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Original poster

How to politely decline sleeping with someone on a second date?

87 replies

flowersrain · 20/04/2021 01:35

I had a first date on Friday and it went well - we had lots to chat about and I found him attractive. Something that I liked about him was that we kissed but he didn't try it on. Our second date is tomorrow and we are going for dinner. He has said that I can park at his and we can walk to the restaurant together, which is fine, but I am a bit worried that he might invite me in at the end of the night. I don't have a problem with sex on the first or second date per se, I have done it before, but I am just thinking that straight out of lockdown he may just be gagging for it and use me for that so I'd like to wait until at least date 3 if possible. How would I respectfully decline an invitiation inside/accept an invitation inside but manage his expectations about sex?

OP posts:

ElizabethTudor · 20/04/2021 01:37

Just don’t go inside. Say you’ve had a lovely evening, but you’ve got an early meeting so need to head off home now. Cheerio, thanks, byeeee. 😘

Susannahmoody · 20/04/2021 01:40

What Liz said

Remaker · 20/04/2021 01:42

I think the simplest way is to politely decline an invitation to go inside.

NiceGerbil · 20/04/2021 01:42

The fact he suggested it is interesting isn't it. Normally you'd meet there.

On going on you can just say no thanks I'm going to get off home now.

Or just say you'll meet him at the restaurant.

sageflower · 20/04/2021 01:56

Meet him at the restaurant to avoid being invited in.

avamiah · 20/04/2021 02:01

I personally would just meet him at the restaurant and get a taxi home or use public transport ( depending on the time you come out of the restaurant) and if your comfortable doing that .
Do Not Feel pressurised into anything at all .

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/04/2021 02:11

Personally I think being this anxious about effectively saying no to sex makes you not ready to be dating.

It's really worrying that you have set parameters (private, personal ones) that you feel are right / wrong and don't feel they are something easy to communicate.

You should feel able to set out your expectations because if someone doesn't respect them / judges them etc it means they aren't compatible with what you want.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/04/2021 02:12

Just to be clear, saying no to sex doesn't make you not ready to date at all. Feeling so anxious about just saying no is what makes me suggest you aren't in a good place to be dating.

Blueblueblur · 20/04/2021 02:17

Just tell him you want to have a glass of wine with dinner so you'll get a cab/lift from a friend. Meet him there.

timeisnotaline · 20/04/2021 02:20

It’s a slightly weird suggestion to meet at his( totally ok to respond with I’d rather meet at a restaurant, I don’t go to peoples homes second dates.

avamiah · 20/04/2021 02:26

Well I don’t know the guy but I’ve decided that I don’t like him .lol
Sorry if i offend anybody but I don’t like that he said that OP could park her car at his and could walk together to the restaurant .

florababy84 · 20/04/2021 02:33

"No thank you, I want to take things slowly at this stage."

chatw00 · 20/04/2021 02:34

Don't park at his - say you want to park near the restaurant as you have to get home by so and so time, for whatever thing you've decided you need to get home for.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/04/2021 02:36

You dont need to "politely" decline anything! "No thanks, I'll meet you there"

I'd like to wait until at least date three if possible

Say what? You write this like you dont have a choice!!!

You can wait until date 300 if you want to and a man who doesnt respect that can fucking stroll on!

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/04/2021 02:38

The more I read the OP the more I feel that you feel you should sleep with him no later than date three in case he goes off you! If you dont, and he does, what kind of loss is that?!

If you respect yourself, and demand that respect of him, you will either end up in a good relationship with a good man, or dodge a dickhead.

Win/Win.

NiceGerbil · 20/04/2021 02:43

In a way if you're anticipating this question and feel so uncomfortable with giving a straight answer

I think the best and easiest thing is to meet at the restaurant.

Then you can relax.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/04/2021 02:45

OP, again, if you are planning and 'acceptable excuse' for not having sex, you should not be having sex with someone as you don't feel able to give enthusiastic consent or an enthusiastic no.

NiceGerbil · 20/04/2021 02:45

Missed the date 3 thing in the OP.
Do you even fancy him?
I mean saying no is different depending on if you're meh or wow.

Meet at the restaurant.

StarlightLady · 20/04/2021 03:13

When the chemistry has been right, l have enjoyed sex on a first date and very happy with that. But, if l felt l could not visit someone’s home on a second date, without them having expectations of sex, l would be concerned about the individuall was seeing.

The right time to have sex is the right time for you. A “no sex strategy” should not be required.

Pyewackect · 20/04/2021 03:15

Tell him it’s Shark Week.

florababy84 · 20/04/2021 04:29

You can wait until date 300 if you want to and a man who doesnt respect that can fucking stroll on!

Well said.

Clymene · 20/04/2021 05:44

Unless parking is very difficult, he is inviting you to park at his house with the expectation you'll go back there afterwards and have sex. Given you barely know him, if you don't want to have sex, I wouldn't be a,one in his house.

Park somewhere else or get a taxi. Make it clear that sex is not on the cards. Why are you worried about doing that?

KatherineJaneway · 20/04/2021 05:46

@ElizabethTudor

Just don’t go inside. Say you’ve had a lovely evening, but you’ve got an early meeting so need to head off home now. Cheerio, thanks, byeeee. 😘

Agree with this.

Lampan · 20/04/2021 05:56

I’d probably pretend to miss the point of why he has suggested meeting at his house, by saying something like “oh no it’s fine, I’ll have no trouble finding the restaurant, I’ll meet you there”

I’ve had this before myself, years ago. I did indeed get invited in, and went in, but just said no to sex (also a seconds date). It shouldn’t be hard to say no. Looking back though, nowadays I wouldn’t have agreed to meet at his house just cos it’s such a blatant and annoying tactic.

Also I agree with everyone saying the whole date 3 thing is not really how you should be thinking. Date 3 is only one date after date 2 and you are clearly not feeling ready for it just yet. Wait as long as it takes and if he’s not on the same page then into the bin with him. No judgment, date 1 is fine too if that’s what you want but don’t be setting milestones and expectations like that before you even know how you will feel at the time.

KihoBebiluPute · 20/04/2021 06:06

Don't park at his house. Park 5 minutes away on the route between his house and the restaurant so that you can easily walk to the restaurant together as planned but afterwards you can walk with him as far as your car and part ways then.

After one date you don't know enough about him. Tbh just him having proposed this plan at all waves a red flag to me. It might be innocent but it might be part of a strategic plan to ensure you are incapable of driving home and put into a vulnerable position. Be careful.

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