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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner has been messaging and paying for numerous only fans accounts

96 replies

HennyLenry · 10/05/2021 11:55

Hi

I'm 26, I live with my partner who is 24. We have a house together and have lived here almost 3 years. This morning I discovered he has a separate insta account, and has also been paying for numerous only fans pages and messaging the girls.

In his photos he had tons of selfies saved off girls Instagram accounts, one of them being my best friend and another even my boss!

The only fans girls are all girls with ridiculous big boobs and huge BBL arses.

I've known something was up for a while, I just got the proof today, and I just need to leave. Why am I so scared? There's no coming back from this.

OP posts:
MarshmallowAra · 13/05/2021 00:06

*male escorts

MarshmallowAra · 13/05/2021 00:11

You have to wonder from reading on Mumsnet if cheaters and sex worker users have a text book that says "when caught, tell your main woman (victim) that you need help, it's an addiction, make her support you, if you can; make her take some of the blame, if things aren't going well, say you feel.suicidal etc etc.

Lex345 · 13/05/2021 06:34

I wonder that too Marshmallow, you see it so often on here, I wonder if these men realise how pathetic it sounds that they are unable to control themselves. Personally I could have no respect for any man who told me that they needed help to stop viewing women as a commodity to be bought and discarded at will for sexual gratification. It says a lot about their general view of women and their sense of entitlement.

ThatIsMyPotato · 13/05/2021 06:39

Stay strong. In a years time you'll look back (if not before) and wonder why you were so attached to him in the first place. Good luck Flowers

Devilrocknroller · 13/05/2021 07:43

Think of all the "engagement ring money" he could've saved but instead used for porn sites and cam girls. You deserve so much better

spotcheck · 13/05/2021 07:51

@coronaway

At least he is paying for porn and not fuelling the abuse seen on the free sites.
I can't even. Because porn doesn't fuel abuse/ organised crime etc
Wiredforsound · 13/05/2021 08:06

When did it become your job to help him or fix him? That can fuck right off.

messybun101 · 13/05/2021 09:25

Personally I could have no respect for any man who told me that they needed help to stop viewing women as a commodity to be bought and discarded at will for sexual gratification.

I have to agree. Maybe I'm not as open minded to some of the MNers who post on threads about it being an addiction, they can't help it, they need professional help etc and I think yes. They absolutely do need professional help. Not from me though. I wave the white flag at overusing FREE porn never mind paying thousands for it.

These pictures of women you both know, that he knows you don't like, honestly - yuk! But ESPECIALLY the ones you don't like. I would find that even more horrid if it was women I didn't get along with (don't shout at me, I don't know why)

And the ring... bollocks to that op you're right calling BS on it.
Echo pp - they're always sorry when they get caught

I know this is so hard for you and you'll be feeling ok sorts of emotions. Embarrassment being one of them probably. But don't be.
This is him. Not you. You've done nothing to create this behaviour he did it himself. He is the one who has broken your trust and it's gone too far to me mended. He is not your problem to fix

Again @HennyLenry - you're doing great!

Original poster
HennyLenry · 14/05/2021 23:14

So..

I'm viewing a house on Tuesday. Hopefully all is well, I need to get out of here. He tried it on with me last night how disgusting.

I've taken a second job over the weekend for a bit of extra cash, I really need to be on my feet right now.

I checked his phone again and found a text to his dad, saying he's going to try and "go to court to force me off the mortgage" and his dad said "don't let her know, or she will start paying bills to make it look like she's contributing". No wonder he was trying to get me to sign the bills over to him.

He's been pestering me non stop to take him back and "work on it even if it takes a few years" how fucking insulting.

OP posts:
Feelingsad101 · 15/05/2021 00:07

Good luck op . Put this person out of your head , hold you head up high and be happy. All the best 💜

IND1A · 15/05/2021 11:02

@HennyLenry

So..

I'm viewing a house on Tuesday. Hopefully all is well, I need to get out of here. He tried it on with me last night how disgusting.

I've taken a second job over the weekend for a bit of extra cash, I really need to be on my feet right now.

I checked his phone again and found a text to his dad, saying he's going to try and "go to court to force me off the mortgage" and his dad said "don't let her know, or she will start paying bills to make it look like she's contributing". No wonder he was trying to get me to sign the bills over to him.

He's been pestering me non stop to take him back and "work on it even if it takes a few years" how fucking insulting.

Good detective work OP. Now you really know what kind of lying shit he is.

I wonder what happened to “ saving for an engagement ring “ and trying to work on it for yearsHmm .

