I've just got out of a controlling relationship. .
Started with lovely intense phone contact. Compliments. I was so beautiful. Perfect. He fell in love fast.
Sex stuff became a big thing. He seemed so focused on me sexually at times. I used to think he's at his nicest when it was about sex.
Over time he said the following.
"Why do you wear your hair so long"
"I prefer ponytails"
"Can I send you some red nail varnish for your toes"
"If I could change anything about you I'd give you a tan"
"Have you never thought about going back to work to see other grown ups at least"
"Stay at home mums turn into children"
He used to want me in certain colour underwear and claimed he liked the idea of me wearing classy stuff in the bedroom. Then he added a new woman to his Facebook. Started looking at her content. Started sending me tarty versions of her clothes to wear in bed for him. We split a week after this!!
Go with your gut. It's the best thing in the world. When you are happy you don't worry. You don't overthink. You don't walk on egg shells.
Write things down in an email draft of anything. Get all your thoughts out. Work out what he does. Is there really anything nice about him?
I thought there were nice parts to my guy. So I let him get away with it. But the nice parts were an act. He was literally taking me for a cruel ride.
He was a day drunk (months into alcohol recovery) never got therapy.
He was on opiates for pain but didn't take them safely.
He was a liar. Started white lies early on. Started noticing his stories not adding up.
He would mirror me to make me think wow we have the same candle. We think the same thing. We like the same food etc.
He would say something I had said the other day like it was his words.
He would gaslight me. Make out I was confusing him. Try to make me feel thick and like I wasn't very bright. Nobody else struggled to read my texts or understand me like he did!
He was always wanting phone sex. I would do things to please him when we were apart. Even though it wasn't easy as I was juggling two young children I made sure he had my undivided attention.
He contacted me every hour.
He was obsessed with his ex still and slept with her photo above his bed.
In the end I found out he had other women on the go phone wise. One woman he had destroyed her marriage and was still faking a future with her. He was always window shopping on Facebook.
Overall not a nice man.
No savings.
Nearly 50 and no property or car.
Clings onto his past.
Obsessed with sex but can't show empathy.
Aggressive with words.hes spoken to Me more horrible than anyone else ever has in my life. Yet he was meant to love me.
Sorry I'm waffling on. But please end it with him. Read up on narcissists. Watch videos on YouTube about them.
He may just be an idiot. But still read into signs of toxic men etc. The more you educate yourself, the more you will realise he's the problem. He's horrible. He's not normal. Also there are men out there that would give anything to look after you properly. Don't let him waste your years.
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