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Original poster

Boyfriend moving in to property that I own

108 replies

Proudplantowner · 04/05/2021 18:21

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice on moving in with my boyfriend.

We have been together for 2 years. He is a kind, considerate man and I am feeling cautiously optimistic about things!
I own my flat and have a relatively cheap mortgage. I owned it with my ex. After finding out that he had cheated on me multiple times, I ended it and bought him out. I'm much better off without him but it made me a bit wary about starting anything new too soon. And very wary about being financially tied to anyone else. My current boyfriend is nothing like my ex thankfully.
My current boyfriend is renting a house with friends but he brought up the subject of him moving in with me when the tenancy ends. He casually asked how it would work, if he would pay half the mortgage and so on.
I wasn't sure how to answer this. I would not feel comfortable with putting him on the mortgage, especially after what happened with my ex. Equally I don't think he should pay my mortgage. My mortgage is fairly low and I don't think he should be paying for it if his name is not on it. My question is, how do I make it fair? Do I get him to pay for groceries and utility bills? Or is there another way that we could arrange this? Has anyone been in this situation? Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
OrchestraOfWankery · 04/05/2021 19:04

What Jocasta2018 says!

And don't forget the discussion about the division of household chores.

PicsInRed · 04/05/2021 19:04

Are you around the same age? How have you bought a house and he hasn't? Now he wants to enter property but rather than buying his own, he wants onto yours?

Do you have the same financial outlook? How does he treat and speak of his exs?

Dreaminbleu · 04/05/2021 19:05

Oh and we share the cost of food, all bills are in my name and are covered by the money he pays. I also pay for any major maintenance and decorating, as when I sold I benefitted financially. He came with lots of nice furniture from his old house and better kitchen items which was handy Wink

Thunderdonkey · 04/05/2021 19:05

Have you considered financially treating him as a lodger, so charge him the going rate for a room? That is what we did when I moved into DH's house many years ago and it worked for us both. As the relationship progressed things naturally became more shared.

PicsInRed · 04/05/2021 19:06

He treats other people very well; probably too well and puts other people first.

Which other people does he treat too well and put first, and how does he do this?

Julietbalcony · 04/05/2021 19:06

@Proudplantowner for the sake of whatever a solicitor would charge, for goodness sake get proper legal advice before he moves in and get him to sign a cohabitation agreement. You don't want to get burnt again.

TokenGinger · 04/05/2021 19:09

My partner moved in with me after around 3 years. At his insistence, we split the bills down the middle. This is because he has his own mortgage and he's getting that paid in full by his now tenants, so he didn't want to be subsidised by me.

However, my suggestion had been he pay £100 "rent" (on a mortgage of £325). Then split everything else 50/50.

I think it's okay to take some rent from him, because why should he get to live rent-free at your expense, but not so much that he feels he'd have a claim in your house.

Original poster
Proudplantowner · 04/05/2021 19:09

@PicsInRed yes the same age. Different backgrounds to an extent. I'm aware that I'm lucky to own a property, a lot of people my age (late 20s in the South-East) don't. I lived at home for a bit when I was younger and saved a deposit. Inherited a little from my grandparents when they passed away. He also started his degree a few years after me and so is still progressing in his career.
I like to think we do, yes. He doesn't just spend his money on random junk. He treated his exes very well but didn't live with any of them. They were both young though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Proudplantowner · 04/05/2021 19:11

Also just to be reiterate, I would definitely not put him on the mortgage!

OP posts:
overwork · 04/05/2021 19:12

My partner moved into my (massively mortgaged) place. I'd lived there perfectly fine before him and didn't wish to make money off him.
He paid half the bills and all the food (he does eat most of it!) when he moved in. I wanted to make sure that if we split we wouldn't have any money issues.
It's worked out perfectly for both of us, 2 years later we're about to move into our joint place together and he was able to save up plenty for the deposit while he was here.
Just make sure that you will be fine whatever happens, keeps his mitts off your house until you are very sure.

Original poster
Proudplantowner · 04/05/2021 19:15

@PicsInRed small things really. For example he would always offer a friend a lift home from the airport or help them move into a new house. He might offer to do that instead of saying no, I have to catch up on work/I'm tired/I want to sit at home and watch TV. I'm trying to get him to see that he doesn't always need to offer to help people with things and that he can say no!