EarthSight · 15/05/2021 19:52

@Kelly345

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days.
You what??? If you think immature men like this who are constantly salivating at women, even to the point of collecting photos of their partner's best friend and boss, you are welcome to all of them, including the OnlyFans types. The OP has boundaries and should not be shamed for having them @Kelly345
EarthSight · 15/05/2021 19:56

No wonder he was trying to get me to sign the bills over to him. He's been pestering me non stop to take him back and "work on it even if it takes a few years" how fucking insulting.

Oh my God. Thank goodness you've found out this all now when you're still so young, although I'm sorry you've had the experience.

Yeah....work on it even for a few years lol? So he can keep wanking away to OnlyFans and spending loads of money on other women?? So he can leave, or shag someone else you right at the point you might want to have children? There's nothing to work on.

EarthSight · 15/05/2021 19:59

He's been sending money to women on adultwork (escort/SW site) too

There we go. Thought so. I think OnlyFans is often the first step towards using prostitutes in the flesh. If you'd given him a few extra years, I would take a bet that he would have reached that point.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 20:02

@Kelly345

So you need to leave because he's been looking at pictures? No wonder relationships are so flakey these days

Or maybe in 2021 women thankfully have more options when it comes to life choices and less social pressure (though still plenty unfortunately) so don't feel so trapped in shit relationships that they tolerate being disrespected.

In this case by a man saying he's broke while paying for pictures of women to wank off to, sending money via adultwork which is generally used to book sex workers, and collecting and saving pictures of his partner's friend and boss... which is not only shitty to OP but also really fucking creepy and invasive in general.

Everyone has their own bar when it comes to relationships, thankfully many people's aren't as low as thinking this behaviour is even close to viable in a healthy relationship.

I'd say OP has made a pretty sensible choice ending this relationship, wouldn't you?

RantyAnty · 15/05/2021 20:23

Fuck this devious lying pos.
Get some legal advice about your house straight away.

Hope you kicked this disgusting worm out of your bedroom. He thinks sexing you up will buy him time to screw you over.

Tell him on no uncertain terms to never touch you again!

Original poster
HennyLenry · 13/06/2021 01:00

Hi, just a little update for anyone who is interested.. it's been a month and yesterday I moved into my new rented home. I feel so relieved to be away from him - he kept masturbating in front of me and asking me to have sex with him. It was really quite disturbing. Towards the end he started to be very nasty, saying things intended to hurt me such as:

"When you lose weight your tits are the first to go"

"When you get a new boyfriend you'll have to get up to do your make up before you get up"

"You're going to be the oldest hairdresser going training at 26 - I can't wait to watch you fuck it all up" (I'm retraining in hairdressing after wanting to do it since 16, don't worry I took no notice of this absolutely ridiculous comment)

Onwards and upwards from here

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 13/06/2021 01:05

Good for you. He’s an arse and you’re well rid! Good luck with your hairdressing course.

Suprima · 13/06/2021 01:14

@HennyLenry

Hi, just a little update for anyone who is interested.. it's been a month and yesterday I moved into my new rented home. I feel so relieved to be away from him - he kept masturbating in front of me and asking me to have sex with him. It was really quite disturbing. Towards the end he started to be very nasty, saying things intended to hurt me such as:

"When you lose weight your tits are the first to go"

"When you get a new boyfriend you'll have to get up to do your make up before you get up"

"You're going to be the oldest hairdresser going training at 26 - I can't wait to watch you fuck it all up" (I'm retraining in hairdressing after wanting to do it since 16, don't worry I took no notice of this absolutely ridiculous comment)

Onwards and upwards from here

Well done you, look at what you saved yourself from.

He told you who he was- and you believed him. Others with standards on the floor would have said ‘oh it’s just pictures’ ‘oh he has a sex additiction!’ and proceeded to waste absolute years on this vile man. Look at what disgusting things came out his mouth once he knew the jig was up.

So proud of you. Onwards and upwards, and best of luck with the hairdressing. X

Anordinarymum · 13/06/2021 01:17

OP You are too young to be settling down and so is he. Have some time dating and going out and having fun. Life is too short for this sort of shit

Peach01 · 13/06/2021 06:24

Good for you! He cannot bare to see you doing well and moving on while he'll never evolve from being a grotty, immature sleaze. All of his nasty comments are a reflection on how he feels about himself. He's scared.

I hope you love your new course Smile

Shoxfordian · 13/06/2021 07:01

Great update
Good luck in your new course and enjoy your life without him

Weenurse · 13/06/2021 07:06

Great update, well done 💐

goody2shooz · 13/06/2021 07:15

Great news - now get that house sold and enjoy the rest of your life! Well done you!

OrchestraOfWankery · 13/06/2021 07:19

Just read this thread. What a great update! what a fabulous future you have!

Him? Not so much eh. Sad little immature wanker Grin

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