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Original poster

My partner has been messaging and paying for numerous only fans accounts

96 replies

HennyLenry · 10/05/2021 11:55

Hi

I'm 26, I live with my partner who is 24. We have a house together and have lived here almost 3 years. This morning I discovered he has a separate insta account, and has also been paying for numerous only fans pages and messaging the girls.

In his photos he had tons of selfies saved off girls Instagram accounts, one of them being my best friend and another even my boss!

The only fans girls are all girls with ridiculous big boobs and huge BBL arses.

I've known something was up for a while, I just got the proof today, and I just need to leave. Why am I so scared? There's no coming back from this.

OP posts:
Original poster
HennyLenry · 10/05/2021 11:58

P.s he doesn't know I know yet.

OP posts:
costco · 10/05/2021 11:59

change is always scary! As long as you don' tmean you're scared of him, which it doesn't sound like. It's also quite a shock, and disappointing. But in your situation there isnt' really anything to stay for, he sounds incredibly immature and not ready for any kind of relationship.
hope the house deeds were done properly, then it shoudl be easy enough to sell and divide profit.

AllHallowsEve14 · 10/05/2021 12:02

What does BBL stand for?

Sorry you've got this to deal with, he's a creep.

Original poster
HennyLenry · 10/05/2021 12:02

@AllHallowsEve14

What does BBL stand for?

Sorry you've got this to deal with, he's a creep.

Brazilian butt lift. Think: kardashian. Thank you, I'm so disappointed. I feel embarrassed and it's not even me who should be :(
OP posts:
Original poster
HennyLenry · 10/05/2021 12:03

@costco

change is always scary! As long as you don' tmean you're scared of him, which it doesn't sound like. It's also quite a shock, and disappointing. But in your situation there isnt' really anything to stay for, he sounds incredibly immature and not ready for any kind of relationship. hope the house deeds were done properly, then it shoudl be easy enough to sell and divide profit.
It is! It's the fear of the unknown. I'm just scared of starting over, and having to leave... yes deeds done properly, I'm going to push for the sale of the house. God I feel sick Confused
OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 10/05/2021 12:05

His loss. I agree with pp he is immature.
You can do so much better. Kick him out! Why should you go?!!! X

LadyCatStark · 10/05/2021 12:05

Good luck, you sound like you’ve got this!

oohmama · 10/05/2021 12:09

You're so young, you literally have your whole life ahead of you
He's done you a massive favour tbh
You deserve better

Umberellatheweatha · 10/05/2021 12:11

Your friend and your boss..howk. I'd feel sick too.
What a pig.

Might be wise to talk to a solicitor about the house ect.. before telling him you know.

Do you have a family member or friend that would be supportive you can confide in?

999Alex · 10/05/2021 12:34

Be strong and get out. It's so hard because your life is going to completely change and that is so scary. Hold ur head high, you are doing the right thing getting rid of him. He's disgusting. I would be embarrassed too but you shouldn't it's him that should be. If you don't want to tell ppl exactly what went on just say he's bn messaging other girls or say nothing.

LibbyL92 · 10/05/2021 12:57

If my boyfriend had a photo my of best friend I’d knock him out.
That is massively over stepping the mark. Who does that?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Stay strong!

Deathgrip · 10/05/2021 13:00

One day you’ll look back at this as the best thing that ever happened to you. You’re so young and you found out now. That’s what you need.

Singlenotsingle · 10/05/2021 13:02

You're both too young to settle down. Hopefully you will have made some money on the house price?

HaNNaHC92 · 10/05/2021 13:09

@Singlenotsingle

You're both too young to settle down. Hopefully you will have made some money on the house price?
Why are they too young to settle down? I met my OH at 17, we bought our house together at 22. I'm now 6 days away from turning 29. We have 3 children. We've worked out perfectly fine and we've been together prior to the start of adulthood.
GCAcademic · 10/05/2021 13:13

Well, clearly he is too young to settle down. He's behaving like a teenage boy. If you were mature enough to settle down at that age, good for you. The OP's "partner" is not.

