Should I put up with this?

[snackmonster]

Recently started renting a new place with my boyfriend. He's a lovely guy but he hasn't been pulling his weight at all with the housework.

When I mention it to him he claims that my standards are too high. He is right, I do have high standards when it comes to keeping the house clean but I don't think unrealistically so?

He says that if I need something done I should ask him, as though I am the manager of the house. He put the laundry out to dry the other day without me asking which was great, but he left the clothes all wrinkled and my knickers were practically screwed in a ball, perched on the airer. I didn't say anything because when I've mentioned this before, he claims that whenever he does something I'm not happy with it.

Am I the problem? Should I be more lenient? Are all men like this?

I love him and I would like to see a future with him but recently I've not been feeling sure about this. He is so loving and a thoroughly nice and kind man. But I don't know if I would want to be the one doing all the chores for my whole life. Or is this something I should just accept?

We also rarely have sex which he claimed was from the stress of the pandemic... except now it's all ending and we still don't. I have stopped trying to initiate it because it's not nice being rejected all the time. I feel too young to have reached this stage of a relationship already!

I don't think your man can keep up to the high standards that you have. Some people are more laid back than others. If you get upset about your crinkly screwed up knickers, then just tell him so.as men are fairly bad at hanging up the washing, and they don't consider it to be very important.

This won't improve OP. Take it from one who has been there and bought the t shirt. Men like this do not change. They just get worse the further under the table their feet get. If you have DC with this guy you will end up resenting him and hating your life.

You are SO young. Dump this guy, get out there and find a man who wants to tear your clothes off. You deserve so so much better. Dont settle for this bullshit.

His laziness is already irritating you, it will only get worse. Domestically you are incompatible and his compromise is the suggestion of a dynamic (parent/ child) where you’ll always be the loser.

You are gambling away your future on a future version of a partner that you desperately hope him to be. He’s made it perfectly clear that this who is.

You don't need to be someone's mother. There are men who don't need to be managed and who aren't filthy. Not many British ones, mind you, but there are enough foreigners that you should be able to find one.

I have lived with a man like this and would not recommend it. Why live a life of drudgery? The thing is, people's habits never improve. You just moved in with him so he'll be on his best behaviour. He'll only get worse and the resentments will build up.

Either get out now or get used to doing everything for him. Does he have other qualities that make it worthwhile to take on the work of being the household manager? Whatever you do, don't stay in the situation, wasting time and getting more and more resentful.

@Isthisit22 I don't think it's to do with not fancying me! It's more likely from stress/pandemic/antidepressants. That's what he thinks anyway.

AgentJohnson has it!

Many men (not all) make an art form of being "bad at housework" so they can get off with not doing it.

@memberofthewedding, that's exactly it. It's not even a conscious strategy in many cases, but a view, entrenched by their families, that they're not the ones who are responsible for maintaining their surroundings.

They'll have all kinds of unconscious strategies for staying entrenched in laziness. Playing the victim that you have "different" standards, half-a..ing anything they do contribute so that you'll stop asking, not doing it but saying they did so that by the time you realize, the task will have ballooned to be three times as exhausting and time-consuming.

If someone is not already used to taking care of himself, you're facing an uphill battle to get him to change his lifestyle.

Op can I tell you of my experience of getting married in my early 20's. Prior to living together we had amazing sex. Wedding happens, we live together for the first time, and the sex dwindled to nothing unless I iniated it, and then I was was frequently rejected, in fact he became grumpy and slightly aggressive in his rejection which got worst as time went on.
Without mutual intimacy there were no plusses to the relationship and I all I could see were the other things that showed me that he didn't care or make an effort to please me.
We divorced.
Op you moving in with your boyfriend is a "trial run" its not going well is it ???
You are young if theres not a sustained improvement soon I would get rid and move on.

@HazelBite thanks, yes I won't be doing anything hasty! Thanks for sharing your experience, very good to know.