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 04/05/2021 19:16

Do you know his exs? If you know them and they speak well of him, that's encouraging.

However, big but coming: he's behind you in his career now, but if you have kids, his career may progress and yours will likely suspend in place. You may need that flat in future.

I would keep it separate - as a woman with a property and source of income presently exceeding his, marriage and combination of assets will make you less able to leave him and potentially even make you worse off in case of a divorce.

Potentially, will there be more inheritance on your side in future? Another consideration as this would be community property as you're in England.

Soontobe60 · 04/05/2021 19:19

I’d split the general living costs excluding mortgage and building insurance. I’d tell him that if it works out and you decide to get married /have children or upsize, then you would expect him to have saved enough for a hefty deposit, and buy a joint property as tenants in common with you owning whatever % of the property your deposit allowed.
Eg, sell your flat and have £50k deposit, he saves £10k, total deposit £60k. So you have a 5/6ths share and he has 1/6th share as tenants in common.

Babygotblueyes · 04/05/2021 19:23

If you can afford the mortgage by yourself, I would have him pay towards food and bills. That way he gets to put aside some savings for himself, and you get the financial security of owning your flat by yourself. It is true that he would have to pay rent if he lived elsewhere but I think the above is more generous. I wouldnt worry about his suggestion he moved in - you have been together 2 years and it makes sense to want to move on in the relationship.

SkedaddIe · 04/05/2021 19:24

If he is good financially (good credit history and no bad debts) then set up a joint account and use it for all household expenses. Utilities and food etc only.

Do not put him on the mortgage.

Do not make him contribute to rent in any way. Let him put his 'rent contribution' into a personal savings account. When you're ready to go all in then he will have something of his own too.

I think this is the fairest non 'business-y' way to protect both of you.

ItsNotLoveActually · 04/05/2021 19:26

My concern would be that he's currently not self sufficient financially. He has motivation for wanting to move in other than its a natural progression to the relationship. Most people don't choose a house share if they can afford to live on their own. Do you know how much he earns, what he pays out in shared bills and his own personal commitments at the moment? Has he any debts?

Definitely agree he should go halves on all bills except the mortgage regardless of who earns more.

SkedaddIe · 04/05/2021 19:28

Oooh @Jocasta2018 said it first.

He lives rent free. You get half living costs paid. Win win. If he's smart he'll save towards his own place or buying in to your place properly.

Original poster
Proudplantowner · 04/05/2021 19:29

@PicsInRed he ended things with his ex on good terms; it was a mutual split and they both speak well of each other Smile
Yes, that's a good point about the future, possibly inheriting money and the dynamic changing.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 04/05/2021 19:31

What's the difference in his earnings vs yours?

Op,I hate to be cynical and I'm sure you are lovely but people become way more attractive if they have an asset. Don't judge others by your values. Do you have similar ambitions, career wise?

alexis4theppl · 04/05/2021 19:32

Just split the utilities and food. Stick to paying your mortgage yourself.

HollowTalk · 04/05/2021 19:34

OK why don't you ask for half the rent he pays now and for you each to pay half of the bills? Then he's a lot better off and so are you. However that would be rent and not a contribution to your mortgage.

Live together and if it works out and he really is as decent as you think, you can get married and merge finances then.

thinkIamdone · 04/05/2021 19:38

If he is a proper grown up the dynamic wont bother him. Ask him to pay half the bills and food. not the mortgage

LadyLolaRuben · 04/05/2021 19:54

You pay mortgage and he contributes 50% to all other household bills and food

CallMeCleo · 04/05/2021 20:06

I've done both -- lived in a house owned by my b/f and vice versa.

You could

  1. Charge him what he currently pays, unless the amenities are less. There is no way he should be getting free accommodation.
  1. Charge him the going rate for a lodger. Find out the going rate for your area on spareroom.co.uk
  1. Charge him half the Council Tax and all utilities, not forgetting insurance, TV licence, broadband etc then take it in turns to pay for groceries.
CallMeCleo · 04/05/2021 20:06
  1. Charge him half the Council Tax and all utilities, not forgetting insurance, TV licence, broadband etc then take it in turns to pay for groceries. But don't charge anything for rent.
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