Kelly345 · 10/05/2021 14:08

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days.

bookworm20 · 10/05/2021 14:23

@Kelly345

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days.
I wouldn't call it flaky to expect some damn respect from my OH!

I too would leave someone over doing this. Its deceitful, disrespectful and not the actions of someone who cares about you.

What he has done is grim OP. I'm so sorry hes turned out to be such a dick. But you sound like you've got this. He on the other hand has clearly just lost a great woman.

H2OConnoisseur · 10/05/2021 14:29

@Kelly345

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days.
Sorry but just because your standards are so low that you condone your partner messaging others in a sexual context, paying for that interaction, and sexualising your friends doesn't mean that anyone else should have to do the same. The cheating aside (yes, I consider sexual interactions, even through messages, cheating), a lot of men my age are obsessed with porn these days and unfortunately, the objectification they do of women online translates, more often than not, into real world misogyny too.

There are plenty of better men out there OP. No point wasting any more time with someone like your DP. Change can be scary, but sometimes it's for the best. Best of luck. Thanks

ErickBroch · 10/05/2021 14:29

So sorry OP. That is unforgiveable.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/05/2021 14:32

@Kelly345

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days.
I think you have misunderstood what he has been doing. It isn't just passive looking at pictures. It is active discussions with women, collecting selfies. It's an interactive 2-way conversation PLUS the sexualisation of women he actually knows but has no personal relationship with.
RLEOM · 10/05/2021 20:49

Eww, this is really creepy and pervy when men do this. My ex was a porn addict, did exactly the same, saving pictures of his female friends in their bikinis etc. Definitely made me think twice about how dodgy Facebook and Instagram can be. And men 😂
I'm sure my ex used to get a pervy kick out of giving a hug hello or goodbye from my big-breasted aunties. 🤮 just, ew.

Devlesko · 10/05/2021 21:02

@Kelly345

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days.
A lot of these "girls" are under age, some as young as 14. The older teens do it to save for college/ uni. About 17k is the average earning between 16 - 18. I'm very liberal but I can't agree with Only fans.
messybun101 · 10/05/2021 21:29

Op - your partner is an absolute arsehole. What a creep. I'm sorry you are having to live with him knowing this it must be making your skin crawl.
Don't be embarrassed. You didn't know he had this side to him. You've been blindsided and that is not your fault. Don't blame yourself for this ever.

PP asked if you could speak to a solicitor first for advice before speaking to him, is this possible? Or will you find it too hard to wait?

Now, why can't you kick him out? Why should you be unsettled in your home until the sale? It could be a while and if you can't cohabitate then it shouldn't be you that leaves. How can his behaviour be your fault? 'Oh sorry I have a boss and friend you're attracted to honey. I'll find ones less sexually attractive to you in future so our relationship survives...' emm NO!!

Do you have someone IRL you can speak with who can support you? Or help?

Sending lots of support- you've got this!!

floofycroissant · 10/05/2021 21:33

Talk to a friend, even tell the friend in question. Get yourself some support nearby and someone who'll be there to listen and help you move forward

H2OConnoisseur · 10/05/2021 23:55

About 17k is the average earning between 16 - 18.

17k is on the upper end. A lot of women/girls on there barely make any money if they're not already 'famous' on other platforms like tiktok or Instagram and sometimes end up resorting to more and more explicit materials to retain/attract an audience.

There's also a substantial amount of lying involved. This comes in 2 parts. One, 'content creators' on there get a cut of the profits from every one they recruit to be a 'content creator' on the site. It's a bit like MLMs in a way. Two, if you're not earning much on there, why would you mention it? Sadly, the monetisation of content often leads creators to, in a way, equate their self-worth to how desirable they are i.e. how much money they make. We hear about the ones who succeed. What nobody hears about is the multitudes that don't.