Boyfriend moving in to property that I own

[Proudplantowner]

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice on moving in with my boyfriend.

We have been together for 2 years. He is a kind, considerate man and I am feeling cautiously optimistic about things!
I own my flat and have a relatively cheap mortgage. I owned it with my ex. After finding out that he had cheated on me multiple times, I ended it and bought him out. I'm much better off without him but it made me a bit wary about starting anything new too soon. And very wary about being financially tied to anyone else. My current boyfriend is nothing like my ex thankfully.
My current boyfriend is renting a house with friends but he brought up the subject of him moving in with me when the tenancy ends. He casually asked how it would work, if he would pay half the mortgage and so on.
I wasn't sure how to answer this. I would not feel comfortable with putting him on the mortgage, especially after what happened with my ex. Equally I don't think he should pay my mortgage. My mortgage is fairly low and I don't think he should be paying for it if his name is not on it. My question is, how do I make it fair? Do I get him to pay for groceries and utility bills? Or is there another way that we could arrange this? Has anyone been in this situation? Thank you in advance.

[TuesdayToday]

I would approach this with either:

1. Partner pays nominal rent but on understanding the saving on their rent is saved or invested in the event relationship fails. They split all other bills 50/50
   
   
2. You agree what house is worth, and going forward, any further gain in value of the property, is split as per the split of mortgage payment. For instance if you pay 70% and partner 30%, then if relationship fails partner entitled to 30% of the asset gain since they moved in until the point of separation. The equity and value prior to co-habiting remains with you.
   
   All in I would do 1 then move to 2. I think any sensible partner would see the fairness in this. You BOTH have to protect your interests. I. E. Don't potentially leave partner 5 years down line with nothing but they helped pay 50% of a asset value gain in that time.

[Bibidy]

@YankeeDad

Agree with this, it's a weird train of thought that often comes up on here...that people shouldn't need to pay for the roof over their head if their partner owns it, rather than a landlord.

When my then-GF now-DW moved into my home many years ago, it would have felt rather odd to charge her rent. I would have been concerned about coming across as a miserable tightwad. Was I instead being a chump by not doing that?

Or was my course of action normal and to be expected, considering also that I was, at the time, earning more than double her salary and also saving more than half of my net income, in addition to being a homeowner?

I am genuinely curious as to what other posters will think about this.

I genuinely think it depends on what individuals want to do.

I am the same as you, I bought my flat and my boyfriend moved in with me rent-free, as I earned more and he would have been left skint had I 'charged' him anything at that time (he was in debt and lived with his parents before me). I paid the mortgage and all bills, until he was in a better position and he now covers the bills (at his own insistence) as he didn't feel good being totally supported by me in that way. Did your gf not contribute any money at all after she moved in?

I honestly think it's up to individuals to decide what works - I am just always puzzled by a lot of threads like this I see where there is outrage that someone might financially contribute towards the house they live in just because their partner owns it rather than a landlord, to whom they would pay rent no question despite knowing they will never get anything back.

[Dreamingofbeergardens]

@category12 exactly. I have friends who got married first and had some shocks. Not necessarily nasty ones but they were overwhelmed and in tears at times to me on the phone. Thankfully they seem happy now, but I wouldn't marry someone myself without seeing if we are compatible living together!

[snowyangel]

Hi everyone,
Never used this site just looking for advice from a 3rd party really. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years met him online before we got together he was on about looking for a place to buy to be closer to work but then the pandemic happened. Since then we got together and were looking at houses for a while and he said when he's back in the office we would start looking for somewhere. However a few weeks ago he liked a house but then told me he wouldn't want to do a joint mortgage due to the fact we see eachother maybe twice a week due to work and other stuff, I got upset at first because other people told me this is very weird, so had a talk with him and basically the meaning behind it was he wanted to get the mortgage and I'd stay at that house few nights a week see how it goes then when they both decide he would put me on the account. He's scared because he thinks if we move in and get a joint mortgage and break up it's more hassle to sell money on I've explained you can get something signed to say we'd get 50/50 my gut is saying no joint mortgage at the moment due to not being ready but recently he's started reading up about mortgages and finding out how much he could afford which has puzzled me a bit because it makes me think he's looking to get a place on his own so what does that mean for us. I get he's worried because it would be a massive step in the relationship and it scares the hell out of me because I don't want the dynamic to change but other people are putting into my head that he's using me because I asked about renting first and he said no it's a waste of money so it's basically looking like one name goes on the house or nothing at all. Don't know if it's me overthinking but everytime I bring up the subject of a house he gets a bit weird and always says "the house fund" not our house fund when talking about savings. Just looking for some advice really is it worth just letting him get a house on his own and seeing how we get on he said he wants to move the relationship forward and wouldn't be expecting me to pay anything towards the house, have tried talking about it but don't want it to be an argument and I'm finding it overwhelming talking about a house and the future because other people have stuck their nose in and confused me but then I'm confused as to why he wouldn't want to rent to try it first and then looking into a mortgage on his own? We are 25 years old. Sorry for the long post too.

[Notjustabrunette]

Don’t put him on the mortgage but you can charge him rent. Whatever you think is fair for the area, your mortgage etc. spilt bills 50/50 like if you were both renting together. Keep all bills i your name. He will be on council tax though.
you could get a joint account for bills and food shopping. That’s what me and my husband did when we first moved in together.
maybe he pays more in to cover the rent, so you pay in £100 per month, he pays in £300 so
like that?

[Mischance]

Just charge him rent?

[category12]

@snowyangel

Hi everyone,
Never used this site just looking for advice from a 3rd party really. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years met him online before we got together he was on about looking for a place to buy to be closer to work but then the pandemic happened. Since then we got together and were looking at houses for a while and he said when he's back in the office we would start looking for somewhere. However a few weeks ago he liked a house but then told me he wouldn't want to do a joint mortgage due to the fact we see eachother maybe twice a week due to work and other stuff, I got upset at first because other people told me this is very weird, so had a talk with him and basically the meaning behind it was he wanted to get the mortgage and I'd stay at that house few nights a week see how it goes then when they both decide he would put me on the account. He's scared because he thinks if we move in and get a joint mortgage and break up it's more hassle to sell money on I've explained you can get something signed to say we'd get 50/50 my gut is saying no joint mortgage at the moment due to not being ready but recently he's started reading up about mortgages and finding out how much he could afford which has puzzled me a bit because it makes me think he's looking to get a place on his own so what does that mean for us. I get he's worried because it would be a massive step in the relationship and it scares the hell out of me because I don't want the dynamic to change but other people are putting into my head that he's using me because I asked about renting first and he said no it's a waste of money so it's basically looking like one name goes on the house or nothing at all. Don't know if it's me overthinking but everytime I bring up the subject of a house he gets a bit weird and always says "the house fund" not our house fund when talking about savings. Just looking for some advice really is it worth just letting him get a house on his own and seeing how we get on he said he wants to move the relationship forward and wouldn't be expecting me to pay anything towards the house, have tried talking about it but don't want it to be an argument and I'm finding it overwhelming talking about a house and the future because other people have stuck their nose in and confused me but then I'm confused as to why he wouldn't want to rent to try it first and then looking into a mortgage on his own? We are 25 years old. Sorry for the long post too.

Hi @snowyangel , you'll probably do better to start a new thread of your own, as people will just tend to answer the OP and not see yours.

If your gut is saying it's too soon to buy together, and he is afraid to as well, then him buying on his own makes sense, really? If you're currently renting, you could maybe stay with him more or move in, although long term you would want to be added or buy together. As long as you are careful not to paint yourself into a corner by getting pregnant or losing your financial independence and have a time frame in mind for moving things on, should be OK. Don't become the person paying someone else's mortgage with no security of your own tho.

[museumum]

When I moved in with now dh I paid him half of what I’d been paying to live before so we both benefitted the same amount, then we split all bills food etc.