Ex jailed for DV yesterday

[ode2me]

I had a short relationship last year that quickly became very abusive in every way. I had suffered serious child abuse and hadn't yet learnt the warning signs.

The last incident was the worst. Toddler in the next room crying and my head being stomped on repeatedly.

7 months later yesterday he was found guilty of ABH with a weapon and assault by battery.
He was sentenced to 15 months in prison and i was granted a 10 year restraining order.

I just wanted to tell you that there is life after DV. I wish you all the very best.

So sorry @ode2me I had t read the full thread and have asked for my previous post to be removed @mnhq

@BrilliantBetty

I hope he isn't hurt though. I don't wish it on anyone.

May he have it hard in there. He can ROT for what he's done.

He's vermin and for what he did to you, deserves not one once of your sympathy OP. Every minute he spends in there he brought upon himself!! And it's a shame it's not double.

Trust me, from what I’ve heard, abusers of women and children get far from an easy time in jail. Regardless of how the staff treat them.

@ode2me, you can do this.

Even if he’s out now you have the full force of the law behind you. Report everything.

Any breaches and the police will extend his restraining order as necessary.

We all believe in you.

You have been let down, by the court, the justice system, the police. It's disgusting how badly they've let you down.

Do you have many ties to your current area? You shouldn't have to, but I'd consider moving for your own peace of mind. Women's aide could help you and your DD go into a refuge in a different area. I'm so sorry for what you've been put through,

@ode2me

Hi again everyone. Sorry to post so late. My dd woke me up.

How can I go about preventing this happening to someone else? He is seeing an 18 year old girl now. He is 26. 'M 28.

I have such guilt for exposing my daughter to him. He said 'when j am proven innocent I will get her taken off you by social services' and I walk on eggshells now, so afraid.

Thank you all for the women aid advice. Do you know if they offer counselling? I can barely afford food week too week so just can't afford to access any private help.

You can't stop it happening to anyone else . That's their decision.

He'll never get custody - worry not about that . He's a fantasist. Won't happen .

Had a hilarious job today with a bloke also trying to get police to help him access his child despite him being limited
To contact in a centre once a month . Shut that one down quick smart . He's complaining apparently. Told him to crack on .

Can I just say well done op a similar incident happened with my mum when I was 3 and my sister 8 and we where locked in the house and witnessed it all my mum had him put in prison and although me and my sister both remember it we both feel so proud out mum went through the hell of court case to put him in prison and neither me or my sister have ever had any relationships with DV.

Luma -
FYI the police
Have no say on the sentencing for a defendant. Nada .
The courts are solely responsible for sentencing. The work the police undertake just to get a
Job to court is phenomenal so please don't say police let this woman down - they didn't . They got the job to court . The magistrates determine the sentence and probation determine how long gets served .

@ode2me

Hi again everyone. Sorry to post so late. My dd woke me up.

How can I go about preventing this happening to someone else? He is seeing an 18 year old girl now. He is 26. 'M 28.

I have such guilt for exposing my daughter to him. He said 'when j am proven innocent I will get her taken off you by social services' and I walk on eggshells now, so afraid.

Thank you all for the women aid advice. Do you know if they offer counselling? I can barely afford food week too week so just can't afford to access any private help.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to stop it happening to someone else.

I'm a few years out from an abusive relationship and have concerns for his new partner but know that trying to talk to her is useless. Part of the abuse is telling everyone the victim is crazy, in my case he tells people about his schizophrenic ex who turned his child against him and because he seems like a nice guy people believe him.

It seems like your ex has gone for a very young girl who may also be vulnerable in other ways. He will still be treating her well, possibly love bombing her and he will have told her a story about how you are a liar and she will have believed him. Hopefully, the people around her will be able to talk sense into her when he is in prison.

Wishing you the best going forward.

Good morning ladies, thank you again for your replies. Waking up and seeing so much support and advice makes me well up. Thank you all so much.

I am unable to move financially. Sadly. I have absolutely no money for anything at the moment. I've had to borrow money from a friend for Christmas. (Not begging I promise. I wouldn't accept anything in the nicest way.)

