What is OLD like from a guy's perspective?

[cosmicqueen]

Longtime lurker, first time poster.....

I've been single for a year and a half and would really like to meet someone again. During the first lockdown I used Bumble and chatted to a few guys. Had a lot of positive interactions and arranged a date which didn't happen. Never mind.

I recently joined tinder and deleted it fairly quickly....wanted to be optimistic but it's just not for me. Too many creeps and guys who put minimal effort into having a conversation. Went back on bumble but this time there seemed to be less guys. The majority of those guys I'd already seen on the app when I was on it last year. Had a few decent conversations but no plans to meet up with anyone. One guy asked if I wanna go shopping with him, I said no and suggested an alternative (meeting up for a drink). He ignored my suggestion but kept texting me. The impression I get (and maybe I'm wrong) is that a lot of guy's aren't actually interested in dating. They just want an ego boost and a pen pal. Now that restrictions r easing I thought more people would be actively looking to date as there are more date options. People can do more than just meeting up for walks. IME this doesn't seem to be the case.

I'm just interested to know what OLD is like from a guy's perspective?

I met my bf online and from what he says, it's as hit and miss for men too. He came across women who wanted dick pics (he didn't oblige), women who clearly just wanted one thing and women who were happy to chat but didn't really want to meet up.

Luckily we found each other after wading through a lot of time wasters on both sides and have been together since date 1.

i met my OH on POF and he said that all the things that men do that annoy us women there are women who do more or less the same things,

I found online dating difficult as a man in my mid-20s (a while ago.) I was honest and considerate and wrote proper messages but I wasn't very exciting or hot. It seemed like women in their 20s had so many guys after them and were waiting for the cream of the crop, which is fair enough but was disheartening at times.

Now I'm in my 40s and I get the feeling that the "numbers game" might have shifted by this age, but I haven't been single for a long time so I don't actually know what it's like out there now.

Hit and miss for men too. I met me DP online and there were a few women who were very upfront about asking about his net worth - what car he drove, etc. He got the impression they were looking to be kept in a certain style. One of the reasons he liked me was that I had a career.

I met my girlfriend through OLD she was the first and only person I messaged and we chatted via text for 4 months before we met! From my point of view it was weird and scary there seems to be very few genuine women. The vast majority seem to have nothing on their profile except a picture that makes them look like a super model or there are the cut and paste profiles that all read the same.

Partners and male friends have said it’s basically a lot of sending first messages (because women very rarely do), rarely getting a response even if you put a bit of effort into your message (probably because women get so many messages), having women be downright rude to you if you are what they deem to be too short, and often arriving on first dates to realise that the person you’re meeting clearly uses a lot of filters and touch ups in their photos.

It’s why I’m always baffled when women on here say that OLD is weighted in favour of men and this is why they ghost and behave badly because they’re like boys in a sweetie shop with too many choices and just keep on moving on to the next woman. I’ve yet to hear a man who OLDed say he was inundated with choices to move straight on to!

From my friends and siblings experiences it's an absolute shit show if you're a man or a woman.

I’ve been on OLD for couple of years now, but this is how I found it as a man

Women hardly ever contacted me 1st, I had make all 1st contact almost all the time, had to do most of ‘running’

Quite a few women like to chat, but not contact (married and bored, looking for interest 🤷🏼‍♂️)

If the chat goes off line to WhatsApp etc, get sent lots of random emoji’s (why.. )

Some women are just bonkers, there is a saying I have seen on this site “kiss a lot of frogs”, not sure what the equivalent would be, “kiss a lot of ugly sisters “ maybe.

Get asked about job, income etc,

Good points,
I think women are generally better communicators
Women are generally clearer on their expectations
I was never sent a picture of a vagina

Overall pretty shit, so I gave up

Typo,
I’ve NOT been on OLD for a few years....

The last guy I dated said that the woman he dated before me had knocked ten years off her age, making her a good 15 years older than him; he suspected she was a bit older than she had said but it was only when her real age came out that he realised the significance of her emphasis on them caring for one another in old age!

The guy I am currently with had a date with one woman on OLD but when they met, she told him that actually she was married and just wanted to find out what OLD was like as all her friends were doing it; she hoped he wasn't too disappointed.

My male friend had a first date with a woman who told him she was pregnant and did he prefer her to keep the baby or abort it?!

The men have to initiate first according to most of MN. I have found that there is a real mantra here that women are to let the man come to them, otherwise he's just not that interested.

One of my partners close friends once called it a

"who's who of lunatics, Instagram rejects and gold diggers"

Based on this thread that might not be too far from the truth.

Considering that you only know what OLD is like if you have been on OLD yourself, I find it a bit odd when people describe it as full of weirdos!

When I was doing it, I wrote to a couple of men first, but without a response - probably as they weren't interested, but I did wonder if they might feel awkward about the woman making the first move? And somehow I always feel that if the guy turned out to be a weirdo (there are always some), he'd be all the more excited and more likely to pester me, stalk me or send me dick pics if I made the first move, confirming that I "wanted" it. It just feels a bit less safe...

