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Original poster

To want to re home our 10 month old puppy...

457 replies

intheloudhouse · 10/05/2021 10:15

We got a cockapoo last summer. He's a nice natured dog and house trained quite easily but he just causes me so much stress.

I have a very active 4 year old and I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with HG so most days moving from the sofa is an effort at the moment.

He chews all DS's toys, all of my underwear to shreds (he gets it out of the washing basket) he terrorises the cat, (we have to now feed the cat on the kitchen table as he eats her food) goes into the bins and rips everything up that's in then, he annoys DS and steals food from his plate, he constantly jumps up on the back of the sofa to look out of the window and bark.. when DP is away I can't even go and stay with my parents for support as he hassles their elderly dog.. and quite simply I honestly don't have the energy or headspace to be able to give him the love and attention he needs at the moment with me being so unwell and then obviously I'll have a baby too in 5 months.

DP will not have any of it that I want to rehome him. He says he would rather get rid of me first. But it's me that's left with him while he goes out to work or for meals or days out with his friends on a weekend!

I just don't know what to do.

Message from MNHQ - please do read all the OP's posts before commenting as there is more to this thread than initially appears and the OP is in need of support. Thank you.

OP posts:
Bluedeblue · 10/05/2021 11:36

I'm a Home dog boarder and I do day care as well. I have several dogs on my books that are just like yours. Purchased in lock down, with the owner not realising how hard puppies can be - no blame here. Anyway, they mostly place their dogs with me a couple of times a week. The dogs get a long walk and then (and here's the good bit) they play together all day. By the time they go home, they are so shattered they just sleep. It's been a life line for my customers. I charge £17 for the whole day. I'd see if you have someone like me locally - I'd be surprised if you don't. I have 5 with me today, and they are currently rolling around the floor in pure play fighting bliss!

I also agree with PP wo suggested placing things out of reach. My bin is elevated to prevent bin raiders, for eg.

CanofCant · 10/05/2021 11:36

"Do I end the pregnancy, the relationship and leave him with the dog? And try to rebuild my life with probably a lot of counselling?"

Yes.

Foobydoo · 10/05/2021 11:37

Our dog is 10 months and certainly tries our patience. As others have said he definitely sounds bored.
Ours is a lab x collie so quite high energy. I am disabled so cannot walk him and husband works 6am to 6pm.
I find ignoring bad behaviour where possible and praising good is best, sometimes the more I tell him the worst he gets. He loves to follow me around so I let him help and praise him when possible. I also have a treat purse and give him treats whenever he lies down quietly.
It is very hard on the training front with classes not running in many areas. DH wants to do agility with him but we can't even get on the waiting list for obedience which we would need to do first. I have done a few online courses but they are not the same and one to one lessons are very expensive.
We tried daycare but that was over stimulating for him.
What has helped for us is a dog walker, she is a godsend and the pack walks are really helping with his socialisation. Long lasting natural chews e.g cows ears, pizzles, beef tendon keep him quiet for a good hour. Time out, if he gets too much I pop him in his crate for an hour to calm down. Brain training is good to tire them too.

Countrygirl2021 · 10/05/2021 11:37

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CanofCant · 10/05/2021 11:38

'Feeling a bit sick', wind your neck in.

LuvMyBubbles · 10/05/2021 11:38

Don't worry that you have to regime him. Better to do it now before next baby comes along.
Ignore the mean people in here.
He will get a new home that's right for him.

Original poster
intheloudhouse · 10/05/2021 11:39

@TooMuchPaper

Your partner is abusive. End the relationship if you can. Are you financially secure? Or do you depend on him for money?
I'm reliant on him. I lost my part time job due to COVID x
OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 10/05/2021 11:39

He’s a puppy. He is a puppy now at the most demanding age, when lots of dogs get dumped in rescue.
He sounds extremely bored. Dogs this age need a lot of play time, they need to meet up with other dogs and have play time and run around. Bored dogs are destructive as they are trying to find fun things to do. You need to think long term as how will you cope when you have a new baby ? You are likely to find him even more annoying then, and he will get even less attention.
I think he needs a home that can look after him properly.

