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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex jailed for DV yesterday

123 replies

ode2me · 06/05/2021 20:13

I had a short relationship last year that quickly became very abusive in every way. I had suffered serious child abuse and hadn't yet learnt the warning signs.

The last incident was the worst. Toddler in the next room crying and my head being stomped on repeatedly.

7 months later yesterday he was found guilty of ABH with a weapon and assault by battery.
He was sentenced to 15 months in prison and i was granted a 10 year restraining order.

I just wanted to tell you that there is life after DV. I wish you all the very best.

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 07/05/2021 20:52

Amazing work

This thread and your bravery have reaffirmed that I am doing the right thing
At one point I wanted to back out
Was worried about how he would cope with the police in his case

Well done

You can get through it all

The body holds on to trauma in many ways
If you can maybe took for support? Psychotherapy ?

Lots of good wishes to you both xxx

TheWeeDonkey · 07/05/2021 21:18

@ode2me Flowers

Original poster
ode2me · 31/05/2021 12:31

@Queenie6655

Amazing work

This thread and your bravery have reaffirmed that I am doing the right thing
At one point I wanted to back out
Was worried about how he would cope with the police in his case

Well done

You can get through it all

The body holds on to trauma in many ways
If you can maybe took for support? Psychotherapy ?

Lots of good wishes to you both xxx

How are you Queenie?
OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 31/05/2021 12:45

ode2me, your words have sent shivers up my spine and brought tears to my eyes. I wonder what the outcome would have been if your phone hadn't stayed on and provided the evidence. For this one 'man' to have what amounts to a slap on the wrist for what he has done, there are thousands who have got away with it all.

Much respect to you for all you have done and for posting. Thank you Flowers

UseOfWeapons · 31/05/2021 13:24

OP, living IS possible, it takes a while, plenty of kind support, and nurturing yourself. You have been very brave and strong, and my heart goes out to you.
I fled my exH2 and did not take action against him. I was living in his home country, and it was difficult enough getting out and back to the UK.
My reactions and emotions were erratic for a long time, and I had an IDVA who was amazing in the first 2years. I also had various therapies, and did the Freedom Programme. It all helped. I still have issues, but I grit my teeth and carry on. Most of the time, I am content, because I have survived.
You have done everything you can for your little girl, and she will grow into a stronger, happier woman with you as her mother. Please remember to look after yourself, and take the time and help you feel you can cope with. We are all different, and react and readjust in different ways. You will find your way, with your daughter beside you.

Wishing health, happiness and strength, dear OP. 💐💐

Queenie6655 · 29/09/2021 11:02

Checking back in to see how are you?

Having been through your experience I know how hard it can be

We are so very brave in many ways

ChargingBuck · 29/09/2021 14:51

Congratulations on your escape & your fortitude OP.

Please work on feeling awful about your daughter witnessing the violence - only HE is responsible for that.
You, however, have just given your girl an object lesson in how a grown woman protects herself & those around her.
I am sorry she saw what she saw, & sorry for what you endured.
But please congratulate yourself for doing the right thing for you & your little girl xx

Flowers
Original poster
ode2me · 15/12/2021 17:54

I don't know if anyone is still here and completely understand if not.

I posted this in may. The 15 month prison sentence was reduced to 5 months. Nobody told me he was out so was unable to take better precautions. I feel so let down.

OP posts:
bowlingalleyblues · 15/12/2021 18:12

Hello OP. I didn’t read your thread until you updated today. Just wanted to say how disgusted I am at both the original sentence and the reduction. All women and children are being let down by your abuser getting off so lightly.

Hapoydayz · 15/12/2021 18:26

That's terrible. You have been so brave. Can you contact victims support to find out why you weren't informed. Keep strong you have come so far

Funnylittlefloozie · 15/12/2021 18:33

The RO is still in place, though? Please do NOT be afraid to ring the police if he breaches it in any way at all, because he can be sent straight back to jail for breaching.

His probation officer should have notified you through victim liaison when he was released, its very poor that they didn't, especiallyif the sentence had been reduced as well. Is he still on licence?

pantherrose · 15/12/2021 18:38

Couldn’t read and run, OP that is disgraceful, both the decision to release him after just 5 months but also for you not to be told. I would contact the police and Women’s aid to not only register your shock at the decision to release him after such a derisory sentence without warning you in advance that he’s been considered for parole, but also to advise on how they may be able to help you protect yourself if you still feel vulnerable. You and your child’s right to not have to live in fear should be the priority. Please take care, I hope you have some support from family and friends. Flowers

justthecat · 15/12/2021 18:39

Disgusting he’s out so soon 💐

Theunamedcat · 15/12/2021 18:39

Oh shit that's fucking awful what a bunch of incompetents not telling you how did you find out?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2021 18:39

I’m sorry OP that’s awful! Flowers

wishymore · 15/12/2021 18:43

Are you safe? Ring the police if he’s been anywhere near you

mathanxiety · 15/12/2021 18:55

15 months for a heinous assault that was recorded is an insult.

How is it that you were lucky he got jail time?

What does a man have to do to get a just sentence for a crime like this?

Can you contact your MP to complain about this?

mathanxiety · 15/12/2021 19:02

You need to contact women's aid immediately.

Tell them your story. They can help get you get moved away from this monster.

You need to contact your MP and tell him or her what has happened. Ask what he or she I tends to do about this horrific miscarriage of justice.

This is a disgraceful and incomprehensible turn of events.

Original poster
ode2me · 15/12/2021 19:04

Restraining order in place for 10 years.
It prevents him contacting me directly or indirectly and from entering the street I love on.

What worries me is if I saw him in public. There's no order staying stay 100M away for example.

He hacked into my Instagram to change my name to miserybitch though.

I have been very down since he was released. I can't open my windows because he climbed up them to attack me. I've stayed in bed for days. I wish I could move on. I'm pathetic.

Thank you for all of your kind words. They make me teary.

OP posts:
GotToGoBye · 15/12/2021 19:07

I’m sorry you went through such an ordeal. It was his fault. I’m glad he got jail time. There is a record now for anyone who gets involved with him the future.

Clymene · 15/12/2021 19:11

OMG that is horrific. I also think it's worth you contacting womens aid.

Also worth getting in touch with rights of women rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/criminal-law/

They should have let you know he was being released. He is already harassing you. He needs up before back inside.

nahnahna · 15/12/2021 19:43

I would contact the police and tell them he's still harassing you

Lunde · 15/12/2021 20:26

@ode2me

Restraining order in place for 10 years. It prevents him contacting me directly or indirectly and from entering the street I love on.

What worries me is if I saw him in public. There's no order staying stay 100M away for example.

He hacked into my Instagram to change my name to miserybitch though.

I have been very down since he was released. I can't open my windows because he climbed up them to attack me. I've stayed in bed for days. I wish I could move on. I'm pathetic.

Thank you for all of your kind words. They make me teary.

I would report this as a breach of the restraining order/continued harassment
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/12/2021 20:30

He hacked into my Instagram to change my name to miserybitch though

he's breached the restraining order then, advise the police

Original poster
ode2me · 15/12/2021 20:41

Unfortunately the police said that there isn't enough evidence as to breach the order. Disgusting

OP posts:
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