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Original poster

Boyfriend moving in to property that I own

108 replies

Proudplantowner · 04/05/2021 18:21

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice on moving in with my boyfriend.

We have been together for 2 years. He is a kind, considerate man and I am feeling cautiously optimistic about things!
I own my flat and have a relatively cheap mortgage. I owned it with my ex. After finding out that he had cheated on me multiple times, I ended it and bought him out. I'm much better off without him but it made me a bit wary about starting anything new too soon. And very wary about being financially tied to anyone else. My current boyfriend is nothing like my ex thankfully.
My current boyfriend is renting a house with friends but he brought up the subject of him moving in with me when the tenancy ends. He casually asked how it would work, if he would pay half the mortgage and so on.
I wasn't sure how to answer this. I would not feel comfortable with putting him on the mortgage, especially after what happened with my ex. Equally I don't think he should pay my mortgage. My mortgage is fairly low and I don't think he should be paying for it if his name is not on it. My question is, how do I make it fair? Do I get him to pay for groceries and utility bills? Or is there another way that we could arrange this? Has anyone been in this situation? Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
Wegobshite · 04/05/2021 20:07

If your mortgage is say £400 a month
I would charge him half the bills so council tax utilities and food
Then an extra £100 -£150 on top as why should anyone live for free
If he’s in a house share then he is probably paying around £500 £600 a month
So to get the whole use of a house is a good deal for around £350 -£400 or a good deal

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 04/05/2021 20:13

Dont forget wear and tear when you are working what is fair, using all your equipment, furniture, mattresses, carpets, linen etc Theres a thread on here at the moment about having to wash bedding more often because men are more sweaty. They get worn out with extra use. In no way should this arrangement not be financially beneficial (to both of you). And I do agree on a chores agreement too, that's very interesting when men move in, what they are willing to do.

HoboSexualOnslow · 04/05/2021 20:14

When i moved in with my partner I was renting, so paid half for bills but not towards the mortgage. I saved the equivalent of rent every month so if we broke up I could rent/buy somewhere else quickly. Worked for us.

violetbunny · 04/05/2021 20:21

When I moved into my partners house, I paid the equivalent of just below market rent. We were sharing a room so I paid on that basis. Also contributed towards bills etc, and we got a joint account to cover grocery shopping etc.

After a couple of years he sold that house and we bought our own together.

gmailconfusion2 · 04/05/2021 20:26

With my now husband I charged him his share of the bills and food, nothing to do with the mortgage, and suggested he put the difference away for a mortgage in the future

Danceswithwhippets · 04/05/2021 20:34

@proudplantowner

You cannot "add him to your mortgage" without legally transferring an interest in your house to him.

Charge him rent.

Do not let him contribute to the mortgage, because he could acquire a legal interest in your house -see this extract from the link that @category12 gave you:

Does my partner have rights to my house?
When your partner is moving into your property that has your name on the deeds, they may suggest that they begin to contribute to the mortgage, to split the cost of living together and to create a more equal financial standing within the relationship. However, in these situations, should the relationship break up, your partner may have a legal right to an interest in your home and could force you to sell the property when they leave.

The non-owning partner may be able to force you to sell the property or claim part of the monies from a sale if they can prove that they have acquired a ‘beneficial interest’ in the property. This can arise from contributions towards the purchase price of the property (such as paying towards the mortgage), or even from a conversation, regardless of how vague, that they would have an interest in the property which they have relied on to their detriment. In the latter circumstances, the detriment does not have to be severe and the payment of utility bills or other outgoings could give rise to a claim. If your partner pays for substantial works to the property that would increase the value, then they could also make a claim on that basis.

SimonJT · 04/05/2021 20:51

Do you actually want to live together?

My husband moved in to my owned flat, he paid 1/3 of food and utilities and 1/2 of council tax until we got married. I was not at all comfortable with someone contributing to my mortgage in anyway if they weren’t on the mortgage and deeds, and I wouldn’t share a mortgage with someone if I’m not married to them.

Original poster
Proudplantowner · 04/05/2021 21:23

Thank you everyone for the advice. I've read lots of sensible suggestions and I will be seeking legal advice before I make any decisions. Like many of you have said, it's a big (but exciting) decision and not one I am willing to rush into.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 04/05/2021 21:30

Could he be a lodger so pay rent, bills and food? Is his expectation that he pays less than he does currently?

Thehop · 04/05/2021 21:32

If you charge him a rent rather than a share of things then it’s a clean break of you split, with him having no claim, isn’t it?

frazzledasarock · 04/05/2021 21:40

I wouldn’t charge him the full going lodger rate as he’s not getting a room of his own presumably he’ll be sharing with OP.

I’d charge half of all bill and an amount for living there as he’d be paying rent anyway. But less in rent than the going rate for a lodger.

When DH (then DP), moved in he voluntarily paid the amount he would have been paying had he been living in his own place. I paid my own mortgage.

SallyMcNally · 04/05/2021 21:53

I live in my partners flat and pay approx 2/3 of market rent for room+bills. Just half of bills seemed a bit unfair.

He earns about 1/3 more than me so it works that way as well.

