My partner has been messaging and paying for numerous only fans accounts

[HennyLenry]

Hi

I'm 26, I live with my partner who is 24. We have a house together and have lived here almost 3 years. This morning I discovered he has a separate insta account, and has also been paying for numerous only fans pages and messaging the girls.

In his photos he had tons of selfies saved off girls Instagram accounts, one of them being my best friend and another even my boss!

The only fans girls are all girls with ridiculous big boobs and huge BBL arses.

I've known something was up for a while, I just got the proof today, and I just need to leave. Why am I so scared? There's no coming back from this.

You are so young, you will get through this and not look back I promise you. The next bit (leaving) is hard and scary of course, sending you lots of strength, but can do this, you have everything to gain

At least he is paying for porn and not fuelling the abuse seen on the free sites.

Hi everyone,

Update: I ended things last night. At first, he lied then I told him I found his old phone and he just put his head in his hands and said he was sorry, I asked him why he did it he says "I don't know" ... he says he needs help.

I'm not prepared to stay and "help him" .. this has been going on for 3 years, we've only been together 4. He started turning it around on me by saying I'm not bothered, I don't care and I don't want to "help him" and I just want to "give up" ... but I really don't think this is forgivable.

He's been sending money to women on adultwork (escort/SW site) too.

@coronaway

At least he is paying for porn and not fuelling the abuse seen on the free sites.

Such a fantastic silver lining thank you

Yes, such a silver lining for you!! Pshaw!

I am so sorry that he chose to follow the script and to blame his actions on you!

I hope you can stay strong and start to enjoy your new life quickly.

As you said, helping him really isn't your job! His actions aren't forgivable in my world either!

It's pathetic isn't it - he needs help.

Well fucking delete the shit off your phone, google a therapist and get help.

Except he never wanted help, which you already know, this was just a sop to frame himself as a victim when his lies didn't work on you and try to get you to do all the grunt work of salvaging your relationship.

I'm so very glad you know your worth.

He's clearly not worth your time. I'm sorry that he wasted it. But he has shown you who he is by trying to make you responsible for his shitty behaviour. It will hurt (and please never think it's you, he's just a deceptive, blame-shifting shitbag), but you've had a lucky escape. You aren't going to waste any more of your precious time on this self absorbed cheater. He's never going to change, he thinks it's other people's responsibility to do that for him.

Well done for having the strength to know your own worth, OP.
Slimy pathetic bastard. How dare he?

Well done for dumping him. Do not take him back. He will never change, he will always be a fucking creep.

@H2OConnoisseur

About 17k is the average earning between 16 - 18.

17k is on the upper end. A lot of women/girls on there barely make any money if they're not already 'famous' on other platforms like tiktok or Instagram and sometimes end up resorting to more and more explicit materials to retain/attract an audience.

There's also a substantial amount of lying involved. This comes in 2 parts. One, 'content creators' on there get a cut of the profits from every one they recruit to be a 'content creator' on the site. It's a bit like MLMs in a way. Two, if you're not earning much on there, why would you mention it? Sadly, the monetisation of content often leads creators to, in a way, equate their self-worth to how desirable they are i.e. how much money they make. We hear about the ones who succeed. What nobody hears about is the multitudes that don't.

My point was these girls are making this sort of money, before they are 18. They are getting lured in at an early age, they really are making the money. We need to wake up to the fact and parents need to be aware.

What a loser he is.

Nevermind op, pack up and get rid.

@Kelly345

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days.

Wow the bar is really that low with some people isn’t it It’s not just ‘looking at some pictures ‘ I think only an idiot or someone deliberately trying to act naive would pretend not to know exactly what men do with such pictures Some people have mysogyny so ingrained within them that they think women are not allowed to have even the most basic of boundaries for respect It’s a sad reflection that so little has change for some people when it comes to women’s rights

Well done OP. So glad you didn't get dragged into being responsible for making him stop.

He started turning it around on me by saying I'm not bothered, I don't care and I don't want to "help him" and I just want to "give up"

"help" !!???

Why tf should you have to spend your time policing his frankly embarrassing thirst levels and subsequent fuckery!!??

