To want to re home our 10 month old puppy...

[intheloudhouse]

We got a cockapoo last summer. He's a nice natured dog and house trained quite easily but he just causes me so much stress.

I have a very active 4 year old and I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with HG so most days moving from the sofa is an effort at the moment.

He chews all DS's toys, all of my underwear to shreds (he gets it out of the washing basket) he terrorises the cat, (we have to now feed the cat on the kitchen table as he eats her food) goes into the bins and rips everything up that's in then, he annoys DS and steals food from his plate, he constantly jumps up on the back of the sofa to look out of the window and bark.. when DP is away I can't even go and stay with my parents for support as he hassles their elderly dog.. and quite simply I honestly don't have the energy or headspace to be able to give him the love and attention he needs at the moment with me being so unwell and then obviously I'll have a baby too in 5 months.

DP will not have any of it that I want to rehome him. He says he would rather get rid of me first. But it's me that's left with him while he goes out to work or for meals or days out with his friends on a weekend!

I just don't know what to do.

Message from MNHQ - please do read all the OP's posts before commenting as there is more to this thread than initially appears and the OP is in need of support. Thank you.

What did you expect with a cockapoo puppy!

Meh - lots about your feelings but not much about how the poor dog must be feeling.

Your partner's obviously a dickhead. But you're not so great yourself.

Obviously the poor dog needs be rehomed because you will not look after him properly. But PLEASE rehome him via a proper rescue. Do NOT sell him on the internet.

(I would be very happy to be corrected - but I very much suspect you are exactly the type of person who will sell him on pets4home for £2k to anyone really).

To previous unsympathetic posters - the lady KNOWS she made mistakes. You may have missed she has felt suicidal. Criticism is not required in this case.

FFS

what is wrong with the posters who cannot see the full picture here?

Read all of OP’s updates.
Read her other thread.

BACK OFF.
How can you be so sympathetic to a puppy (who will likely be happily rehomed) and lack the ability to see that OP is extremely vulnerable and deserves your sympathy: she has been recently bereaved, is pregnant, ill, exhausted, and neglected by her partner. She cries all the time.

Fucking heartless to jump on here and rant about the decision to get a dog.

@Eaststreet

I can’t understand the people on here sympathising with you. Did you seriously not consider all these things before you got a dog? Or did you jump on the lockdown puppy bandwagon without a second thought for the poor thing? The dog sounds bored and poorly trained.

You've read the full thread, all of OP's replies and still cannot understand why people are sympathising?

Look in to some brain games (there's a canine enrichment page on facebook that has lots of ideas). Your dog is bored.

Also crate training when not abused is an amazing tool, it allows you to contain the dog when you can't be there to stop the bad behaviour.

The more bad behaviour he is able to get away with the worse it will become. A few hard months of consistent training should see you right.

Some things you are being unreasonable about... likely because you are stressed but stealing the cats food.... perfectly normal. Annoying the other dog... also perfectly normal if they don't see each other often, let the other dog put your pup in it's place if it will and again... a crate so you can seperate as needed.

Sorry OP, while I was typing very slowly there were quite a few updates from you about your family. I am very sorry about your sister, it’s incredibly tough to lose someone and the last year has made losses like your family has had much tougher. Is it worth contacting the Pregnancy Crisis Centre scarborough.mumbler.co.uk/scarborough-pregnancy-crisis-centre/ because they may at least be able to signpost you to other services that could support you or give you somewhere to discuss what to do.

Please rehome your dog through a reputable rehome charity who can advise and make sure your dog’s chip and vet records are in your name.

Meh - lots about your feelings but not much about how the poor dog must be feeling.

Not sure she has any headspace for that right now.

@Greenmarmalade we can empathise with the P being a twat. But wanting to get a dog and then not bothering with it for the 4/5 months before OP became pregnant....not so much. I have a Cavapoo and he is very high energy and a lot of work. We knew this prior to getting him and DH is at home all day to keep him occupied.

He still chews, as that just seems to be his ‘thing’ but we have bought him many, many appropriate toys for him so that he doesn’t chew our stuff. Yes, he runs away with socks/towels occasionally but knows not to destroy them. He still has his moments of being hyper and daft and needs to be handled firmly on occasion.

The poor dog had no choice in this, so I’ll reserve empathy for him.

Puppies are hard work and you have to put in a lot of time and effort to train. Cockapoos are the combination of two smart breeds (poodles and spaniels) and will be destructive if bored, because they don’t have enough mental or physical stimulation. If you can afford a dog walker I would get one, a few hours out with other puppies his age will be great entertainment and tire him out. Also google “kongs” and other challenging treat toys like that, always have a few kongs sorted in the freezer ready to go so that he has something to chew that he’s allowed to. He sounds like a very normal puppy that is bored, rather than a massive problem - so if you wanted a dog in the first place then I would be training it and giving it what it needs. If you’re not willing to do this then give to a rescue ASAP please so his bad behaviour from boredom doesn’t have time to become a habit. Dogs are really tough but by 10 months good training should start to have an impact and they should be becoming easier to deal with.

I get the wanting a dog thing, I really do. I lost my nearly 15 year old Lab and a year later I was still heartbroken so we got another. Our DS was 8 months at the time. My OH works ridiculous shifts all the time so it was me at home with puppy and baby.
Thankfully we’re experienced in Labs and put in ridiculous amounts of work with her to make my life as easy as possible and to make sure she’s well adjusted and happy and not a danger to DS. However it was HARD work and stressful at first but that’s the commitment to them.
Part of the problem is people set puppies up to fail by leaving things they shouldn’t have in their reach. You also only have a small window to train puppies before they get set in their ways, develop their own habits and take a lot of work to correct.

