Housing issues

[Flatflatflat]

Hello, first post. A year ago my last relationship ended after 5 years ago bc it was not going anywhere, no hard feelings, but i no longer see my stepdaughter, which was/is very hard.
10 months ago I bought a house alone, which I have just got keys for (2 months ago). I love it and the freedom of living alone for the v first time.
I met a lovely man 6 months ago and spend a few nights a week at his. Due to reasons I would rather not go into, he has asked if he and his adult daughter can come live with me. Soon. I am feeling very hesitant but not sure why? Please advise.

No, no and no. Seems like he’s spinning you a sob story tbh. Wouldn’t even consider it.

Too soon. I'd be afraid that I would end up on one of those true crime shows or at the very least a lazy bum in my house who can't afford to pay anything and unable to get him out.

COCKLODGER ALERT

If his daughter is an adult she best find a job quickly and pay her way. You'd be mad to have two adults you barely know move into your home. You'll be hiding in your bedroom while they lord it up in your home at your expense before you know it, however lovely he is.

Paying bills etc is hard. Doesn't mean you need to give up your home to fix his situation.

If he actually wanted to live with you he would ask if he and his adult dd could move in. He would ask whether you and he should make a plan to live together (one which covers agreed finances, his dd moving elsewhere, location etc).

wouldnt

Please don't be daft enough to let them move in.

Terrible idea.

Tell him it's too soon as 6 months is no where near enough time to commit in such a big way. You'd struggle to get rid of them if it goes south. He could also be using you. It's a bit odd he just asked you straight out, I'd be so shocked!

What's yours is yours and what he hasn't got is HIS. Also HE, not you needs to provide accommodation for his daughter until she's 21 or so.

I would be severely distrustful of a man I'd known for 6 months that thought it was appropriate to ask to move himself and his daughter into a property I'd been in for 5 minutes.

Cocklodger red flag.

I can see that you're wanting to be kind and help him out. The truth is that if you allow them to move in it will really distort the natural development of your relationship. It will be hard for the daughter to get work. If things do not work out well with the relationship you may not feel able to tell them to leave.

What did you say when he brought it up?

Did he say how much rent he planned to pay you?

Christ I hope you’re not serious. Do not let this man and his daughter move in with you. You would seriously have to be off your head and that has danger written all over it. The relationship could end and they refuse to move out

Tell him no it’s too soon, maybe after a couple of years. But do not let him and her move into your home.

Honestly op I’d consider ending it. I guess you told him quite quickly you were buying your own place, and he’s waited a few weeks to ask what he’s been planning all along and wants to take your house. You will simply be tolerated, it will be their house and you’ll be paying for them both irrelevant of what he says.

You need to run and you need to run fast.

What do you think he would have done about his situation if he wasn't with you.
If you have to ask here something is telling you it isn't right

Being kind in this situation is sending a link for a job you might come across for his dd, or offering to help with a cv upgrade. Possibly even helping him at a carboot if 5am starts are your thing.

Giving him keys and access to your new property isn't kind, it's fucking insane, that's without considering how much of a cheeky bastard he is to even suggest it after 6 months

Your gut is saying nooooooooo, too soon, not sure I want that... so trust your gut.

 Are you quite sure/certain/have seen proof  that  the adult female he  lives with and  wants to  move into your home is his daughter?

Let me be the first to say it,,, no one falls in love as fast as a man who needs somewhere to live.
Tell him after 5 years together you will discuss it, if he genuinely likes you he will sort himself out, if he fucks off you will know what he really wanted.

OP you seem very happy to ignore all the good advice on here and allow this man you have known for only 6 months and his adult daughter to move in and live off of you so CRACK ON.. ☺️

How old is this 'man'?

No fucking way!!!! I wouldn't let a childless woman move in with me after 18 months let alone one with dependents after 6.

His shit to sort out. Once in they’ll never leave

A big fat no from me !

I've been with my very lovely fella for 2 years and I wouldn't let him and his DC move in with me (stay for a few weeks - sure but not move in).

Wow!

No bloody way!

You would be mad to consider it let alone allow it to happen.

You been warned, I feel sad that you can't see what a red flag this all this, but please listen to the advice on here.

@Flatflatflat

She is just 18 and lost her job in pandemic. He works but is finding it all too much with bills, increase etc.

And so he wants you to sub him and his adult DD? Absolutely no way. You will be posting in another three months about your cocklodger BF.

I can't believe he even asked could his adult daughter move in too. As someone said, you will be tolerated. it will v quickly become their house as you as the inconvenient guest.

Most cocklodgers are charming and nice, thats how they get away with it for so long.