Online dating , is this a red flag?

[ROZ12]

Hi all

So single for 16 years now trying to get my life back . So met a guy just texting at mo I said I’m a night owl and slept today till 12 - bad week etc and called me a lazy ass! I got upset and told him I’m no way that as I men single parenting etc. I loved being single no one called me names! Shame I like him and now I’m
Upset . He said it’s a joke and apologised But coul it get worse ? Ex was a name caller and put me down constantly . Help !

It's a joke but that doesn't mean you have to like it. I dated a guy who would joke about me being lazy and lucky when I had a few days annual leave to use in the summer and nothing to do. It was a joke but as he worked in a restaurant for crap money and long hours he did seem genuinely jealous and resentful almost? It was very off putting. I felt like saying 'I studied for years and got into debt to work in this demanding job and a few weeks annual leave is the least I deserve' but it might have come across twatty

@Opentooffers

Sorry , ‘vac’

@ROZ12

But do all men tease like this at early stages ?

Some do, they call it 'banter' and imo it can be awful

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

But I did explain and say I had bad week and tired and really made him feel bad .

Banter or abuse

With all due respect OP if I was texting someone online and they told me what a crap week they'd had, that would be a reg flag for me.

I'm not interested in stranger's emotional baggage after a few texts. Maybe after a few weeks of RL dates, but in a new relationship I want fun and laughs.

Also if someone mentions their ex in messages, they're not for me either.

I don't feel you're in the right place for OLD yet, it's brutal OP. And if you're sensitive it will eat you up and spit you out.

@ROZ12

But do all men tease like this at early stages ?

Not all but if anything it would make me feel better than if he was all "Oh no, poor thing, how are you doing??". It would seem fake and like he was trying way too hard to get in bed with me.

This is banter and it's more appropriate in the earlier stages to be honest. You need to be able to joke with each other.

@ROZ12

Banter or abuse

Its whatever it feels to you. It doesn't matter what those words would mean to someone else. If it hits the wrong note with you - get rid. No point settling.

@NakedBanana

So what do I talk about ?

@MiaRoma

Yes true

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Oh ok see I just have no idea about all this . I see him as red flag as he doesn’t share about his family or how his week is. I just expect him to at the age of 40 and not so much banter?

How long have you been chatting?

I think it's normal to be somewhat guarded to start with and just chat about less personal things while you figure out if you're really feeling it.
I would be far more interested in things like his views on politics, relationships, hobbies etc. at the start to see how compatible we are, than his family.

But this is about how you are feeling. If you feel it's a red flag, then that's a sign to stop chatting.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

So far very caged not said anything about politics but yes religion and what he would like in future . We are Muslim so we can’t date as such

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

One week chatting

I don't think it sounds that cagey if he has spoken about the future!

One week really isn't much. It shouldn't be too full on yet. If it was, that would be far more of a red flag to me.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Sorry to change the topic a bit but the guys mum died when he was 5 and no sisters does that mean he is less able to communicate with women?

I suppose you wouldn't know because you say he doesn't speak of his family much, but did he grow up with any aunties?

I mean, it's possible. Do you know if he has had any long term relationships?

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

So we both divorced and don’t know about aunties only a step mum who refers to as dads wife

I'd bin him off OP.

Other posters think it is just banter and that is up to them. I won't be called an 'ass' by someone who should be making an effort to impress early on. It's disrespectful.

@Lizzie523

Oh !

Anyone with anyone who doesn’t have sisters and still understanding of women ?

[quote ROZ12]@JesusIsAnyNameFree

So we both divorced and don’t know about aunties only a step mum who refers to as dads wife[/quote]
I really don't know, OP.. What I do know is, you are seeing red flags all over the place with this guy and that really isn't worth it after one week of chatting.

Just do be wary if men you chat to are too involved, sharing too much and seem far too caring early on. That can be a clear sign of love bombing and you definitely do not want that.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

He is not showing he is far too caring thou or sharing much moreso teasing and banter as they say . Is it fair to say no to someone who has no sisters and mum died ?

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

What does too involved mean ?

I would've joked the same but pisstaking is my humour!

If he's apologised I wouldn't worry! Unless anything else upsets you!