Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To want to re home our 10 month old puppy...

457 replies

intheloudhouse · 10/05/2021 10:15

We got a cockapoo last summer. He's a nice natured dog and house trained quite easily but he just causes me so much stress.

I have a very active 4 year old and I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with HG so most days moving from the sofa is an effort at the moment.

He chews all DS's toys, all of my underwear to shreds (he gets it out of the washing basket) he terrorises the cat, (we have to now feed the cat on the kitchen table as he eats her food) goes into the bins and rips everything up that's in then, he annoys DS and steals food from his plate, he constantly jumps up on the back of the sofa to look out of the window and bark.. when DP is away I can't even go and stay with my parents for support as he hassles their elderly dog.. and quite simply I honestly don't have the energy or headspace to be able to give him the love and attention he needs at the moment with me being so unwell and then obviously I'll have a baby too in 5 months.

DP will not have any of it that I want to rehome him. He says he would rather get rid of me first. But it's me that's left with him while he goes out to work or for meals or days out with his friends on a weekend!

I just don't know what to do.

Message from MNHQ - please do read all the OP's posts before commenting as there is more to this thread than initially appears and the OP is in need of support. Thank you.

OP posts:
00100001 · 10/05/2021 11:55

Leave your husband.

Yes you're financially reliant on him at the moment.

BUT FUCKING LEAVE HIM.

This man is making you feel that a GENUINE course of action is to kill a fucking baby, because he can't step up and be a fucking adult?

Snooks1971 · 10/05/2021 11:55

@Nammamua

You have a lot on your plate OP and need to make some tough decisions. It is very much to your credit that you recognise this.

You are right. You need to rehome the dog, sack off your partner and rebuild your life. I will not say anything about your pregnancy as only you can decide what to do.

Courage OP and best foot forward towards a better new life. Our time on planet earth is too short and precious to waste in awful circumstances that won’t improve.

Well said and spot on.
SkodaKodiaq · 10/05/2021 11:55

Are you anywhere near North Yorkshire OP?

Blacksheepcat · 10/05/2021 11:56

FFS, another idiot who buys a puppy on a whim. Why on earth did you get a dog if you were not prepared to put the work in, especially a puppy? He’s not even a year old and you want rid. You have heard the saying ‘a dogs is for life’ surely?
Having said that, the poor dog should not stay with you as he deserves a secure and loving home.

Mahrezis · 10/05/2021 11:57

You need to convince your DP to let him go. He doesn’t deserve this and will no doubt be better loved and cared for elsewhere. Think twice before you get a dog. They are hard work and take over your lives.

Original poster
intheloudhouse · 10/05/2021 11:57

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

Things won't improve by themselves OP, you need to make them. Cut this man off, he doesn't care about you. Don't tie yourself to him and waste your life. He can sort the dog out if he wants it. professional paintball? Fuck me
I just don't know what to do as I feel so vulnerable at the moment. I've cried more this year than I have ever I think and my sister died suddenly last year so I did a lot of crying then! Mum isn't very supportive her attitude is very much you made your bed, so you lie in it. Says she doesn't understand why I got the dog or got pregnant. Neither do I now, but having her reiterate that all the time doesn't help. Dads lovely and he does care and have time for me but he's in his 70s and I hate thinking I'm causing him stress. I just can't rock up at theirs with my 4 year old who is so active and me basically not being able to do anything. Yep - we live in yorkshire and at least 2 weekends a month he travels down to Essex to play for his "professional paintball team" - he's 30 next month. I've asked if he'd put it on hold while I'm like this but in fact he's been going more often. At this moment in time to be quite honest I don't feel like I want to be alive anymore.
OP posts:
ninesevenfivethree · 10/05/2021 11:57

I don't think it should be your dp's decision if he's not pulling his weight re training and walking. I'd say if you wanted to keep the dog, get more training, get one-to-one training if you're finding it hard, feed the cat in a secure area, and get bins and laundry bins with lids or put them in cupboards.

But, if you're the prime carer of the dog, then it should be your shout regarding rehoming. The dog will be happier in a family where it's wanted and who have time to train him. It should be easy to re-home a cockapoo, but either find someone you know 100% will care for the dog or do it through a reputable rehoming organisation like Dog's Trust, don't use pets4homes or any sites that are trawled by people looking to breed or sell dogs on for a profit.

BrilliantBetty · 10/05/2021 11:58

Yes maybe you should rehome puppy.

Things are going to get much tougher for you and v soon. Late pregnancy and a 4 year old will be hard as will having a newborn.

Sadly you made a mistake getting the dog. Find him a new home while he is still young enough that people will want him and he'll still be well receptive to training. Bless him.

Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 10/05/2021 11:58

Poor dog. It’ll be one of thousands that was acquired during lockdown then abandoned when the going got tough. Puppies are not easy. The dog deserves better.

daisyjgrey · 10/05/2021 11:58

Do you have another thread? About having HG and being 20 weeks pregnant and considering an abortion? If not, there are some v odd parallels!

00100001 · 10/05/2021 11:58

You may struggle financially for a bit. But you won't be so fucking screwed up that a man can make you feel so desparate you're considering aborting a baby.

How will life be any easier when you still have a 4 year old and mad puppy a shitty husband AND have to grieve over a baby you felt forced to terminate? Why would your husband suddenly step up and support you through that difficult time? What indication is there that he will be a supportive person in that scenario?

More likely he'll either resent you, you'll resent him. or he'll tell you to stop whining and get on with the decision "you" made

leave him. Go to your mums. go anywhere.

Fucking get him to financially support his TWO children.

and live a happier life.

Wafflewombat · 10/05/2021 11:58

Rehome the DH & the dog.

We have a puppy, it's been a real team effort. The only time in 25 years that I've threatened to chuck DH out was when he was being mardy about having to watch pup 24/7.

There is a great FB dog training group. It's easy to find as it's now huge.

Basically if you don't want the bad behaviour, you need to nip it in the bud.
Toys up, dog out to toilet after sleeping, playing, etc. Difficult now but it sounds like you have too many other things going on.

Original poster
intheloudhouse · 10/05/2021 11:58

@SkodaKodiaq

Are you anywhere near North Yorkshire OP?
Yes, I'm in North Yorkshire.
OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 10/05/2021 11:59

The dog in not house trained, toilet trained yes but not house trained.

00100001 · 10/05/2021 11:59

@Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel

Poor dog. It’ll be one of thousands that was acquired during lockdown then abandoned when the going got tough. Puppies are not easy. The dog deserves better.
look a tthe bigger picture.

yes, poor dog.

But there is a human being here, considering a late termination, because her HUSBAND is absent, non-supportive and has said he hates her....

LibertyMole · 10/05/2021 11:59

Some of these problems can be resolved really easily.

Get a dog proof bin and washing basket.

Eat at the table.

lostlife · 10/05/2021 11:59

I have an 11 month cockapoo
We rehomed him

He needs 2 hours of walks a day or he is lively but give him that and he is great

Rehome yours and never get another dog
Please dont try to sell him. He needs a permanent home not to end up as a dog repeatedly sold down the pub

Is he neutered?
That makes a big difference

Original poster
intheloudhouse · 10/05/2021 12:00

@daisyjgrey

Do you have another thread? About having HG and being 20 weeks pregnant and considering an abortion? If not, there are some v odd parallels!
Yes it's me, I've not name changed. I expected it to be 2 different subjects but it's all more part of the same problem than I realised!
OP posts:
lostlife · 10/05/2021 12:00

I am also in North Yorkshire in harrogate
If you are local I am happy to take him out

Definately · 10/05/2021 12:01

@Blacksheepcat

FFS, another idiot who buys a puppy on a whim. Why on earth did you get a dog if you were not prepared to put the work in, especially a puppy? He’s not even a year old and you want rid. You have heard the saying ‘a dogs is for life’ surely? Having said that, the poor dog should not stay with you as he deserves a secure and loving home.
Oh do RTFT before jumping in with both feet to voice your half baked opinions. The OPs husband is verging on abusive, she's suffering with HG, they're dealing with the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy. Life fucking happens and sometimes you can't look after your pets anymore, rehoming them through a breed rescue is the most responsible thing you can do in that situation. Should she keep the dog forever until it dies, in a house where it isn't being walked and looked after properly, just because? Because you've decided it's the best thing for it? You don't know much about dogs then because they don't care who owns them as long as they have someone who feeds them and walks them and scratches their tummy.
Thatswatshesaid · 10/05/2021 12:01

I think if you are feeling this terrible and you 100% know you won’t regret it then I would end the pregnancy and leave you ‘d’p. You might have to suck up living with a friend or relative for a while until you can get a job or be if it’s sorted. Being this unhappy is no way to live.

lostlife · 10/05/2021 12:02

I do also know a very experienced dog owner looking for a rehome in harrogate

Iyland · 10/05/2021 12:03

lostlife that is lovely

TatianaBis · 10/05/2021 12:03

I’ve just clocked you’re 20 weeks. That would be very difficult thing to put yourself through.

Can you see a way forward with 2 kids without DP?

OrangeRug · 10/05/2021 12:04

Jesus Christ will people stop calling her names. Does verbally abusing an ill pregnant woman from behind your phone screens make you feel good about yourselves? I think we all agree she should not have got the dog but calling her an idiot is achieving nothing.