Being verbally abused in an argument

[Wherediditgo]

Things have not been good between my husband and me for some time. We’ve spent long weeks and even months not speaking. I’ve rarely been able to be myself for quite sometime. We have a toddler.

On Friday, I went for a drink with a friend. I haven’t done this for many years (even pre-Covid) as I would usually just go to that person’s house/garden (restrictions permitting)
DH seemed to think it was a good idea and was encouraging. This is out of character for him but he seemed to be making a real effort lately. He even said I should get a taxi and enjoy myself.

So off I went. I left just after 8pm and realised the time at 11.20 and went outside to call him. He had called me ten minutes prior but I hadn’t heard my phone ring. He had a go and told me I was selfish etc. I didn’t end up getting in until 1am but after our phone call, I text him every half an hour so he would know I was ok.

We had an argument about it yesterday, I’m ashamed to say, in front on my son. My behaviour certainly wasn’t exemplary - I shouted and (ashamed to say) I did swear.

However, DH strode across the kitchen and shouted and swore in my face. I felt intimidated. He walked off shouting ‘fucking scumbag’ over and over at me. It’s not the first time he has spoken to me like this and not the first time he has done this in front of my son

I tried to explain afterwards that I felt intimidated. He said that I was actually the aggressor as I had followed him in to the kitchen after he had walked off. He walked off when I was halfway through having my say and I was stood about 3 metres away from him?! He kept shouting ‘I don’t care’ when I was trying to say my piece which is when I shouted at him to shut up. That’s when he strode over to me and shouted and swore in my face.

I’m thinking of leaving him but I’m not certain?! Our marriage hasn’t been good for a long time and I’ve closed myself off to him. He was seemingly trying lately but he threw all that back in my face when we argued.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel ashamed that my son had to witness it. I think us not being together anymore might be better for him.

@Wherediditgo
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish, so, so much that we are having this conversation in person, with a glass of wine or something. I wish I can give you a hug, God knows I need one myself.

I did not know you had another thread, yes, I would like to read it. Do you mind posting the link?

I am in the same position as you, waiting for it to be over, so I do not know if I can be of much help. I myself feel miserable, doubtful, guilty, anxious and it is hard. I do not think I have ever experienced anything this hard, and I had seen a lot. The only thing I can tell you that I learned from counseling and other posters here on the MN is this, you do not have to keep looking for excuses, reasons why you are leaving, the fact that you want to leave is good enough.

People who are in healthy relationships are not thinking about divorce. If you are (we are), it means that this is not working for you, you are not happy and you should leave it. This is what keeps me going. Every time I feel doubt creep in I try to imagine myself growing old with him and immediately I get my answer. No, I do not want to spend the next 25 years with this man.

I hope this will help you too. Hugs.

[quote loveyourself2020]@Wherediditgo
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish, so, so much that we are having this conversation in person, with a glass of wine or something. I wish I can give you a hug, God knows I need one myself.

I did not know you had another thread, yes, I would like to read it. Do you mind posting the link?

I am in the same position as you, waiting for it to be over, so I do not know if I can be of much help. I myself feel miserable, doubtful, guilty, anxious and it is hard. I do not think I have ever experienced anything this hard, and I had seen a lot. The only thing I can tell you that I learned from counseling and other posters here on the MN is this, you do not have to keep looking for excuses, reasons why you are leaving, the fact that you want to leave is good enough.

People who are in healthy relationships are not thinking about divorce. If you are (we are), it means that this is not working for you, you are not happy and you should leave it. This is what keeps me going. Every time I feel doubt creep in I try to imagine myself growing old with him and immediately I get my answer. No, I do not want to spend the next 25 years with this man.

I hope this will help you too. Hugs.[/quote]
Thank you. You are so lovely

Here is the link to the other one:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4264387-To-offer-a-financial-incentive-to-my-tenants-to-move-out?msgid=108040674#108040674

Your words mean a lot to me. So thank you truly. And I hope we can both find some semblance of contentment and happiness in the not too distant future!

How are you feeling today?

I’ve been in much worse relationships than this one so in comparison, it seems as though I don’t have it so bad.

Just because you've been in a relationship with a Level 10 abusive bastard doesn't mean you should put up with the Level 8 or Level 6 abusive bastard that comes along afterwards. The only acceptable level is 0.

And growing up in a toxic abusive household is very damaging for children. You need to leave for your son's sake.

And growing up in a toxic abusive household is very damaging for children. You need to leave for your son's sake

Have you read the thread at all?!