Tell me about your wonderful men...

[onecandream]

My husband is a selfish prick. He shows no affection, apart from when he wants sex, puts me down when the opportunity arises, talks to me like a child and doesn't listen to me. He steps over stuff on the stairs, doesn't close drawers or cupboards after himself, will often randomly stop 'helping' at bath time to play video games and will often leave his dinner plate on the table. His only redeeming qualities is that he reads to son#1 at bedtime, makes me a coffee in the morning and loads the dishwasher. He empties the bins, as do I, and will cook once a week... I have to say thank you and praise the meal at least 4 times though otherwise he gets moody. He point blank refuses to wash up ever.
To counteract these depressing aspects of my own marriage, please can you tell me all the lovely and kind things that your partners do or say to you? I think reading about a normal, happy marriage would be nice.
Don't tell me to LTB as I can't.

Tonight out of the blue my boyfriend told me that when he says I'm gorgeous, perfect and beautiful that he means it. Not a boast at all. He rarely says these things.
He's so kind, to me and others. He treats my 3 children like his ow, doesn't disrespect me, never calls me names in an argument, he's the best men I have or will ever meet.
I could go on and on.
Before him I was married to the most horrible man and never thought I could leave, but I did and so can you. Hindsight has taught me that it was me stopping myself.

Thank you - that is lovely to read.

OP Im so sorry your feeling like this...

tell me why you won't consider leaving as an option 🌸

I can't as I am single but couldn't just read and run.

Life is short OP. Don't live it unhappy.

We have been married for years now. He is intelligent, ambitious, funny (at times) and we share everything in the house. In more recent years we have had more of our own time as kids got older but always chat on an evening.

We are focussing on going out more together after lockdown ends and he has booked us nights out and time away...just odd nights not too far away but hotel and meal.

I still get flutters for him down below and ache for him if we are not intimate for a week at most.

I'm sad you can't leave yours....he isn't what is going to make you happy I can assure you and sounds awful

Mine brings me a cup of tea every morning.
He works long hours, so I don't have to. He really enjoys housework and does a much better job than me !
I told him this morning that my sister is visiting with her granddaughter and he's so excited for us. I love how he values family, mine really as his live far away. Pre covid, he had no problem with everyone descending on us, making the house a mess ! He's much more relaxed than me.
We're going out Saturday to sit outside a pub. I said what if it's raining? He said that it doesn't matter what we do, we'll still have a lovely time.

Mine still goes out if his way to try and make me laugh about things every day. We have been together for 35 years and still laugh together like we did on our first date.

Mine (through rose tinted spectacles obviously) thinks I'm wonderful and beautiful looking. He is gentle, intelligent, kind and very witty (and handsome).

He always makes me laugh, cooks most of our food, takes care of the house and the drudge jobs such as emptying the bins and weeding/mowing the garden. If I ask him to do something he does it right away.

The downsides? He farts a lot and eats all the cheese.

Mine is warm and loving. Huge arms and chest, big wrists to hold onto when we cuddle at night. Always in a good temper, never angry or sulky or difficult. Good listener. Loves giving orgasms. Does his share around the house. Never scary. Always just warm and cuddly and sweet.

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and I've been sick for most of it and my oh has been wonderful. He cooks me food , gets me drinks and snacks and we move tomorrow and he has packed up our entire house by himself. He will wake in the middle of the night while I'm throwing up and rub my back and has helped me shower when my blood pressure was low and I could barely stand. We've had our problems but he has been amazing so far and I'd be lost without him.

I could talk about mine forever! He’s smart, funny, incredibly quick and witty and makes me laugh constantly. He’s also incredibly sweet and affectionate, endlessly patient and kind. He takes more than his share of the housework and randomly brings me cups of tea and a kiss on the forehead while I’m working. Just a very considerate, selfless guy. I’m currently pregnant and can’t wait to see him as a father.

Back to you OP- that’s no way to live. You say you can’t leave, but can’t you make changes? Point out the issues and tell him you expect changes?

I'm in a very very new relationship but...
He's warm and kind, wants to listen to me, I feel supported and the sex is great

My boyfriend of a year is loving, helpful, affectionate, is a great conversationalist, is really interested in what I have to say. We do chores and diy and cook together whilst chatting so that it has become a pleasure and not a chore. Does things that need doing without asking - this still surprises me as have been so used to having to do everything on my own even when I was with my ex.

We were chatting about stroking and told me that it is nice to do and if it doesn't lead to anything then it is absolutely fine. In contrast to my ex who would get narky if I didn't want sex.

I sometimes get flashbacks of being with my ex and I'm so glad I'm out of that. It wasn't an easy decision and took years to actually split as we have kids, I was a sahm and I've had to start from scratch but it is absolutely worth it. I didn't really think I could leave either and actually, if I could change the past I would have split up with him years earlier.

Leave the man child.

Mine has to get up early every day to go to work but still let’s me have a lie in during the weekends and will stay with our toddler for a day this weekend so I can catch up with a friend. He also used his savings to pay for a baby sitter when a few months ago, we really didn’t have any spare money and I needed a break from taking care of DS mostly by myself from early morning until bedtime during the week.

Thank you for taking the time to write such positive comments.
I suppose I'm just trying to take stock of the reality of my current situation.