We are planning to get married so are working on the basis that assets will be joint in the future.

We split bills 50:50

SkedaddIe · 04/05/2021 22:04

Houses usually increase in value. So I'm curious would pp talking about wear and tear be prepared to gift their partners 50% of the difference between the increase in equity (minus the maintenance costs and mortgage interest)

SkedaddIe · 04/05/2021 22:10

Imo charging a sexual partner rent or talking about treating them like a lodger is a bit off.

And is he gonna get paid labour costs every time they do some decorating together or put up some IKEA furniture?

Starseeking · 04/05/2021 22:50

If I were you, I would rent out my mortgaged place, then rent a separate place for the two of you where you each pay 50:50.

That way there's no confusion about who owns what, and who pays what, and you can always fully combine finances later on, if it works out down the line.

HollowTalk · 04/05/2021 23:11

I can never understand on these threads why so many women think the man should live rent-free. I'm sure the OP's boyfriend is a nice guy but why would you let someone live rent-free in your place when you've (more often than not) sweated blood to be able to afford to buy somewhere?

Batshitkerazy · 04/05/2021 23:31

@SkedaddIe

Imo charging a sexual partner rent or talking about treating them like a lodger is a bit off.

And is he gonna get paid labour costs every time they do some decorating together or put up some IKEA furniture?

Agreed! I own my house and my partner moved in with me. He gives me some money towards bills and pays for the food shopping. I wouldn’t dream of charging him rent to live here. He’s saving so we can buy together in a couple of years time
user008767 · 05/05/2021 00:11

Everyone here including you is talking about him moving in, but I'm going to question that idea, OP.

I think there's a case for him living on his own for a while so that he gets a real appreciation of what's required to run a home, how much things cost etc.

You hear so much about men who think it all happens by magic because their parents or partners did things or they lived in a house share where nobody did!

You're auditioning for a long-term partner. One who will pull his weight when he's teamed with you. One who is a competent adult and can step up if you're incapacitated.

If he has his own place you can judge him on all this and avoid being one of the many, many mournful posters on here who wake up one day, two kids in, and realize they married a man child.

It may also motivate him to link causes and effects e.g. "spend all weekend helping Jim move house = have no time to clean up own place, no clean plates or sheets come Monday evening". Aka a valuable chance for him to mature and grow as a person.

I know we can seem like cynical harpies here on MN and actually I know a lot of lovely, reliable men personally, but a teaspoon of hardheadedness now can pay back a thousand times over misery avoided later.

If you see him keep himself and his flat clean and tidy for a year or two, cook and budget, sort insurance and arrange plumbers... Then! Maybe consider getting a place together.

saltychoc · 05/05/2021 00:47

@user008767 has completely nailed it.

I would want to date a guy who had had his own place (either rented or bought) to yes, see if he was independent and capable.

How clean is he? What taste in decor does he gave? Can he cook? Can he look after himself and his home?

It's not very appealing to be the only grow up in the relationship, but how do you know if he is ready for grown up life if he's only lived with just mum and now mates?

SimonJT · 05/05/2021 06:16

@SkedaddIe

Imo charging a sexual partner rent or talking about treating them like a lodger is a bit off.

And is he gonna get paid labour costs every time they do some decorating together or put up some IKEA furniture?

I completely agree, the way some people treat the person they supposedly love is bizarre.
Yawnthisway · 05/05/2021 07:51

I would charge half bills apart from mortgage on the understanding that he saves the extra up towards a deposit for a place you will buy together eventually.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 05/05/2021 07:54

There's zero way I'd EVER move someone in because they drove it and the ol 'my tenancy agreement is ending', much less with a mortgage. Nope, nope, nope. It would be 'Don't feel the timing is right.'

Tearrific · 05/05/2021 08:05

I'd get him to pay you the equivalent of half the utility and food bills, and then set up a joint savings account where he pays in the amount that he is saving in rent per month by living with you, and this goes towards any future plans for yourselves (next house, marriage, kids etc).

UCOinanOCG · 05/05/2021 08:06

[quote saltychoc]@user008767 has completely nailed it.

I would want to date a guy who had had his own place (either rented or bought) to yes, see if he was independent and capable.

How clean is he? What taste in decor does he gave? Can he cook? Can he look after himself and his home?

It's not very appealing to be the only grow up in the relationship, but how do you know if he is ready for grown up life if he's only lived with just mum and now mates?[/quote]
How does living with mates equate to not being ready for 'grown up' life. Both my DDs lived in shared accommodation after uni, DD2 still does. Both can cook, clean, do laundry, make their room nice just like any other person and did so whilst on shared accommodation.

My DH and I didn't live together at all before we married (in the mid 80's). Somehow we muddled through . We didn't feel the need to question each other on decorating tastes or the ability to cook and clean. I am sure OP knows her OH and his capabilities.

Sally872 · 05/05/2021 08:11

I would suggest you pay the mortgage then split everything else 50/50 for a year or two.

He should save the money previously spent on rent for a deposit for himself if it doesn't work or hopefully so he can afford to buy with you when you're both ready or so he can buy an investment property for himself if you both want to continue in your current home.