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Original poster

DP, DD has just been rude to me but DP didn't tell her off

99 replies

ToTheLetter01 · 26/04/2021 07:27

I stayed at my DP house last night and her DD came home last night from being at her DD. She's 10. I'm trying my hardest to get on with her, she has moments of being sweet and kind but moments of being rude and tbh bratish.
This morning my DP was struggling to get her out of bed, she was moaning and literally had 5 mins left before they had to leave until she finally got up. I was still in bed as I didn't have to be into work until a tiny bit later so I was waiting for them to get ready before I got up.
Her DD comes through to the bedroom and says to me you need to get up you're an adult and I'm a child and I'm up. If you don't get up ill pull you out of bed. I told her not to as I didn't have pj's on. My DP just sat there and said nothing apart from oh I wouldn't let her pull you. Well how am I suppose to know if a 9 year old is just going to pull the covers. As my DP ushered her out she mouthed sorry to me but said nothing to her DD.
Also over the weekend I had spoken to my DP neighbours who are lovely, they commented on how polite my DS is and mentioned they had heard him and my DP DD playing outside. They were trying to word it in a nice way but basically saying she bosses my DS around and isn't nice to him and apparently DD has said to DS "sorry XX I've just got anger issues"
I told my DP this later and she laughed and said oh she hasn't got anger issues.
There are so many other examples I could give. I'm just annoyed at my DP for letting her get away with this behaviour.
She will tell her off and within 5 mins clearly feel guilty so goes and hugs her, or gives in on a punishment.
We were planning on moving in together but I just don't know if I can. I love my DP so much but I think her child and her parenting will become an issues down the line

OP posts:

Original poster

ToTheLetter01 · 26/04/2021 07:27

Sorry if it's a bit rambled. I've quickly wrote it before I've had to leave for work

OP posts:

Spiceyornicey · 26/04/2021 07:28

Don’t move in together.

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2021 07:29

These really don’t seem like anything other than a kid playing up to me and not a big deal, is your son never cheeky, never plays up?

LawnFever · 26/04/2021 07:32

Why didn’t you just say, ‘I don’t need to be up for work yet, you need to leave the house’ tbh if I’d been made to get up while someone else carried on having what I thought was a lie in I can sort of see her point (not threatening to pull the covers off, but is that what’s done to her when she won’t get up?)

Sakurami · 26/04/2021 07:36

Yes don't move in because you're making a mountain over a molehill! Talk about an overreaction.

NYGirl · 26/04/2021 07:36

How long have you been together?

Spiceyornicey · 26/04/2021 07:37

Exactly, it’s a huge overreaction.
It would be unfair on your partners child if you lived together

NYGirl · 26/04/2021 07:42

She seems to have lost a year of her life half way through your post. Is she 9 or 10?

ravenmum · 26/04/2021 07:44

It does sound as if you would have problems with your parenting styles.

A child threatening to pull off a cover but not doing it. And being bossy, then using amusingly adult language like "anger issues" to apologise for it - what punishment would you have preferred for those crimes?

Original poster

ToTheLetter01 · 26/04/2021 08:51

@NYGirl

She seems to have lost a year of her life half way through your post. Is she 9 or 10?

She's just turned 10. I automatically wrote 9.

OP posts:

Original poster

ToTheLetter01 · 26/04/2021 08:52

OK I feel like I'm being judged here but there is alot more that I haven't said. Her behaviour is just not OK and she is rude to my DP too and she let's her. I just see this being an issue further down the line if we were ever to live together

OP posts:

NYGirl · 26/04/2021 08:53

How long have you been together?

Justcallmebebes · 26/04/2021 08:54

I'm sorry but absolutely nothing you have said warrants a telling off, in my opinion. She sounds like a normal 9/10 year old to be honest .

If you have vastly different parenting styles it's probably best not to move in together

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2021 08:54

@ToTheLetter01

Judged like you’re judging your partner and her child?

StormcloakNord · 26/04/2021 08:56

I have no idea what planet the other posters are on OP. She sounds rude & entitled. My DD is 7 and wouldn't think about badgering someone to get up because they had to, much less get up 5 minutes before having to leave the house.

Her parenting style sounds lax. It's not that there's anything inherently wrong with the way she parents but it's completely different to you and I.

Don't move in with her, it'll be such a bug bear down the line.

StormcloakNord · 26/04/2021 08:57

@Justcallmebebes

I'm sorry but absolutely nothing you have said warrants a telling off, in my opinion. She sounds like a normal 9/10 year old to be honest .

If you have vastly different parenting styles it's probably best not to move in together

I don't get this at all.

If my DD started pulling the covers off DH and demanding he got up because she had to she would absolutely be getting a telling off. It's ridiculously rude.

Ragwort · 26/04/2021 09:00

Seriously, just don't move in together ... read the many, many threads on here about step-parenting, it's just not worth it.

Personally I don't think she was particularly 'rude', just being a bit cheeky and to be fair it's probably not very nice to see someone (without pyjamas/nightclothes on) in her DM's bed ... however long you have been together. My DS often made silly, cheeky comments to me .. if you are that sensitive it's not a good idea to live together.

Postdatedpandemic · 26/04/2021 09:08

Hang on, your DP doesn't get up until 5 mins before work. You don't get up until you have to. Who is doing the parenting?
Pretty shit to be the self sufficient 10 yo while the adults hide in bed.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2021 09:13

I wouldn't even think of moving in with her.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2021 09:14

@Postdatedpandemic It's the child who doesn't get up until five minutes beforehand, isn't it?

Seeline · 26/04/2021 09:17

How old is oyur DS?

UhtredRagnarson · 26/04/2021 09:19

IME it’s best not to tackle discipline in the morning madness before school. No-one is at their most co-operative then. I would be speaking with the DD alone in private this evening about her behaviour being rude and telling her she needs to apologise to you.

I also don’t understand why your DP was still in bed if it was time to get her DD up?

UhtredRagnarson · 26/04/2021 09:21

Oh and it should be plainly obvious to you that you shouldn’t move in. Not because she was rude to you but because she is picking on your child. I’m not sure why that was a secondary concern in your post and not the primary concern.

Fireflygal · 26/04/2021 09:22

Your partner seems to be making allowances for her daughter, maybe because she sees that she is struggling with the blending. Context is important which is why people are asking how long have you been involved.

You can't expect all children to act the same and your son is younger so still plenty of time to start asserting himself.
Blending is extremely difficult. Both parents need to be able to communicate and be on the same page as far as discipline. I think you may also need to lighten up and not react to comments, some will be testing you but also perhaps her behaviour will come from a place of unhappiness. If you are struggling at this stage you will really struggle with teen years.

ravenmum · 26/04/2021 09:23

Maybe it's just not a very clear example - to some it sounds as if she was agressively pulling off the covers, to others it sounds like she wasn't pulling them off at all, and was jokily repeating what her mum might have said to her five minutes before, laughing at the fact that she was taking on the role of the adult this time.

In any case, we're agreeing with what you have pointed out yourself; that this clash of opinions is unlikely to stop if you move in.

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