To want to re home our 10 month old puppy...

[intheloudhouse]

We got a cockapoo last summer. He's a nice natured dog and house trained quite easily but he just causes me so much stress.

I have a very active 4 year old and I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with HG so most days moving from the sofa is an effort at the moment.

He chews all DS's toys, all of my underwear to shreds (he gets it out of the washing basket) he terrorises the cat, (we have to now feed the cat on the kitchen table as he eats her food) goes into the bins and rips everything up that's in then, he annoys DS and steals food from his plate, he constantly jumps up on the back of the sofa to look out of the window and bark.. when DP is away I can't even go and stay with my parents for support as he hassles their elderly dog.. and quite simply I honestly don't have the energy or headspace to be able to give him the love and attention he needs at the moment with me being so unwell and then obviously I'll have a baby too in 5 months.

DP will not have any of it that I want to rehome him. He says he would rather get rid of me first. But it's me that's left with him while he goes out to work or for meals or days out with his friends on a weekend!

I just don't know what to do.

Message from MNHQ - please do read all the OP's posts before commenting as there is more to this thread than initially appears and the OP is in need of support. Thank you.

Op..

If you haven't experienced hg then you can't comprehend what it feels like.. have you seen gp about it.

I do think rehone.. deal with his tantrum.

You need to slim back everything to minimal.

Give yourselves time to think.

Sorry I didn’t read your update, I hope you are ok.

So you bought an ‘until’ puppy... I keep the cute puppy
Until it chews my possessions
Until it demands my attention
Until I’m tired and he/ she needs exercise and stimulation
Until I make life choices without considering what will happen to puppy.

Please rehome ASAP and don’t buy another one, I’m sure the rescue centres are completely unfamiliar with this scenario......

Male dogs need consistency and firm training, tell DH he has to pay a trainer.

your Dad sounds lovely.

can you & your child move in with your dad. Leave the dog & the 'd'H behind. Then you can spend the rest of your pregnancy lying on your dads sofa with his support, and rebuild from there when you are ready.

@intheloudhouse

Thanks everyone. Yes I'm currently 19+2 so by Wednesday when the abortion is booked for I will be 19+4.. I already have a bump, can feel her move etc. I feel in between a rock and a hard place. My mum has drank a lot since my sister died. I think I've seen her drunk as often as I have sober since it happened last May. She has got issues that are unresolved so she's emotionally unavailable for me really. I think she saw the baby as something positive after Dsis passed away and now she feels like I'm going to rip it away from her. I'm currently waiting to speak to a perinatal mental health nurse. DP came to visit me in hospital when I was in for 4 days last week and I thought "maybe he does care" until on the way home after I was discharged he told me what a ball ache it was to visit me to his working day and he hope no one ends up in hospital long term. Mum didn't even text me to ask how I was. Dad is my rock and has said he'll support me either way and if I have to come live with them with 2 kids he'll help me all he can (he says the dog is not coming though as I say, they have an elderly dog and it's not fair on him, or them) He says we'll talk tonight after I've seen this mental health nurse to make a decision - but he thinks ethically I have left it too late to abort, really. I think if it wasn't for the HG I would be able to think a bit clearer. I feel like I've lost who I used to be and lost my independence. I used to be always busy, loved my little tearoom job and would be the type who loved being out. Now I'm too anxious to leave the house and my day involves sitting on the sofa, crying, trying to force down some crackers and sleep if I'm lucky. I just feel like such a failure. I never imagined at 32 my life would be such a mess.

Op at 32 you are young.. Your dad sounds a treasure and way out. I assume he has a new partner. Your mum's sounds very troubles so I wouldn't take her feelings into consideration. Maybe worth seeking legal advice on house as if you moved out I think he be forced to put it on the market. I would rehome the dog and then leave as I worry about his reaction when he realises dog is gone but not fair to leave the dog with him. As a single parent you will be entitled to benefits and extra support.

Op i just wanted to give you a hand hold xxx

What a horrible situation you’re in op, hand hold from me

From what you have written about your Dad I would move out and tell your STBXH to sort the dog out!

Start the divorce rolling too.

Just wanted to say I feel for you OP, you've got an awful lot on your plate. I think I would take your dad up on his offer. There's no future with DP, he sounds awful and has made his feelings abundantly clear. Don't worry about being a burden to your dad, he would much rather you were happy and had the chance to get back on your feet, than stuck in an unhappy relationship.
Dog - speak to some local charities about them taking him for fostering or adoption - you need to find a better home for him for both your sakes, ASAP.
Pregnancy - I haven't read your other thread so don't know details, but just keep talking to the GP, midwives, mental health nurses - whoever is available - to help you make your decision.
Big hugs, you'll get through this and come out stronger.

You sound like you're craving love and affection, is that why you wanted a dog? I think you should take up the offer of rehoming it from a pp.

Don't terminate the baby, it's quite late on and you are very fragile. Your marriage is not working for you, you may find leaving your husband will improve your life immeasurably if you have other support.

Good luck.

They calm down at about 2 or 3. Mine was hard work, up in the night, chews everything etc. I became a lone parent, have ongoing health problems and work so my situation changed drastically but I never once considered removing her despite the work being equal to having a new baby/toddler. They are family members and it would be cruel to just get rid of them. You're all the dog has ever known. Yes it is hard work. Very. My life would have been much easier without my dog but she also brings a lot to us and as I said when I committed to her it was for life. I understand in some cases it is not possible and they need rehoming but when it is due a new baby or temporary illness it is worth hanging on even if need dog walker etc.they really do get easier and are a joy for the kids to grow up with.

