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Original poster

Housing issues

119 replies

Flatflatflat · 18/05/2021 16:03

Hello, first post. A year ago my last relationship ended after 5 years ago bc it was not going anywhere, no hard feelings, but i no longer see my stepdaughter, which was/is very hard.
10 months ago I bought a house alone, which I have just got keys for (2 months ago). I love it and the freedom of living alone for the v first time.
I met a lovely man 6 months ago and spend a few nights a week at his. Due to reasons I would rather not go into, he has asked if he and his adult daughter can come live with me. Soon. I am feeling very hesitant but not sure why? Please advise.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/05/2021 16:27

You are not a commitment phobe because you realise this is nuts at 6 months, no. You’re being sensible.

Tomyoneandonly · 18/05/2021 16:27

It's your gut instinct telling you no. Also another dsd 8n your life would be such a big commitment to take on v soon after you've just got your own home. I would let down gently. As when a bond is made and then broken it can be life damaging. What a situation to be in though. I do agree with pp. You are not his social worker. I also think it's to soon. Lots of things are on team no if you add it all up NO would be the answer. Sorry op you may not like to hear that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/05/2021 16:27

Do they both work?

SoloJazz · 18/05/2021 16:29

Tell them to sign up for universal credit.

CassandraTrotter · 18/05/2021 16:30

If it is finance based, when will the situation improve? As how likely?

And still no.

HamAndCheeseToastie5032 · 18/05/2021 16:31

No.

And lovely as he may be, I think it's weird and 'off' that he even asked.

Natsel84 · 18/05/2021 16:32

No way .

How old is his daughter ?

caringcarer · 18/05/2021 16:33

6 months is far too soon. If he can't afford to home himself and dd now what happens if they move it and you break up and he still can't afford a rental? He is not moving in with you because he loves you it is purely for convenience and to his advantage. Make him wait at least a year.

TeeBee · 18/05/2021 16:34

Nope!!! Too soon. Can't believe he's asked actually. Your instincts are spot on, trust them. Your freedom is too precious to give away so readily.

Original poster
Flatflatflat · 18/05/2021 16:34

She is just 18 and lost her job in pandemic. He works but is finding it all too much with bills, increase etc.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 18/05/2021 16:35

None of that is your issue to solve...at all!

bigbaggyeyes · 18/05/2021 16:35

No no and no again.

He's a grown up and as such can sort himself out.

Tbh I'd be thinking he'd only go with me as he knows I've got a house so he and his dc can move on. Errrrrrrr no!

If he genuinely likes and respects you he'll understand completely when you tell him no. If he kicks off then you've dodged a bullet

TheDuchessOfBeddington · 18/05/2021 16:36

If anything goes wrong with either your relationship with him OR the adult daughter you will be made to feel like the bad guy by kicking them out. Quite possibly you will be stuck with them for much longer than you want due to the guilt of making them homeless.

Don’t do it! It would be different if you were getting married?

BumBurnerBum · 18/05/2021 16:37

It's a big red flag that he's asked this of you imo.

bigbaggyeyes · 18/05/2021 16:37

😳 omg I've just read this bit

He works but is finding it all too much with bills, increase etc

It gets worse, so if he's finding it all too much to pay bills what makes him think it will be easier to pay you - or is he thinking he will only have to contribute peanuts, or even worse, nothing at all

TeeBee · 18/05/2021 16:37

Exactly what I thought bigbaggyeyes.
Get your know them first OP before you let them into your home. Guard your freedom.

JorisBonson · 18/05/2021 16:39

Cocklodger teaching his daughter the family trade.

GroovyPeanut · 18/05/2021 16:39

No!
You've only known him 6 months!
If he's got financial problems, that his problem and the same for his daughter. Don't move them into your house. You'll be in debt next covering their financial commitments if they move in with you.
He may well be a nice chap, but you don't have to bail him out, and having him living with you.
He may have been a nice man for that very reason.
Just say "No, sorry I don't feel we've known each other long enough for living with you and your adult daughter"
If there's two of them, both adults why have they got financial problems, surely they're both working.

Pinkpaisley · 18/05/2021 16:39

Not a chance.

You should only live together because you just can’t stand not living together. Moving in because of money is not ok.

gamerchick · 18/05/2021 16:40

No, you'll not get rid of them. They're both adults and it's not your job to bail them out.

They'll take over your life, cheeky buggers usually do.

CassandraTrotter · 18/05/2021 16:40

@Flatflatflat

She is just 18 and lost her job in pandemic. He works but is finding it all too much with bills, increase etc.
That’s not enough reason. He should never have been relying on an 18 year old to share the bills. Why can’t he cover the bills himself? He hasnt lost his job.

He is finding paying bills all too much because he can't get his 18 year old daughter to share the bills anymore, so he wants to move in with you for convenience and for YOU to support HIS daughter!!!
Honestly, how are you still finding him attractive?!

CassandraTrotter · 18/05/2021 16:41

@bigbaggyeyes

😳 omg I've just read this bit

He works but is finding it all too much with bills, increase etc

It gets worse, so if he's finding it all too much to pay bills what makes him think it will be easier to pay you - or is he thinking he will only have to contribute peanuts, or even worse, nothing at all

Exactly.

This is the sort of boundary crossing which ends up in misery.

mrstea301 · 18/05/2021 16:44

Trust your gut!

Honestly, only six months into a relationship, I don't believe that you should even be privy to his financial problems, much less be the solution to them!

If his bills have gone up and he can't afford his rent, he should cut his cloth accordingly and find somewhere to rent that he can afford.

What would he have done if he hadn't met you?

dane8 · 18/05/2021 16:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Budapestdreams · 18/05/2021 16:49

I agree, don't let them move in.
He shouldn't have even asked.

Say no and you will know if it's actually you he likes.
If you say yes you will always wonder if he was just after someone to give him and his daughter a home and financial support.

Massive red flag to want to move in together this soon. The reason doesn't matter, there will always be a reason.

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