He's finally moved out, but taken the dog

[katmunchkin]

So I've posted before years ago under a different username how I wanted to end it with my OH of 11 years, but the only thing stopping me was the fact we have a dog together who is my world. Well I finally but the bullet and he's moving back to his parents today. I've just got home from having my first jab and he's packed up a load of stuff (which I'm not going to argue with), but he's also moved everything off the dogs crate, implying he's taking this with him, implying he's expecting to take her with him! His parents only live 5 minutes away and I know they would happily have the dog staying with them, but there's no way on his planet I'm prepared to let him take her full time, we need to sort something out, but I'm so scared that he's going to railroad me and try to control me and not bring her back 😥😥 She's registered with the Kennel Club, microchip and vets all in my name, but he used his money to pay for her 3 years ago. I'm devastated 😢🥺😢🥺

Do you have children?
If you are discussing the children staying with you you could say that it is fairer for them that the dig stays with you.

I’d try and talk to him and explain that as you are at home all day she might as well stay with you during the week as it’s less stressful for her and then he can have her on weekends when he’s home.

@Opentooffers

I'd go to his parents and say you'd like a day or two with the dog, but you will bring him/her back. If they are reasonable, they will probably go along with that.

So lie to his parents and ruin any friendship she has with them which will ultimately likely backfire on her anyway.

Just get a new dog. That's the beauty of pets - you can always get another. And fairly easily too

Jesus Christ 🙄

I think the reverse psychology approach is best. You need to practice some acting OP!

Irrespective of who paid for the dog, it is your dog if the chip is registered in your name.

Get the dog back.

You have it the wrong way round. Irrespective of whose name is on the chip, it is your dog if you paid for it.

Drop in at his parents and ask which day it is convenient for you to pick up the dog for YOUR week... and just assume that it is a week by week arrangement.

Why not offer to pay him what he paid for the dog but only do so when there are no witnesses around and verbally only

Pretty sure he paid for the dog.

Op's got to face the fact they both want the dog, both love the dog, and the guy probably owns it and certainly has as much claim on it as she does.

All this "reverse psychology" etc assumes he doesn't actually want the dog but is doing it to upset op. But actually, there's no reason to think that, it is likely it's just he wants the dog and considers it his.

It would be far cleaner in the long run to just accept the loss, and move on. While another dog is not the same, she would grow to love it, and they do fill that space with love. And there are plenty of dogs that need homes, rather than one dog having two.

@PinkSatinMoon

What is the purpose of 'Micro-chipping' a Dog/Cat if it does not establish ownership ?

The same way that the V5 registered keeper document for cars doesn’t prove ownership.

If the chip is registered in your name you normally own the dog irrespective of who paid for it a) because dogs can be bought as gifts or re-registered when given away free and b) why did the other party fail to register their alleged property in their own name?

If he returns the dog all is well. If not see if you can get it back from his parents. Take dog home and change locks.

If he reports you to the police for dog theft you say relationship broken up, you (presumably) understood dog was a gift from OH, and say dog’s chip registered in your name, show registration documents not joint names. Police will then say it is a civil matter and do nothing.

If worst case OH takes you to court to determine ownership this would be heard as a money claim as the law treats dogs as ‘chattels’ (a form of goods).

A District Judge would assess the case taking account of a number of factors including whose name on chip, name dog registered at vet, where dog normally lives, who normally feeds and walks dog, who paid for dog and whether it was a gift, arrangements parties have in place to care for dog whilst working etc,

The court can declare you as owner, your OH or joint ownership.

A sorry state of affairs indeed and OP I would expect you to be upset, not that it helps, because a lovely dog is a wonderful thing. The only positive thing about all this is that you are certain the dog will be with people he loves and is being well cared for.

I'll leave others to comment on legal matters around this.

@StamfordHill

Did you misread/understand my post perhaps? (How is assuming that custody of the dog will be shared seen as 'dog theft'? Arranging/agreeing this doesn't seem to involve any stealing. )

I totally understand how bereft you feel OP - dogs are part of the family despite the relationship beginning with a sale.

It looks as if the best outcome for the dog is to be part of both households - he seems to be happy with the inlaws and with you.

If this can be arranged - avoiding any spite from your ex- that will be the best that can be hoped for now.

@category12

Pretty sure he paid for the dog.

Op's got to face the fact they both want the dog, both love the dog, and the guy probably owns it and certainly has as much claim on it as she does.

All this "reverse psychology" etc assumes he doesn't actually want the dog but is doing it to upset op. But actually, there's no reason to think that, it is likely it's just he wants the dog and considers it his.

It would be far cleaner in the long run to just accept the loss, and move on. While another dog is not the same, she would grow to love it, and they do fill that space with love. And there are plenty of dogs that need homes, rather than one dog having two.

I had to do just this - even though I paid for the dog, AND he was microchipped in my name.

It was so distressing especially for my children, but so many awful things were going on at the same time I just didn't have have the money or emotional stamina to go through the court and now it's too late.

It takes a 'special' kind of person to do this type of thing without discussion.

It's utterly heartbreaking op. But sometimes accepting moving on is the only option.

@katmunchkin

did you get the Dog back ? 🌸

To all those asking for an update - later that evening he brought her back, I confronted him as to his plans (I.e. why had he started packing up all her stuff!) and he said he was taking her with him to his parents, as in it wasn't even up for discussion. To cut a long, emotional story short, he quickly realised that with him working out of the house 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, and me WfH, this didn't make much sense (I.e. why leave her with his parents when I'm home alone?) and so she has been staying with me all day, every day. So far we are managing the "shared custody" relatively well, he has been to take her for her evening walks most nights, and we haven't had to cross paths. It's not going to lead to the cleanest break up ever, but I suppose any relationship with shared assets or children etc (as she can fall under either category!) would be similar. Thank you for all your support xx

And no, no children, not married.

Aawww that is wonderful news @katmunchkin

Im so pleased for you and your Dog 🐶🥰💕🌸

I'm so pleased what a relief .

@StamfordHill

Just get a new dog. That's the beauty of pets - you can always get another. And fairly easily too.

Heartless