Considering that you only know what OLD is like if you have been on OLD yourself

Are you saying you cannot know about something if you have not done it? Not sure I agree with that statement.

Cheers for all the replies !

So interesting to hear other perspectives.

All the OLD success stories give me a level of hope. If you're prepared to sift through a lot of crap lucky/ dedicated you can actually meet someone who's right for you.

@Sunshineandflipflops - Some of my female friends encourage dick pics when talking to guys online so I know that defo happens.

@SarahBellam @JustAnotherOldMan - I can believe girls ask Net worth and what car guys drive. I wouldn't dare ! Think that's really rude.

@ravenmum - She knocked 10years off her age!? I've definitely seen guys online who are clearly lying about their age. Think some men and women both do that.

@MrsPsmalls - A 1st date asking if she should keep or abort her baby....WOW....I have no words !!

Like Bumble as I like to message first. Tend to have more success when I do that too. When guys message first I tend to get a lot of lacklustre openers or messages that just say "Hi". You know the guys are sending the exact same thing to every girl they match with. I won't reply to those but will always reply to a well crafted message. A big chunk of conversations can be mind numbingly dull. Last year ppl were telling me many steps they'd done that day or what they'd bought on their weekly shop. Lockdown life isn't exciting but a lot of the chats could've put a glass eye to sleep. Haven't had many rude responses. The only one I can think of was years ago from a guy who kept pestering me on Match. Eventually replied saying I'm flattered but not interested and wished him all the best. He sent a msg back saying "No one will want you coz u have small tits anyway". Whatever. Just found it laughable.

In the past I've had a mix of good and bad dates. Some really fun and original experiences, some dates where we've had loads in common but there's been no attraction. Went on quite a few dates a couple years ago, none of them led to second dates. A few of the guys asked if I'd be up for being FWB when I said I didn't want a 2nd date. Found that a bit desperate but I guess they were just chancing their arm.

I know there are good people out there so gotta keep looking.

@MrsPsmalls my brother went on a date with a woman who was 7 months pregnant. She didn't disclose this information in the month of texting beforehand and all her pictures were taken before she was pregnant.

@coronaway - Did she think he wouldn't notice or something!? That's a pretty big piece of info to not mention!!!

@cosmicqueen I'm not sure. My brother was polite with it and stayed (it was only a coffee date). I guess she hoped he would like her enough to overlook it!

My BF and I met on Tinder and so are quite pro OLD (he was my first ever on line date, and only one so far!)

He was on and off it for several years I think, and used a few different apps. I know he had a least one other LTR he met through OLD (PoF I believe he said). Maybe more, can’t quite remember - he’s had a fair few LTRs! And a few dates that didn’t come to anything. One he said was lovely but he saw her three or four times and nothing physical, not even a kiss. (He wasn’t saying this was objectively WRONG, and of course it’s not. But it left him wondering whether she was attracted to him or not, and so didn’t work for him). And another one who actually turned up with a list of interview questions typed out on a piece of paper! She sounded mental.....

He said there were a lot of women clearly just feeling low about themselves, who liked to message for an ego boost but had no intention of meeting up. And quite a lot of sex workers too, he reckons......

With the exception of security and unwarranted fanny pics old for men is no different than it is for women

Plenty of ghosting
Expectations for the man message 1st and never reply or that they totally expect men to do ALL the chasing
Loads of Women lie about age and weight
Stupid filters on profiles, group photos
No profile text
Chat but dont want to met
Take too keen an interest in your finances
Some Think they are some sort of prize and you should feel very lucky they even deign to talk to you.
Talk about their crazy or arsehole ex

I met some lovely women and some absolutely crap ones.

Yes there are a lot of prostitutes, cam girls, sugar babies etc on the apps too apparently.

At least men don't have to put up with threatening behaviour though.

@Lovelydiscusfish - I actually LOL'd at the list of interview questions. That's hilarious!!! I always like to kiss on the 1st date, it helps me gauge if I'm attracted to the person and figure out if we have chemistry or not

@Otterhound - Gotta admit I don't really chase guys. I have in the past but mostly it just led to me being ghosted so that's why I don't do it. Think I maybe came across too keen.

@coronaway - Definitely agree!! Some men can become nasty and threatening when rejected.

@Lovelydiscusfish, so glad it worked for you.

And another one who actually turned up with a list of interview questions typed out on a piece of paper! She sounded mental

Just have such an aversion to women being called mental/crazy.

From the men I have spoken to.

They say filters are incredibly annoying, especially bunny ears and nose! That's a valid point and not sure why grown women would do that.
Very out of date photos. One man said he met someone and walked straight past her as so different.
Lots of ghosting, which is just bad manners and perhaps there ought to be "code of conduct" guidelines as people tend to behave worse online.

However on balance I still think women have it slightly worse!