He will he doing it long after you've given him the boot as he obviously finds that a valuable use of his time and headspace.

You're leagues above this twat. Bin him.

Entitled fucking cunt. That's what he is. Demanding you stay and fix him. Remember this, he expects you to monitor and help him. Instead of doing the work that an equal adult would. It was fucked for 3 years of your 4 year relationship. Because of him. And yet you're expected to fix him? Fuck off loser. I wish you all the best.

@PurpleTrilby

Entitled fucking cunt. That's what he is. Demanding you stay and fix him. Remember this, he expects you to monitor and help him. Instead of doing the work that an equal adult would. It was fucked for 3 years of your 4 year relationship. Because of him. And yet you're expected to fix him? Fuck off loser. I wish you all the best.

Perfectly said !

Did you kick him out until you've had time to think about your housing situation op?

Because as I said before, he'd make my skin crawl I couldn't be around him.

Stay strong, you're doing great!

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words...

Unfortunately he's still here, he just keeps pestering me saying he's sorry, he loves me, he's been saving for an engagement ring (which I personally think is bollocks) ... he says he would "do anything for me", he wants to try and work on it even if it takes years.

I said I do not have any more years to give him, I have given him enough of my life. He's been on webcam with escorts, sending them money... the works. The hardest part is the creepy photos he has in his phone, a lot of them are of girls he knows I can't stand 🤣 ... I'm feeling really terrible right now, and second guessing myself even though I know I can never go back.

This is the hardest thing in the world.

Tell him what he wants is irrelevant his behaviour means you no longer love him — if you want to get him out nicely say he needs to go at the moment but you will stay friends and look again at the situation in a few months— I can guarantee this person will find someone to latch onto within 6 weeks- they always do

Addictions are hard to break, and porn addiction seems to he equally hard, if not harder. I think the worst part is how it impacts on your self esteem and that's certainly not worth losing over a man.

Clearly not saving hard enough for said ring if he's sending money to prostitutes.

They're always sorry the moment they are caught.

Was he giving escorts the engagement ring money to hold onto for safe keeping? You know, incase his bank account spontaneously combusts

OP, you really need to fuck this arsehole off!
It’s bad enough paying for only fans but a picture of your boss and best friend? Naaaahhhh, it’ll just get worse.

One of my earliest red flags with my emotionally and domestically abusive ex was when he met my bf for the first time on my birthday, when she was out smoking he came over and announced in front of me, my dad and cousin that she was the fittest lass he’d ever seen and would fuck her all over the place!

He’d already worn my confidence that much that although I was furious (my dad wanted to put him 6 feet under) I didn’t leave. We argued, apologised and it just got worse from there for 4 years.

Leave this piece of shit, you deserve so much better! It is the unknown that’s scary and when me and him split as much as I hated him so much, I was a mess for months, I did also get made redundant so it was stress all round but I can honestly say, a year on, I’ve worked through it, I’m back to who I was before meeting him and everything is coming together and I look back and think, why did I EVER put up with his shite for so long?

Surround yourself with loved ones, I can’t tell you amazing they all were, listening to the same rant and crying over and over. But reach out, those closest want to help as much as possible, take and ask what ever you need and get free and live the life you deserve!

I’m wishing you all the best, taking the first step is the hardest. Take it one day at a time and I wish you all the best for your future, hopefully without that piece of shit still in it. X

Aw would he be there all forbearing and supportive and charitable, giving you "help" if you had loads of pics of his mates and acquaintances in a wank folder and if you were messaging and paying for pics and videos and camming make escorts?

The fuck he would.

Nice try though with the manipulation and guilt though. You need to.stsbd by me and help me and support me, you don't care if you don't, mwah mwah.

Fk me, every now and then I have the urge to do physical violence on a poster's (ex) partner, avd this is one of those times.

Cross posted, only just seen your update. Be strong and as I said no n my other post, get as much support from family and friends you can and keep that cheating fucker as far away from you as possible. It’ll be crap for a bit but you seem a strong independent lass and you’ll get through it all. Brighter days ahead me lovely 😊