I feel for you with so much going on so please rehome the puppy. They don’t deserve to be left in a home where they aren’t getting their needs met, Poodles and Cockers are so high energy, I don’t know why they’re so fashionable as an easy option 🙈.
You also don’t deserve to feel how your DH treats you. Please look after yourself and your babies, whatever decision is to be made is yours, put your health and happiness first.

All dogs need a walk a day minimum, something with spaniel in it really needs two or a lot of of lead exercise/mind exercise. This is why they are being destructive. One person needs to take control of the training and start with min one hour walk a day and you'll find within a month you'll have a different dog xx

It might be worth asking MNHQ to broaden the thread title @intheloudhouse to encourage people to read the thread not just the title before commenting.

Nobody here can say whether ending a 20 week pregnancy is the right solution. As someone who suffered hideous sickness in pregnancy (not HG) I can understand how awful you'll be feeling and I didn't have full blown HG.
It's exhausting and often people don't get it, as highlighted by people on here writing stupid shit Like 'feeling a bit sick in pregnancy....' it's not a hangover, op can't just have a fry-up and feel better, it's a serious health problem.

I'm not sure what to say to help op, will your professional paintball prick leave you if you rehome the dog? I'd be tempted to just do it and at least that's one less drama.
He sounds like he isn't helping now so it's no loss.
I'd look into getting rid of the dog first thing. I can't tell you what to do about the baby but 20 weeks isn't going to be easy mentally.

Maybe ring women's aid and look into options.
Good luck.

• I have just read updates, as I’m slow at typing. Honestly, the kindest thing is to re-home the dog. Then move out and away from your P. Only you can decide what to do about your pregnancy. Sorry, if my previous post was harsh.

@intheloudhouse

I wasn't pregnant when we got the puppy and I obviously didn't expect to be so unwell with a pregnancy as I didn't have any problems with my first. It's my fault I wanted the dog and DP had the final say and agreed as he paid. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made. DP is doing nothing for him, he will walk him a few times a week but that's it. He's not focusing on training or anything. If I could've looked into the future I would never have got him

Doe your partner get the final say on everything "he pays" for? Because that's not OK when you've got children together, he should be considering hhimself partof a team, with shared resources. But it sounds like there's a lot wrong with this relationship and you need to get some support to set yourself free. And definitely let the dog go x

I just saw your last couple of posts.

OP I think that ending your relationship and leaving him with the dog would certainly be best.

As for your Mum's attitude, she is way off base, making mistakes doesn't mean you should suffer for the rest of your life. Both your hubby and your Mum sound terrible.

God some of these responses you lout ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Hope you're ok OP. Get the dog rehomed; your MH is more important my love.

And don't listen to the wanker dogs loons on here. They're probably the kind who overlook it when their fur baby bites someone and lets it live in acute pain for a year because they think PTS is cruel.

@YouokHun

It might be worth asking MNHQ to broaden the thread title *@intheloudhouse* to encourage people to read the thread not just the title before commenting.

I've just reported the thread and asked for that very same thing, or at least for them to comment and say that people should read ops posts first before saying some really hateful things.

Your dog needs training. I know that’s hard whilst pregnant and not feeling well.
Can you afford a dog Walker a couple of times a week? At least that way he’d be well walked and hopefully not as energetic.
I have 2 high energy beagles and one of them chews toys when he’s bored. I have to make sure the toys he likes to chew aren’t left unattended.
When I was on maternity leave I used a dog Walker to help me out because I struggled with them whilst baby was so small.
Rehoming the dog should really be your last option, dog walkers, doggy daycare and a professional trainer are all options to be explored first.
Your husband also needs to pull his finger out and help train the dog!

OMG your husband sounds horrendous, really feel for you.

PLEASE just re home the puppy, for your own sanity and his welfare. Who the hell does your husband think he is, telling you what you can and can't do. He's an oppressive fucking bully.

I bet he doesn't give a fuck about the dog, probably more concerned that HE paid for it. Do you have separate finances? If so are you able to transfer him the cost of what he paid for the puppy, re home and be done with it?

You sound so intimidated by him but I really think you need to make this decision with your head held high. Whatever you do, please please don't leave him and then leave the dog with him. Because we all know how that will pan out.....

@FFSFFSFFS

Meh - lots about your feelings but not much about how the poor dog must be feeling.

Your partner's obviously a dickhead. But you're not so great yourself.

Obviously the poor dog needs be rehomed because you will not look after him properly. But PLEASE rehome him via a proper rescue. Do NOT sell him on the internet.

(I would be very happy to be corrected - but I very much suspect you are exactly the type of person who will sell him on pets4home for £2k to anyone really).

@FFSFFSFFS OP is clearly 10 times the person you are.

I'm very suspicious of people think all dogs are brilliant and everyone should love dogs even when they're hard to keep, but are spiteful and nasty to humans even when those humans are suffering. I avoid people like this like the plague, they're usually sociopaths.

The puppy needs a home who can give him the time he needs. Plenty of attention and several times a day.

Sorry to hear about your decision with the pregnancy but you have to do what is best for you, no one else gets a say on that decision.

Your dp sounds like a right prick!

Sorry OP didn’t read your updates. Dogs are hard work and it sounds like your situation is not good. I would find an experienced dog owner or rehome him through a rescue - don’t put on pets 4 homes etc as he might just end up on a puppy farm. Once dog gone you will have much more flexibility for next step. Don’t feel ashamed, just do your best by him now and get to new home. Next step if you separate will be complex enough with a 4 year old.