MyCatIsADentist · 10/05/2021 11:39

What a mess OP - I really feel for you.

Leave your husband and let him keep the dog. He sounds absolutely foul, and your life is simply going to be better without him. Whether or not you decide to continue with your pregnancy, you will have a fresh start away from that bastard.

That is, of course, assuming you think he will actually look after the dog properly. If you can’t trust him to do that you should rehome the dog and then leave your husband.

Outbutnotoutout · 10/05/2021 11:39

Personally I would end the pregnancy, rehome the dog, leave your husband and start a new life with someone who loves and respects you

LuvMyBubbles · 10/05/2021 11:39

If your HD won't rehome him then he does everything for the dog. End of.

charliebrown59 · 10/05/2021 11:40

Puppies are a pain with chewing - it does settle, but having a young dog and kids, a baby and a dp that can't or won't do much is bloody hard - my dog's breeder specifically mentioned not having a toddler and a puppy concurrently.

People make mistakes - frankly I'd grill anyone wanting a puppy with a kid under 5 on how they were going to be able to fit in the training and chaos.

Rehome him @intheloudhouse a toilet trained cute young dog will get a new family.

bunglebee · 10/05/2021 11:40

What did you think having a puppy was going to be like? What commitment did you make to training and stimulating it when you got it? Why did you get pregnant when you knew, I'm sure, from your extensive research, that having a dog is like having another baby in terms of intensity and effort and you needed to make a long term commitment to it?

The dog is a member of your family. You should step up to meet its needs, or pay someone else to, before you dump a young and badly trained dog in a rescue.

MyCatIsADentist · 10/05/2021 11:40

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Horehound · 10/05/2021 11:40

I think you need to get out if the relationship personally.
Why are you actually together? Convenience? Don't want to face the reality?

You sound like you're coping better with the pregnancy and it was a wanted baby so I think you are really going to struggle if you abort, especially at 18 weeks, is it?
I feel for you, you need support

Onceuponatime1818 · 10/05/2021 11:40

I think it’s in all your best interest for the pup to be rehomed. Please find the pup a fab home with lots of walks and knowledgable owner.

PhillipPhillop · 10/05/2021 11:41

Oh dear op you know it will never improve. He's told you what he thinks of you. If this was me I would go ahead with the termination and leave the twat. He can have the dog as that is what he says he prefers. Not fair on the dog I know but he might come to his senses and rehome him anyway. Don't waste any more time on this waste of space.

Hoppinggreen · 10/05/2021 11:41

@Countrygirl2021

Gosh I'm sorry but I dislike people like you. Why didn't you train it? Why had you not thought about how much walking and stimulating it would require. How did you not know that 10 months is when they become disobedient due to adolescence?

Feeling a bit sick in pregnancy is not a reason to not be walking and training your dog. I hope you bring the kids up better than the dog.

Please do re-home it to someone who will bring him up properly.

Please read OPs updates Yes getting the dog was a mistake, she’s made a few as we all have, but she’s in an awful relationship and doesn’t deserve this level of nastiness. The dog isn’t the issue, her abusive arsehole of a boyfriend is
Rupertbeartrousers · 10/05/2021 11:41

@AFS1

If DP wants to keep him, he needs to step up and take control of training and entertaining the dog, who sounds very bored. Otherwise the fairest thing to the dog is to hand him to someone who has the time to dedicate to him.
This
LuvMyBubbles · 10/05/2021 11:42

Sorry I missed some of your posts.
Yes end the pregnancy or the very least end the relationship.
Rehome the dog
Start again on your own, you can do it

Kpo58 · 10/05/2021 11:42

I think that you need to arrange doggy daycare ASAP and decide after 2 weeks what you want to do if nothing have improved.

