Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex jailed for DV yesterday

123 replies

ode2me · 06/05/2021 20:13

I had a short relationship last year that quickly became very abusive in every way. I had suffered serious child abuse and hadn't yet learnt the warning signs.

The last incident was the worst. Toddler in the next room crying and my head being stomped on repeatedly.

7 months later yesterday he was found guilty of ABH with a weapon and assault by battery.
He was sentenced to 15 months in prison and i was granted a 10 year restraining order.

I just wanted to tell you that there is life after DV. I wish you all the very best.

OP posts:
nahnahna · 15/12/2021 21:11

Wtaf is the point of them ???

Theunamedcat · 15/12/2021 21:43

Do you have cameras? My neighbour has hers in the window

BedSoComfyWhyLeave · 15/12/2021 21:48

@ode2me very sad to read your update.

Is there any chance at all you could move somewhere else? That way you would have peace of mind that you would be extremely unlikely to bump into him at all.

RandomMess · 15/12/2021 22:01

That is so shit Thanks

ElleGettingBetter · 15/12/2021 22:23

You’re not pathetic. I promise, you are not pathetic.

Please speak to Women’s Aid for advice. I just want to give you a hug, you’ve been so brave I’m so sorry you have to deal with his shit again.

13yearslater · 15/12/2021 22:37

Where is your solicitor?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/12/2021 22:45

@ode2me

Unfortunately the police said that there isn't enough evidence as to breach the order. Disgusting
Not enough evidence? Have they even investigated? Checked his IP provider, his phone records and/or laptop?
Sparklfairy · 15/12/2021 22:51

@ode2me

Unfortunately the police said that there isn't enough evidence as to breach the order. Disgusting
If they bothered looking they could find evidence. IP addresses are easy enough to track.

I don't know how it works but can you get the restraining order amended to keep x feet away from you too?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/12/2021 22:52

@ode2me

Unfortunately the police said that there isn't enough evidence as to breach the order. Disgusting
100% escalate this.

Call women's aid and ask them how to lodge a complaint about your request not being taken seriously by whoever dealt with it.

I would also call the Suzy Lamplugh Trust who are second to none when it comes to stalking and harassment, including advisers they can put you in touch with re legal process.

You poor thing. I'm full of rage on your behalf, it's so fucking unfair victims are allowed to be re-victimised over and over and over again.

Fucking hell Thanks

NMC2022 · 15/12/2021 22:53

With your social media download a password manager, I use LastPass and it stores and makes complex passwords so you don't have to remember them but he can't get into anything. Make sure when you change the password to click log out of all devices

DollyDan · 15/12/2021 22:56

You are so very brave and I wish you and your little one the happiest of futures Flowers

Motnight · 15/12/2021 23:00

Op you are brave and a brilliant mum.

I think that you may be suffering from PTSD. Speak to your gp and ask for help.

DismantledKing · 15/12/2021 23:03

@ode2me

I don't know if anyone is still here and completely understand if not.

I posted this in may. The 15 month prison sentence was reduced to 5 months. Nobody told me he was out so was unable to take better precautions. I feel so let down.

You have been let down.
bluejelly · 15/12/2021 23:12

So sorry to hear that sounds incredibly tough. Please do reach out to Women's Aid.

DoctorTwo · 15/12/2021 23:44

OP you've done so well. This excuse for a man has acted like an arse and I wish more could be done to stop people (men) like him acting as they do. After my XW and I split up she started seeing a chap who quickly turned abusive. She had him in court multiple times but he somehow always talked his way out of it. She does have an indefinite nonmol, so that's something. But' like your ex, he's still dangerous. I hope you find peace without this arsehole in your life. Good luck.

thetinsoldier · 15/12/2021 23:57

Well done, op. I hope you're feeling more positive now and have recovered? Well done for taking it to court.

Nanny0gg · 16/12/2021 00:21

@thetinsoldier

Well done, op. I hope you're feeling more positive now and have recovered? Well done for taking it to court.
Read the OP's posts.

He's out Angry

stillvicarinatutu · 16/12/2021 00:33

They always age to
Half a sentence . Probation and prison never seem to
Follow through

Can I say I think you're very brave but that the police officer who did the work to get your case to
Court will be just as pissed off and won't have been told he was out either .
Pc. Worked in dv until it broke me .
Now I work in generic easy police dept where I don't break my heart all the time .

stillvicarinatutu · 16/12/2021 00:34

Ps . You have a pretty
Good refraining order . Report any breach .

LookslovelyinSpringtime · 16/12/2021 00:35

This is a heart rending story. Have you thought about moving far away and changing your name? I would.

Queenie6655 · 16/12/2021 00:50

I'm so sorry

And so bloody angry

This animal should not have got off so lightly

What can be done about this

Thinking of you op

I have been there and some of the let downs astound me

Original poster
ode2me · 16/12/2021 01:44

Hi again everyone. Sorry to post so late. My dd woke me up.

How can I go about preventing this happening to someone else? He is seeing an 18 year old girl now. He is 26. 'M 28.

I have such guilt for exposing my daughter to him. He said 'when j am proven innocent I will get her taken off you by social services' and I walk on eggshells now, so afraid.

Thank you all for the women aid advice. Do you know if they offer counselling? I can barely afford food week too week so just can't afford to access any private help.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/12/2021 01:55

He won't succeed in taking your DD from you. He will be proven innocent when pigs fly. The whole thing was recorded.

That threat is an example of him figuring out how to keep you living in fear.

Women's Aid offers all sorts of help.
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
Local directory

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/
Survivors' handbook

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/useful-links/#1448370765416-a8364aa4-18bf
Useful links from WA

You can do a live chat online with a WA counselor to see what they can offer you.

I think you need a lot of help. It's outrageous that the police didn't signpost you to Women's Aid, or to Rights of Women
rightsofwomen.org.uk/ , an organisation providing legal help to women who are victims of violence.

You should get in touch with your MP to make a strong complaint about the way the police, prosecutor, and court have handled this.

Would you be willing to move to another part of the country and to go completely quiet on all social media?

OnAWinterMorningFarAway · 16/12/2021 02:03

Hi OP. I don't know specifically about Women's Aid and counselling where you are. It seems to vary from area to area depending on funding available. Please give them a call or email.

Regarding free NHS counselling, again it seems to depend on what area you live in. If you google something like 'NHS talking therapy' or 'NHS talking change' plus the name of your city / area, you'll be able to see if there's any service to which you can self-refer.

Also, have a look at the website for your GP practice and see what they offer.

And btw, all social services want to know is that you are detached from this loser. Which you are. So good.

I hope the police have thought to tell that 18 year old about his violent past.

catwomandoo · 16/12/2021 02:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread