To want to re home our 10 month old puppy...

[intheloudhouse]

We got a cockapoo last summer. He's a nice natured dog and house trained quite easily but he just causes me so much stress.

I have a very active 4 year old and I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with HG so most days moving from the sofa is an effort at the moment.

He chews all DS's toys, all of my underwear to shreds (he gets it out of the washing basket) he terrorises the cat, (we have to now feed the cat on the kitchen table as he eats her food) goes into the bins and rips everything up that's in then, he annoys DS and steals food from his plate, he constantly jumps up on the back of the sofa to look out of the window and bark.. when DP is away I can't even go and stay with my parents for support as he hassles their elderly dog.. and quite simply I honestly don't have the energy or headspace to be able to give him the love and attention he needs at the moment with me being so unwell and then obviously I'll have a baby too in 5 months.

DP will not have any of it that I want to rehome him. He says he would rather get rid of me first. But it's me that's left with him while he goes out to work or for meals or days out with his friends on a weekend!

I just don't know what to do.

Message from MNHQ - please do read all the OP's posts before commenting as there is more to this thread than initially appears and the OP is in need of support. Thank you.

@Countrygirl2021

Gosh I'm sorry but I dislike people like you. Why didn't you train it? Why had you not thought about how much walking and stimulating it would require. How did you not know that 10 months is when they become disobedient due to adolescence?

Feeling a bit sick in pregnancy is not a reason to not be walking and training your dog. I hope you bring the kids up better than the dog.

Please do re-home it to someone who will bring him up properly.

I think you maybe need to read the whole thread @Countrygirl2021. Updates have happened and they change everything.

@intheloudhouse

Thank you all for your replies. Yes it's also me with the thread about contemplating abortion - it's still booked for this Wednesday and I still have no idea what to do.

I think if I was well enough to focus my time and energy on the dog - or simply be able to handle any stress - it would be different.
DP goes to the office during the week for the sake of it half the time, he can work from home but chooses not to. And he travels half the length of the country to play "professional paintball" on a weekend.

It's all such a mess. We got the dog late September so we'd had him yes 4/5 months when I fell pregnant.

I hold my hands up and say I've made a big mistake in getting him - if I could turn back the clock there are many things I wouldn't have done and getting the puppy is one of them. I thought with DS starting school I would have plenty of time for him but the pregnancy and HG has just thrown in a huge curveball.

DP isn't willing to help but he isn't supporting me with the pregnancy or HG, or helping with the dog. He hates me really, he says as much. Wishes we ended a long time ago, should never have agreed to have another baby. Our wedding being cancelled was a blessing.

Do I end the pregnancy, the relationship and leave him with the dog? And try to rebuild my life with probably a lot of counselling?

Or do I stay in this situation and hope in time things will improve.

Your dog needs rehoming. It's fine, you've realised, someone who has more time and energy would love to have him.

Your boyfriend is being an absolute dick. What does he add to your life? If you can't think of anything positive, I'd consider getting rid of him at the same time as you find a new home for the dog.

Counselling as you rebuild your life sounds like a very good idea, whether you keep the man or not. And from what you've said in this post, I'd lean very much towards not keeping him.

Oh gosh op, really I can't see how sticking this out and hoping any of your situation will improve.

Please get out, you deserve to live better than this. Just leave, can you go to your parents or other family?

Do I end the pregnancy, the relationship and leave him with the dog? And try to rebuild my life with probably a lot of counselling?

Yes to everything except leaving the dog with him. Return him to the breeder - most responsible breeders will take an animal back they have bred. If not, take him to a good charity to be rehomed. A young dog will not have difficulty finding a good home.

DP isn't willing to help but he isn't supporting me with the pregnancy or HG, or helping with the dog. He hates me really, he says as much. Wishes we ended a long time ago, should never have agreed to have another baby. Our wedding being cancelled was a blessing.

@intheloudhouse You can't be reliant on him. Read that again. He doesn't want to be with you. He's not going to be any help with anything, because he doesn't care.

Let's face it, he's probably only refusing to rehome the dog to make your life more miserable.

What options do you have right now? Because if you sleepwalk through this bit again, you're going to have a 4/5 year old, a new baby and a crazy dog, and you're going to be entirely reliant on someone who wishes you weren't there.

Do you have any family or friends that you could go to in the short term? Do you have parents that you can talk to, who might help? Have you talked to the council?

I can't say what to do re your pregnancy. None of us can but I can say that your partner is abusive and you need to get yourself, your child and unborn baby out of there. I would also be arranging for the dog to be rehomed as part of that process.

Do you have anywhere you can go where you can have support, parents? And then you can make your decision re the baby.

