profile and also about meeting weirdos online 😬

seensome · 23/05/2021 18:56

In your local Iceland... but not tinder can't think what's worse

Original poster
QueenVikki · 23/05/2021 19:04

The guy in Iceland is fit and clean, seems to do a lot of the heavy lifting and no wedding ring. I definitely do not want to go near anyone in a marriage/relationship. Yes, my issue is that my sex drive needs satisfying!

OP posts:
Lachimolala · 23/05/2021 22:11

What about fabswingers? It’s a website not just for swinging as the name might suggest!

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 23/05/2021 22:20

Flirt with the guy in Iceland. If it all turns to crap down the line you can always get deliveries instead!!

After separating with last (serious) Ex, there didn't seem to be any shortage of men around (pubs, other leisure places, etc) but that was pretty covid.

You also need to think- do you want a FB or FWB? Quite a difference. FWB you're better to meet as a friend first.

Appleofmyeye05 · 23/05/2021 22:24

My advice would be to invest in a sex toy and if you need to go out for a drink then go with your friends.

I’m of the opinion that fwb situationships always end up with someone getting hurt.

PaperMoonshine · 23/05/2021 22:49

I have two 'lovers' or fwb. They both know we're not exclusive but neither of them knows about the other. I have no idea if either of them is seeing anyone else.

They are both friends I've known a few years. I go on 'dates' with each of them; we hang out and watch films; we go out for dinner; we have sex.

I fancy each of them. Presumably, they fancy me. I don't do relationships. There are reasons why a relationship with either of them wouldn't work.

I've had fwbs in the past and only one of them ended in tears because he wanted it to continue when he was in a relationship and I said no. Mostly, the sex has just stopped/fizzled out and we continued to be friends.

They can work really well if the boundaries are clear.

I have a friend who has a few fuck buddies. I wouldn't do that.

HalzTangz · 23/05/2021 23:07

Just join plenty of fish, all the men on their are looking for NSA

Keepyourdistance000 · 23/05/2021 23:14

Better off with a few really good sex toys than fwb - in my experience someone always gets hurt and it's just not worth it, especially if it's a friend or a colleague.

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