Doggy daycare will keep your dog mentally stimulated and then should be calmer and tired when it comes home which should stop the problems caused by boredom.

3asAbird · 10/05/2021 11:42

@intheloudhouse

Thank you all for your replies. Yes it's also me with the thread about contemplating abortion - it's still booked for this Wednesday and I still have no idea what to do.

I think if I was well enough to focus my time and energy on the dog - or simply be able to handle any stress - it would be different.
DP goes to the office during the week for the sake of it half the time, he can work from home but chooses not to. And he travels half the length of the country to play "professional paintball" on a weekend.

It's all such a mess. We got the dog late September so we'd had him yes 4/5 months when I fell pregnant.

I hold my hands up and say I've made a big mistake in getting him - if I could turn back the clock there are many things I wouldn't have done and getting the puppy is one of them. I thought with DS starting school I would have plenty of time for him but the pregnancy and HG has just thrown in a huge curveball.

DP isn't willing to help but he isn't supporting me with the pregnancy or HG, or helping with the dog. He hates me really, he says as much. Wishes we ended a long time ago, should never have agreed to have another baby. Our wedding being cancelled was a blessing.

Do I end the pregnancy, the relationship and leave him with the dog? And try to rebuild my life with probably a lot of counselling?

Or do I stay in this situation and hope in time things will improve.

You poor thing. I don't know what to do about pregnancy only you can make that decision. Cam you speak to gp or midwife you sound very depressed and like you can't see wood for trees.

Do you have any family or freinds nearby to support.

I would rehome the dog
Seek advice on separation
Maybe a break and counselling he may change or maybe you part as sounds like you miserable together and hes no use with dog or child' you currently have.

This websites might help at 20 weeks you need to make a decision soon.

www.bpas.org/

Shmithecat2 · 10/05/2021 11:42

@intheloudhouse

Thank you all for your replies. Yes it's also me with the thread about contemplating abortion - it's still booked for this Wednesday and I still have no idea what to do.

I think if I was well enough to focus my time and energy on the dog - or simply be able to handle any stress - it would be different.
DP goes to the office during the week for the sake of it half the time, he can work from home but chooses not to. And he travels half the length of the country to play "professional paintball" on a weekend.

It's all such a mess. We got the dog late September so we'd had him yes 4/5 months when I fell pregnant.

I hold my hands up and say I've made a big mistake in getting him - if I could turn back the clock there are many things I wouldn't have done and getting the puppy is one of them. I thought with DS starting school I would have plenty of time for him but the pregnancy and HG has just thrown in a huge curveball.

DP isn't willing to help but he isn't supporting me with the pregnancy or HG, or helping with the dog. He hates me really, he says as much. Wishes we ended a long time ago, should never have agreed to have another baby. Our wedding being cancelled was a blessing.

Do I end the pregnancy, the relationship and leave him with the dog? And try to rebuild my life with probably a lot of counselling?

Or do I stay in this situation and hope in time things will improve.

Please don't leave him with the dog! Ask the breeder if they would take the dog back, or talk to a proper rescue about getting help rehoming it. Then, you leave your 'd'p. He's abusive. As for a termination, would you continue with the pregnancy if it weren't for the HG? Why are you still with this abusive arsehole?
Rupertbeartrousers · 10/05/2021 11:43

But reading your updates it sounds like this isn’t the only area where your DP is the problem.

harknesswitch · 10/05/2021 11:43

Give the dog your dh underwear and shoes to play with if he starts to get bored.

In all honestly, cockapoo's need exercise and mental stimulation. They will chew and become destructive when they don't get this. Your dog is also only 10 months Oodle and still a puppy, so will chew everything in site and be a bundle of energy.

Whilst you're pg your dh should pay for a Walker, someone to come and walk the dog each day and spend an hour interacting with it, also a dog sitter so you can go and visit your family. this will lesson the issues.