I've read your other thread op, re the severe sickness. You have a husband problem. He is not a dh. He does not support you when you need it and your last post about what he has said is beyond awful. Whether you have this baby or not, you need to leave him. He will never have your back. Find a new home for your puppy, somewhere that can give it the time and training it needs, and then need to get your ducks in a row and leave.
Good luck op. I was originally annoyed by you wanting to rehome your puppy, but there is more to this than another lockdown puppy problem.

I think ending a 20 week pregnancy would be very difficult for you and it's a very tough decision to have to make and he is a fucking shit.
The relationship is over and you know that.
Have you family who will support you?

@LemonPeonies

You need to train it properly and tbh you should have considered this before you got the dog.

Yep. Surely you considered this stuff before getting it? You say that you wanted the dog - this is what happens when you get a dog.

YANBU to want to rehome the poor thing and give him a life in a loving home, one the actually wants a dog

YABU to get it in the first place then not bother to train him, leading to a miserable life for all.

I dont know what you were expecting when you wanted a dog? They are hard work to start with and need training and attention.

Poor thing, another lockdown dog that will probably have a short and miserable life

Get rid of the DH, who sounds like a wanker. If you decide to keep the dog, get a dog walker / dog trainer.

The dog is bored walk him for an hour twice a day and you’ll see an improvement.

You need to train it properly and tbh you should have considered this before you got the dog.
Yep. Surely you considered this stuff before getting it? You say that you wanted the dog - this is what happens when you get a dog.

I think these kind of comments are very unnecessary. It’s happened, OP is probably fully aware it’s been a mistake and now is trying to find the best resolution. She did not foresee having a horrific illness.

Wow OP you are having a really rough time. I'm sorry

I’m so sorry OP for your situation. You sound like you want what is best for your dog but don’t have support around you. I don’t have any advise really other than to say that I have a puppy and a supportive family but my goodness me it’s hard work trying to balance everything so don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t take some of these comments too much to heart.

Please re-home the dog, you need to give him and yourself the best possible future. Please ignore harsh judgemental posters, as it is obvious you are struggling at many levels

Things won't improve by themselves OP, you need to make them.
Cut this man off, he doesn't care about you. Don't tie yourself to him and waste your life.
He can sort the dog out if he wants it.
professional paintball? Fuck me

Well have you trained him! If not what did you expect? A perfect dog that requires no effort?

You are not waking him long enough and you need to play and train with him.

You have a lot on your plate OP and need to make some tough decisions. It is very much to your credit that you recognise this.

You are right. You need to rehome the dog, sack off your partner and rebuild your life. I will not say anything about your pregnancy as only you can decide what to do.

Courage OP and best foot forward towards a better new life. Our time on planet earth is too short and precious to waste in awful circumstances that won’t improve.

I agree with the others @intheloudhouse its a husband who is the problem.

Regarding the dog. If he was better behaved would you want to keep him? Could you afford a dog walker or like a previous poster mentioned doggy daycare?

I don't think given the circumstances you ABU to want to rehome the pup. Will the breeder take him back? They should.

Sorry but this makes me so annoyed. People buy Cockerpoos because they look cute. They don't realise you have two very intelligent/ high energy (cocker) breeds mixed together. They need lots of canine enrichment as well as physical exercise. You need to pay for some training and help. You wanted to dog, so you need to do something about it. Seems like Noether of you have the best interests of that dog at heart. I am not normally critical and try to see things from other points of view but there isn't one here. What is going to happen when the baby comes and you have been up all night and the dog needs walking?

He says he would rather get rid of me first.

He said this to his pregnant ill wife? Nice Is he doing to train the dog then so you don't have to feel like you want to rehomw it?

I adopted a six month old spaniel a few years ago who ripped up everything in sight. A combination of training and him calming down as he got older means he is the loveliest dog now. Dogs are hard work, you have to put the hours in but it’s worth it in the end!

he travels half the length of the country to play "professional paintball" on a weekend
You would not be unreasonable to LTB for this alone.

DP isn't willing to help but he isn't supporting me with the pregnancy or HG, or helping with the dog. He hates me really, he says as much. Wishes we ended a long time ago, should never have agreed to have another baby. Our wedding being cancelled was a blessing
You leave him with the dog and keep the baby. No brainer.

@Nammamua

You have a lot on your plate OP and need to make some tough decisions. It is very much to your credit that you recognise this.

You are right. You need to rehome the dog, sack off your partner and rebuild your life. I will not say anything about your pregnancy as only you can decide what to do.

Courage OP and best foot forward towards a better new life. Our time on planet earth is too short and precious to waste in awful circumstances that won’t improve.

Great post wishing you well OP