Advice please - handling OH baggage

[SunnyDarren123]

Hi all, first time poster needing advice.

I met a girl (GF) on a dating app 3 months ago. We got on amazingly well, the connection was great: the laughter, the sensitive talks, deep and meaningfuls, talking about our fears and desires. Conversations were so easy.

She told me so much about her father passing away when she was 17.

Eventually we told each other about our past relationships and that's where my uncertainty lies.

This is basically what GF told me....

She had a boyfriend at university (BF1).

In 2014, aged 23, she dated a guy (BF2) for 2 years who was her best friend during university. But it started as an affair Because BF2 was in a relationship which GF knew about. So she was complicit in BF2 cheating. She calls him her first love/greatest love but it didn't work out cos she couldn't commit in the way BF2 wanted to.

BF2 got back with girl he'd cheated on, married her in 2017 and had a child in 2019.

Also in 2019 my GF told BF2 Alle feelings she'd had for him when they first dated and they then had a 6 month affair, after he's become a dad.

Eventually GF breaks off the affair and goes back to dating BF1, her uni boyfriend, for a year. That ended in December.

It's been 2 years but BF2 still contacts GF by email and even calls her mum occasionally!

GF admits she still loves BF2.

And this weekend the uni ex BF1, invited her to see his new flat and she intended to go until other plans got in the way.

SO... With the tendency to go back to ex's; the history of being complicit in affairs; not cutting off contact the ex's.... Should I persist? I really like GF.

All views/warnings welcome. Please be honest.

Thank you for bearing with me during my long post

@Onthedunes

She's a maneater, she will chew you up and spit you out.

Really you don't need the pain.

Fear of repeated behaviour

My head knows walking away is the right thing. My heart likes her but is also cautious.

@SunnyDarren123
Your relationship will be all about her, and her issues and nothing about you, I’ve dated women like this before, everything will be a massive drama, you really don’t need the aggravation, kick her to the Kerb and and find someone better

[quote JustAnotherOldMan]@SunnyDarren123
Your relationship will be all about her, and her issues and nothing about you, I’ve dated women like this before, everything will be a massive drama, you really don’t need the aggravation, kick her to the Kerb and and find someone better[/quote]
Reading your message, it does feel like this has been the case so far.

Her baggage/ commitment phobia/ plan to date around was constantly coming up in conversation.

And we only started talking in late Jan.

But I'm trying to see what you and all other responders see.

It's hard

If she was sincere about considering a commitment to you, why would she have told you all that stuff? Easy to say "yes I had 2 significant relationships in the past.". Why all the detail? She's more interested in you knowing how deceitful and passionate she is, without any consideratuon for your feelings. It will be toxic and painful if you carry on. And given she must be 30 ish by now, she sounds incredibly immature.

@PixelatedLunchbox

Hi What does this emoji mean?

@Sundance2741

If she was sincere about considering a commitment to you, why would she have told you all that stuff? Easy to say "yes I had 2 significant relationships in the past.". Why all the detail? She's more interested in you knowing how deceitful and passionate she is, without any consideratuon for your feelings. It will be toxic and painful if you carry on. And given she must be 30 ish by now, she sounds incredibly immature.

I guess that's the question of why she overshares.

I suppose her oversharing has alerted me to her behaviour/thought processes etc

Immature because of the points you made, I assume?