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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex jailed for DV yesterday

123 replies

ode2me · 06/05/2021 20:13

I had a short relationship last year that quickly became very abusive in every way. I had suffered serious child abuse and hadn't yet learnt the warning signs.

The last incident was the worst. Toddler in the next room crying and my head being stomped on repeatedly.

7 months later yesterday he was found guilty of ABH with a weapon and assault by battery.
He was sentenced to 15 months in prison and i was granted a 10 year restraining order.

I just wanted to tell you that there is life after DV. I wish you all the very best.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/05/2021 09:54

Thank god if he's not the father. I just don't understand such short sentences for extremely violent crimes. Stamping on someone's head! Why on earth isn't that attempted murder?

Original poster
ode2me · 07/05/2021 10:54

@HollowTalk

Thank god if he's not the father. I just don't understand such short sentences for extremely violent crimes. Stamping on someone's head! Why on earth isn't that attempted murder?
I don't understand either but we were lucky to be given any prison time at all. His defence was that he was too vulnerable and wouldn't do well in prison.

I don't have words.

OP posts:
Original poster
ode2me · 07/05/2021 10:55

@wtfisgoingonhere21

Op your post just made my blood run cold

What a a strong person you are to have gone through that and come out the other side with a conviction and restraining order.

We read so many situations that are like yours and it's not until it's sadly too late that it all comes to light

Take time to heal yourself emotionally op

I don't want to say well done or congratulations as it sounds so wrong but remind yourself every day how far you've come and how it could have ended had you not got the help when you did ThanksThanks

Thank you. Truly. I mean that x
OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 07/05/2021 11:21

You are so brave
It is so scary

I remember a met officer told me it would be easier for me to not press charges when my ex tried to kill me
Eh what ?
Some of the things that happen after are truly shocking

JSL52 · 07/05/2021 11:21

How awful for you and your daughter.
I'm glad he's in prison , even for the ridiculous sentence he got.
I wish you all the best for the future Thanks

Queenie6655 · 07/05/2021 11:24

OP did he have previous convictions?

Original poster
ode2me · 07/05/2021 11:48

@Queenie6655

OP did he have previous convictions?
Hi queens.

He didn't have any previous. In fact his new girlfriend gave him a glowing character reference.Confused

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 07/05/2021 12:14

Oh sweet lord

My bast--- also tried to kill his ex wife

I'm hoping that can be used in court

May he rot in jail
He has this to carry with him for the rest of his life

Looking at the news today I'm so so sad to see about so many women being murdered at the hands of their partners or ex partners

It's getting worse

Their punishment should be longer prison terms

BrilliantBetty · 07/05/2021 12:21

15 months!?? WTAF

For stamping on your head and climbing through windows to carry on attacking you, baby in ear shot. I am sickened. That is not justice. 15 short months..

I was mugged on the street. Threatened with a weapon but unharmed. 2 males both received 24months. Which is a reasonable sentence for the crime. That monster tried to kill you and he'll be out in a minute!!

Happycat1212 · 07/05/2021 12:26

I guess that’s why it was low if he had no previous convictions but the annoying thing is that doesn’t mean he hadn’t done anything else before, so much goes unreported!

likeamother · 07/05/2021 12:30

This made me well up. Op, well done for removing yourself from this, for working through this, for posting this.

I hope you're getting lots of support and I wish you much better times in the future Flowers

Igmum · 07/05/2021 12:35

That's terrible OP but well done for speaking up for yourself and for your daughter. Hugs Thanks

Sprig1 · 07/05/2021 12:40

That's amazing. You were very brave to report and go through with it. Be very proud that your actions almost certainly have saved other women from harm.

wewereliars · 07/05/2021 13:00

So glad he's out of your life OP, the whole system can be so hard to navigate. Well done and here's to a great future free of fear and violence for you and your daughter Flowers

Queenie6655 · 07/05/2021 13:19

@BrilliantBetty

15 months!?? WTAF

For stamping on your head and climbing through windows to carry on attacking you, baby in ear shot. I am sickened. That is not justice. 15 short months..

I was mugged on the street. Threatened with a weapon but unharmed. 2 males both received 24months. Which is a reasonable sentence for the crime. That monster tried to kill you and he'll be out in a minute!!

Absolutely!!

Wtf is wrong with this system and some of these male judges

This seems to be so common

runwithme · 07/05/2021 13:41

That has made me go cold. You do know you've protected your daughter and have taught her a great lesson? You're amazing

Ytrigging · 07/05/2021 13:54

Congratulations for leaving. It’s great to hear about a woman successfully improving her life. All the best to you and your dc.

newnortherner111 · 07/05/2021 14:14

I wish it had been longer, but glad the courts were prepared to send him to prison.

CombatBarbie · 07/05/2021 14:40

How horrific, I am so glad the call stayed active, it sounds utterly terrifying!!

Namechangedforthistoday · 07/05/2021 16:57

@Queenie6655 scarily it’s not always just the male judges

HollowTalk · 07/05/2021 17:19

A man who can stamp on someone's head is not exactly what I'd call vulnerable.

Queenie6655 · 07/05/2021 20:29

[quote Namechangedforthistoday]@Queenie6655 scarily it’s not always just the male judges[/quote]
Sorry yes of course very true

Original poster
ode2me · 07/05/2021 20:32

I feel so guilty. Horrible for my child.

It's such a strange mix of emotions. I don't feel relief. I sometimes feel lucky that he was given jail time (they said it was on the cusp of prison time but more likely a suspended sentence. Confused

Other times I worry terribly it won't punish him. He is lazy. Arrogant though. About 5'7 at a push snd 8 stone. Justin Bieber floppy hair. I think he'll he given a softer time by staff. I hope he isn't hurt though. I don't wish it on anyone.

Sometimes I think it won't make a difference.

He stared at me as he was taken down to the cells under the court. The same cold disgusted stare he'd me after he'd attack me and mock my reactions to it.

Life after DV is possible. I hope living will be too.

This thread is making me tearful. All of Your kindness is so appreciated.

OP posts:
Twickerhun · 07/05/2021 20:38

Oh OP I’m so sorry you and your DD went through this but I wish you every joy and happiness now for your future after you’ve done the brave thing and testified against him. Be kind to yourself; it’s a horrendous thing going to court

BrilliantBetty · 07/05/2021 20:40

I hope he isn't hurt though. I don't wish it on anyone.

May he have it hard in there. He can ROT for what he's done.

He's vermin and for what he did to you, deserves not one once of your sympathy OP. Every minute he spends in there he brought upon himself!! And it's a shame it's not double.

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