To want to re home our 10 month old puppy...

[intheloudhouse]

We got a cockapoo last summer. He's a nice natured dog and house trained quite easily but he just causes me so much stress.

I have a very active 4 year old and I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with HG so most days moving from the sofa is an effort at the moment.

He chews all DS's toys, all of my underwear to shreds (he gets it out of the washing basket) he terrorises the cat, (we have to now feed the cat on the kitchen table as he eats her food) goes into the bins and rips everything up that's in then, he annoys DS and steals food from his plate, he constantly jumps up on the back of the sofa to look out of the window and bark.. when DP is away I can't even go and stay with my parents for support as he hassles their elderly dog.. and quite simply I honestly don't have the energy or headspace to be able to give him the love and attention he needs at the moment with me being so unwell and then obviously I'll have a baby too in 5 months.

DP will not have any of it that I want to rehome him. He says he would rather get rid of me first. But it's me that's left with him while he goes out to work or for meals or days out with his friends on a weekend!

I just don't know what to do.

Message from MNHQ - please do read all the OP's posts before commenting as there is more to this thread than initially appears and the OP is in need of support. Thank you.

If you want to re-home him, just do it and tell dp afterwards. When I wanted a dog, my dp said no. So I went out and got one, paid for her, and she was there to greet dp when he got home from work! Sometimes you just have to take control.

What is your living situation OP? Can you kick him out?

Posters: please read all of OP’s comments

She is NOT considering this on a whim.

Do not write hurtful comments to someone who is extremely vulnerable and is being neglected by her partner.

@lostlife

I am also in North Yorkshire in harrogate If you are local I am happy to take him out

That would be amazing, but I am the other side of North Yorkshire near Scarborough? The experienced owner who would possibly be happy to rehome could be perfect though, it's just DH who says he won't let me. I've wondered about just doing it while he's at work but I can't even imagine how much he would kick off and what the repercussions would be. I don't know how to get him on side at all. Thank you so much x

I just don't know what to do as I feel so vulnerable at the moment. I've cried more this year than I have ever I think and my sister died suddenly last year so I did a lot of crying then!

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. Poor you. It's perhaps no wonder you made some decisions that you are now regretting. Grief does strange things to us.

Mum isn't very supportive her attitude is very much you made your bed, so you lie in it. Says she doesn't understand why I got the dog or got pregnant. Neither do I now, but having her reiterate that all the time doesn't help.
Your mum is grieving too, I guess? Although that is me trying really hard to be charitable because that's really very cold on the face of it. I'm sorry.

Dads lovely and he does care and have time for me but he's in his 70s and I hate thinking I'm causing him stress. I just can't rock up at theirs with my 4 year old who is so active and me basically not being able to do anything.
I think you can. At the least, if you turn up with your 4 year old temporarily you can make a plan with a clearer head. My dad is in his 70s and wouldn't relish the idea of a vomiting me and a full-on preschooler but he would certainly do it to support me if he felt my partner was being such a shitbag.

Yep - we live in yorkshire and at least 2 weekends a month he travels down to Essex to play for his "professional paintball team" - he's 30 next month. I've asked if he'd put it on hold while I'm like this but in fact he's been going more often.
He's a complete and absolute waste of space. Please leave him.

At this moment in time to be quite honest I don't feel like I want to be alive anymore.
HG can do this to you. If you need to terminate for your own health, then that is a valid choice open to you. You must not carry on feeling in this much distress. Part of it is physical and part of it is mental.

The puppy is the least of it.

Please go to your dad's. Even just for a while.

Please read the updates people

OP - I still think you should rehome the puppy. It’s the last thing you need right now. Get that done and it’s one burden gone at least.

I also think it’s quite obvious you should start taking steps towards leaving your DP. He’s horrible to you and he isn’t pulling his weight with parenting or supporting you while you are ill. Professional paintball FFS, what even is that. I know it must seem really scary but I think your parents will support you once you start taking steps to separate, I would guess your mum is just frustrated at you embedding yourself further into a bad situation.

As for the pregnancy: only you can decide. No judgment here either way. The decision should be based on what you want, not DP’s views.

Good luck. I know it must seem overwhelming right now. One step at a time.

Rehome the dog. Contact a dog shelter today and get that sorted and then I’d start planning to leave your oh.

Would you all be so unkind and scathing if OP had a different chronic condition that had just appeared since getting the dog?

Anyone who has had HG will realise how untenable the situation is.

Anyone who reads about her DP should see that it’s not her fault.

I really feel for you OP, it does really sound like you need to shake off all the stresses, and if that means a termination, a breakup, and rehoming the dog, then it is for the best for you at this moment in time.

You will find a great home for the dog really really quickly.

I'd leave and take some time to recover with family, if you were my sister I'd clear the space and bring you here, it wouldn't be ideal but good friends and family would make room for you. Then get a job to support yourself and start all over again but without your absolute dick of a 'D'P

@intheloudhouse fuck DH. Rehome the dog. If DH leaves you because of it, then good riddance. A decent husband wouldn't force you into this situation. Get an abortion if you can't continue the pregnancy. Don't feel bad about any of it

Rehome the puppy and your partner.
Make a decision about baby and get yourself and dc a better life.

@Iyland

What is your living situation OP? Can you kick him out?

The mortgage is in both our names as we got it together when I was working full time. But currently financially I'm not contributing and he says it would be me who has to leave as I have my parents locally but his are abroad and his family is down south, and he wouldn't pay for me to live in the house for any length of time while he rented somewhere else x

Rehome the dog (take up *lostlifes offer) while the arsehole is away at the weekend. Refuse to tell him where it is, say it escaped if necessary
Pack up you and your child’s things and go to your Dads, it might be stressful for your Dad but I am sure he would rather you left that awful man.

Seriously OP if you have someone willing to take the dog, just do it while he's at work. He'll throw a tantrum of course but I'm sure he'll get over it.

TBH I would end the pregnancy and either rehome the dog or leave it with your partner. Go to a friend or relative with your child and look for another job. Ask relative to let you stay until you get back on your feet.

Your current situation isn't sustainable, or happy

Hi OP!
Please please ring NYCC and ask for a referral to the Living Well Team. They will help you to work out what you want to do and then help you to complete those actions!
You need support & it’s there job to support people to improve their situations so they can remain independent and secure x

Sorry OP, did not read your updates.

A lot of things going on for you @intheloudhouse. It sounds like you really need to get away from this man first and foremost. If he doesn’t even like you and you don’t like him then that’s no situation for children. Can you move to your parents’ home for a short while to get on your feet?

It seems there are two priorities 1) rehome the poor dog. 2) leave this man. But please please don’t leave the poor dog with this man who sounds like he is not around all day. I would really have a talk on the quiet with a good dog rehoming charity as they may well have advice about rehoming dogs when there’s a domestic break up. I don’t know how you go about it when one party hasn’t come to their senses about the responsibilities of owning a dog. I wish the barriers to owning any animal, not just dogs, were far higher. Cockapoos are high energy and bright dogs. They need off lead exercise every day, lots of repetitive positive reinforcement training. Unless you’re used to dogs already then I think getting a puppy when you’ve got small children is a huge mistake and it’s the dog that suffers.

This is probably unwise but I think I’d be rehoming the dog on the quiet and leaving on the same day so he comes home to an empty house. Not to be vengeful but so he can’t take it out on the dog or on you if the dog has gone. Can you put the dog’s record at the vet and his chip details in your name and your parents address so he’s your dog and therefore yours to rehome? I wouldn’t return to the breeder (if that’s even possible) as your partner may make that his first port of call. Good luck, it sounds very tricky.

I said don’t get another dog but actually thinking back we had a cocker before we had children. When we had a child we were moving and the fog went to my mums for a month whilst we stayed with other family. Purchase fell through and we ended up renting a few doors away from my mum but the dog stayed with her as it adored her dog and the rental was very upmarket (n Yorkshire moors) We still saw her everyday and waked it. Then I had another baby. Then we moved a bit further away and the dog stayed with her- still saw it all the time until it died oc okd age about 3 years later, with me at the vets

We have since had a lab for 12 years and rehomed 2 cockapoos

So when the time is right a dog can work

If dp wants to keep the dog then he can look after it! Cockapoos are known for being energetic and excitable, and all puppies like to chew and destroy things, and eat the cat's food. Go and stay with your parents even just for a few weeks - leave the dog with your dp and tell him it's his responsibility.

I'd accept the offer to re-home the dog, arrange to meet up and just say it's a test run.
But really just let the puppy go.

Poor. Bloody. Dog.

I'm sorry that some posters are not reading the whole thread OP.

Ignore them, they are being arseholes.