You poor thing
You have it all on your plate at the moment. No wonder you're feeling completely overwhelmed.

If DP won’t step up in the situation and take charge of training and exercising the pup, then he will have to be rehomed, for everyone’s sakes, and not least the poor dog. There are two very good spaniel-centric charities with lovely families carefully home-checked and queuing up to rehome - Spaniel Assist, & Spaniel Aid. You can contact either through their respective websites and/or Facebook pages.

Your relationship/pregnancy/future, I am not qualified to advise you, and I think you're addressing that. I’m just so sorry you are in this position.
32 is very young, and there will be a much brighter future waiting for you, whatever you decide to do.

OP here is the advice.

ditch the partner, and thus with him the dog. Not your problem (i am a dog person but sorry)!

go stay with your dad, get the house sold, cut financial ties with him. Yes he will be part of your life, but keep the baby.

i would not abort after 12 weeks unless it was medical reasons

Train your dog !
Or rehome it immediately and never ever get another one !

@Baileysforchristmas

There’s so many dogs waiting to be rehomed, it’s so so sad, they are living creatures who really pine when their family give them up. You are their pack, family, it’s so traumatic for them. Please think before you get a dog, it is for life not for a few months. No one thinks about the poor dog in all this, I bet you paid nearly a £1000 for him as well 😢 They’re not fashion items.

£2,500-£3,000 for a cockapoo at the moment.

They haven't been £1000 for a few years (unless a second cross- ie cockapoo and poodle or cockapoo and spaniel) and shot up in lockdown. It was about £1200-£1400 pre lockdown.

The one we rehomed had cost about £2,500 I believe.

DP will not have any of it that I want to rehome him. He says he would rather get rid of me first. But it's me that's left with him while he goes out to work or for meals or days out with his friends on a weekend!

If he wasn't abuseive I would say "OK, fair enough. If you're serious then I'm off and you have the dog. Because this isn't working and you aren't helping."

Abusive or not, your husband can't keep the dog if he wont do any of the work. Rehoming the dog sounds best for all of you, especially the dog. Failing that, leave your husband with the dog so he either looks after it or rehomes.

And most importantly - stop trying to replace the love that your partner isn't giving you by bringing any more needy and dependent beings - children and animals - into your lives. All they do is make it harder for you to leave your partner. That is why he let you have the dog, and why he wont let you get rid of it though he does nothing for it, because it keeps you tied to him. The children may be a done deal but you can rehome the dog, ask your Dad to take care of you while you get rid of your partner, and find someone who cares about you.

I could have written this OP.
We re-homes our dog for similar reasons.
He had great training as a puppy but after birth I didn’t have time to take him anymore, tried to keep up with it at home but it plunged.

He got jealous and bored when our baby arrived, I had a c section and recovery was very sore, so I was too frightened to leave him in the room with dd as he would get too play-rough and nip so he spent a few hours a day being abandoned to another room or outside.
Eventually we knew it’s was time to give him to a home who had more time for him. He’s a lovely dog, still is and is much better behaved now.

We did however re-home him to my DP’s dad who has 2 other Chi’s and he’s retired so he gets walked often, gets undivided attention. We go and see them regularly too. But he definitely is better off now than he was with us.

I can tell you how awful we felt, there was tears and it took a long time to come to the final decision. And i can hold my hands up and say it’s completely our fault, he didn’t do anything wrong he just went from having all of our attention to probably less than half of it the poor mite.

You need to do what’s best for your family and for the pooch!

Sorry by leaving him in the room with DD I was there too but because I was so sore for weeks on end I knew I wouldn’t be able to get up or move quick enough if he got too excited around me and DD. I’d never leave a dog with a child in a room regardless.

I have a cockapoo, they are very clever dogs and need both physical and mental stimulation. It sounds like your puppy is lacking in both. Find yourself a good puppy class (I think they’re starting to open back up now- depends where you are) and get some training help. If you can’t/won’t invest in training the dog then rehoming whilst young is the kindest thing. Mine is 5 now abs an absolute dream of a dog but I invested hours upon hours of training.

Yep anyone for leave the dog with your partner, move in with your dad with your child and continue with pregnancy - good luck x

Animal rescues certainly aren't full around here - never seen them so empty!

A handful of very difficult to rehome dogs that need only adult no other pets and experiences of the breed owners.

I think, given your very sad circumstances, asking a charity to foster the dog might be an idea? But it depends on your DH. He can't have it both ways, he looks after the dog or rehomes it.

But your problem is really lack of support in what are very difficult circumstances.

OP. Get a solicitor now. Stay put in your house and tell arsehole he can either buy you out or it has to be sold. He'll need to pay you maintenance, you'll get benefit help without him. He doesn't need to have a hold over you

I never post on threads like this but my heart breaks for you OP.

your Dad sounds lovely. can you & your child move in with your dad. Leave the dog & the 'd'H behind. Then you can spend the rest of your pregnancy lying on your dads sofa with his support, and rebuild from there when you are ready

I agree with this poster, except I’d rehome your puppy. I think he’d actually have a much, much much happier life with responsible, loving owners than with your tw!t of a DP. How can he leave you - and your dog, knowing how ill you are - and just go off for a weekend jaunt? I’m appalled at his selfishness. Your dog will not have a happy, fulfilled life with him as an owner I can assure.

I never thought I’d say this but the dog is not your priority here - you are. Best wishes