He has left me in massive debt.

Does anyone know if my landlord will change the locks at all? From when he tried to kick the door in. Will I have to lay?

@Lougle

Well done for being so brave and taking it to court. I'm sure the restraining order is more comfort than the sentence.

I honestly wouldn't have been able to go to Court without the support of two female police officers who stayed in touch with me via email or phone the entire times. They were fantastic. I wrote good feedback for them. I am so touched by the their support and kindness still.

OP I would honestly recommend talking to your MP about this. It's the kind of thing they should be made aware of.

@HereticFanjo

OP I would honestly recommend talking to your MP about this. It's the kind of thing they should be made aware of.

Thank you for your reply.

How would I go about talking to an MP and a what could I say? I'm dyslexic which doesn't help. What if I provoke him and he comes back? I can't even open my windows because he climbed up them somehow to a first floor flat

Please contact rights of women. They are open today between 2-4pm

I have included a screenshot from their website but if you can't see it, their criminal legal advice line is
020 7251 8887

Were you ever put in touch with your local domestic abuse service? If not may be worth contacting them. My local service offered help with things like door and window locks.

I wasn't put in touch with any domestic violence services
Sadly. Can I still talk to someone now that 18 months have passed?

I don't see why not
You could as a temporary measure use a doorstop, the old fashioned rubber kind. When you're inside, wedge it under your front door
I do this when staying away in hotels

Can you move to a different area I know you don't have money but some councils will help you relocate if your at risk of domestic violence especially if you have children

Well done 👏🏼 he deserves it and more it will follow him forever .... 😀😀

You've probably saved lots of women going through the same

Enjoy Christmas xx

@ode2me

Hi again everyone. Sorry to post so late. My dd woke me up.

How can I go about preventing this happening to someone else? He is seeing an 18 year old girl now. He is 26. 'M 28.

I have such guilt for exposing my daughter to him. He said 'when j am proven innocent I will get her taken off you by social services' and I walk on eggshells now, so afraid.

Thank you all for the women aid advice. Do you know if they offer counselling? I can barely afford food week too week so just can't afford to access any private help.

Awful man

These bast---- tend to go for the younger girls

Just awful

What would make you feel safer?
Can you confide in your landlord ? Does the creep have a way of getting into your house?

And fwiw no way would a court give him custody

They bandy that about to scare
You

Just a total loser it seems !!!!! Xxxxxxxx

Can you find out what support there is locally? It varies from area to area but there will be something out there for you. Our local women's centre offers individual and/or group counselling, and also run the Freedom programme. There is no time limit. Many women experienced abuse years ago and are still trying to process what happened to them.

@EmmalinaC

Can you find out what support there is locally? It varies from area to area but there will be something out there for you. Our local women's centre offers individual and/or group counselling, and also run the Freedom programme. There is no time limit. Many women experienced abuse years ago and are still trying to process what happened to them.

I have heard of the freedom project before and am very very Open do doing it- am I eligible as jr was 18 months ago?

Thank you to everyone again. I feel so much less alone

@ode2me Yes you absolutely can
Do it however long after the event x

I am unable to move financially. Sadly. I have absolutely no money for anything at the moment. I've had to borrow money from a friend for Christmas. (Not begging I promise. I wouldn't accept anything in the nicest way.)

He has left me in massive debt.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice regarding the DV but this bit I know what to do

Contact Christians Against Poverty (CAP) and they will be able to help you with your debts, you don't have to be a Christian and there is no obligation to attend church or anything like that, they just believe that as Christians they should help people in situations like yours. They will be able to help you manage your debts, they can make it so all of your creditors have to talk with them instead of you so it's less stressful for you and can help you budget your money. If you are struggling even with the food bill they can make an offer to your creditors for a lower amount than you're paying currently, they won't leave you without enough to live on and will ensure you have neough to cover your bills including a reasonable amount for groceries.

We are extremely fortunate to be OK financially and donate to CAP every month precisely to help people in situations like yours