Mine isn't perfect. However we once went out for a morning coffee on a rare day off together when the kids were at school. There was a homeless man sat on some steps shivering with cold in just a t-shirt (it was winter). Dh took off his padded jacket, and helped the guy put in on, and gave him 20 pounds. Not the first time he's lost his coat in this way! That's the kind of man I want to be married to and I remember that when he's being a pain in the neck!

My husband is amazing.

I thank my lucky stars everyday I met him.

He pulls his weight (currently sorting the toddler for nursery after bringing me coffee in bed while I feed our newborn).

He respects me. He goes out of his way to ensure I’m ok.

He is a bugger for leaving cupboards and drawers open though 🙄 can’t have everything I suppose.

He literally flew halfway round the world with me to make sure I got home safely with our baby. Before doing the return trip the next day to conduct his own mother’s funeral.

Mine thinks I’m hilarious. He laughed for about half an hour after I said ‘lamb shank’ last night. I have no idea why, but it’s lovely that someone just really loves being with me so much. We make each other really happy.

Sorry to read OP but incredibly kind of you to ask people to focus on the positives of their OH. I’ll admit it’s made me think about DH in a positive light this morning after what’s been a difficult week at home, so I appreciate it.
My DH makes me laugh and is passionate about things he loves. He’s determined (watches YouTube videos to improve everything from diy skills to golf swing) and like a PP said, works really hard so I can work part time. He’s organised and clever when it comes to budgeting and finances and completely looks after our family in that way as I’m useless.
He compliments me when I’m in good shape and always tells me he fancies me even when I’m not. And he himself is a very good looking guy, I’m batting well above average!
Is there no way you can talk to your OH about how he makes you feel, OP?

Been married 10 years and am nearly 50. The last thing I heard before I went to sleep last night was 'I love you baby girl' . Woke up this morning to a cup of tea and 'good morning princess'. Does all the 'man jobs' around the house and a fair share of cleaning and cooking, although I tend to do more day to day because I have more spare time and I'm a bit control freaky about it. He's also very good at going to the shops...even if I decided I wanted a creme egg at midnight he'd happily go and get me one. He's kind, he's funny and he's good to me.

We've had some tricky times in our relationship, we argue, he's far from perfect, and has some annoying habits, but I wouldn't change him for the world.

I spent 15 years with someone who sounds like your husband and its exhausting. Not just being the one who does the majority of the donkey work, but the low level animosity and constant bad atmosphere / walking on eggshells because of his moods, and never feeling appreciated. Even to this day I sometimes feel weird or guilty when DH goes out of his way to do nice things for me as I got so used to being treated like shit. I used to read Internet dating profiles just so I could see all the nice sounding men out there who maybe one day I could meet if I was brave enough to leave, it makes me sad to think about it.

It took me a very very long time to leave, so I understand why you say you can't. Hopefully that will change for you one day OP

Mine brings me a tea each morning and is really hands on with both children.
He clears up any sick when the children are poorly as I gag on site.
He does all the DIY in the house, cooks and cleans alongside me.
Any extra money he gets he offers towards family life.
Only downside is his floordrobe and he is a grumpy bigger when tired. But I wouldn’t change him.

Mine cooks for me every day, even when he has worked long hours (we both do). He buys everything and pays all the bills because I am too poor with old debt that had nothing to do with him.
He loves DIY and will attempt (and succeed) at pretty much anything so we always have a nice home.
He is not perfect, and we argue sometimes. But nor am I and he is not afraid to say he is sorry and will always accept my apologies with a hug and reassure me that it'll be ok.
He tells me he loves me always and it's always the last thing I hear before I go to sleep.

I was with a terrible man once. Life is too short to be with someone who uses you and disrespects you. Much love to you OP.

I passed my driving test in 2017 but have been irrationally terrified of driving ever since (think sobbing before I've even started the engine!). My fiancé is SO patient, understanding and supportive. Never minds doing the driving himself and coaches me when I give it a go.

Brilliant father, would do anything for our toddler. He does have a PlayStation but it just gathers dust as he devotes so much time to us.

Does loads around the house and garden.

Has a successful medical career that can involve him putting himself in danger to help others. He's amazing, brave and clever but so modest and dislikes praise or fuss. Very driven and ambitious.

He loves his relatives and would do anything for them. Loves ds and me. Getting married in 18 days.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and hope things improve for u op

You have a choice.

You can accept mediocrity in your relationship or you can change it.

It’s nit easy, and people can get hurt.

I left a man child, who was a good kind person, but I didn’t want to continue having to do all the emotional labour for the next few decades. It was selfish and my family was hurt at the time, including my young daughter.

I refused to compromise in my next relationship and DD and my new partner are best friends, my family adore him, and he doesn’t expect a medal for making me breakfast every day, or doing the housework. He also looks after himself and is very sexy.

Leaving my marriage was the best decision I ever made.

Why are women not allowed to be selfish sometimes?

Aww sorry you aren’t being treated nicely OP . It doesn’t have to be that way.

DH & I met young, lived together, got married had our family. DH has always boosted my confidence, something I severely lacked when I met him, always compliments me, brings me a cup of tea & toast in bed in the morning, makes my lunch & dinner, he works from home, is always on hand to help me if I need it (dx with MS a few years ago). Always makes me laugh. Very affectionate. Loves me & our DS’ so much, we always come first. We are a very close family.

I hope life becomes better for you too OP, it’s horrible to feel unappreciated, no one deserves that & hugs to you.