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Original poster

Lack of text messaging... Do I move on or text?

79 replies

doitexthim · 14/04/2021 16:29

I've been seeing a guy from OLD for around a month now, we've seen each other 2-3 times a week, so quite a lot... He's always been consistent with texting 'good morning/night' and sending little updates/photos throughout the day. We've slept together 3 times. We met up on Sunday evening and had a lovely time, and he mentioned meeting up again tomorrow for a dinner date, which he was going to organise and book.

To be honest, he's been a lot more keen than I have (compliments etc.) He texts first most of the time and he told me he hasn't been on Tinder since we met, whereas I've been quite open with the fact that I've been checking my Tinder.

The last time I heard from him was Monday where he expressed what a lovely time he had the night before, wished me a good morning... then it's been radio silence. I heard nothing from him yesterday, or today so far, but he's been very active on social media. I don't feel like I want to text him to chase and pursue, I've always been a believer that if a man is truly interested he will make that clear. The thing is, I've had a couple of other offers of dates for tomorrow, but I've said no because I was meant to be meeting this guy for dinner...

Do I text him or leave it? I feel like I should accept other invitations, as he hasn't messaged to confirm anything, or tell me he's booked anything, and it's been radio silent which is very unlike him since Monday... IME lack of text messaging is usually the beginning of the end...

OP posts:
tobedtoMNandfart · 14/04/2021 16:54

I don't get OLD these days. You've been together a month, slept with him 3 times but you'd rather bin him off than ASK him what tomorrow's arrangements are / if he is OK?

Chocoqueen · 14/04/2021 16:56

Maybe he's realised he texts first most of the time and is waiting for you to text him? It sounds as though he's made it clear he likes you so if you like him back text him.

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 16:57

To be honest, I think it's cynicism and experience... I've had so many men ghost, breadcrumb, drift off... I guess it's a self preservation thing, I don't want it to drag on any longer if he's not interested and I don't want to mention tomorrow for him to just agree because I've mentioned it Confused... I know that sounds ridiculous, but the fact he's been silent for two days and not brought up tomorrow, it kind of makes me feel like I shouldn't chase him.

OP posts:
Chocoqueen · 14/04/2021 16:58

Plus, you've told him you're still using tinder - he's probably thinking you're not interested and doesn't want to waste his time.

tobedtoMNandfart · 14/04/2021 16:59

I hear you but it comes across as game playing. Can't you just be straight with him?

HollowTalk · 14/04/2021 16:59

In his position I would go quiet on someone who said they were still on Tinder.

FedNlanders · 14/04/2021 17:00

Just ask him

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 17:01

Yes, I did think that the Tinder thing would have put him off a bit... but we hadn't had a chat about exclusivity, just a vague chat that he wasn't meeting other women / hadn't checked his Tinder... I hate dating!

OP posts:
User5747384 · 14/04/2021 17:01

"In his position I would go quiet on someone who said they were still on Tinder."

Me too.

DelphiniumBlue · 14/04/2021 17:01

I think you should text, along the lines of "are we still on for Dinner tomorrow?".
I don't think that's chasing him as such, just firming up arrangements. If he doesn't reply fairly quickly then feel free to make other arrangements.

Chocoqueen · 14/04/2021 17:02

I get what you're saying, but to me - from your OP - it sounds as though he's interested in you and has been clear about that, but you're holding back. If I was him I'd be wondering what you were thinking and going down the route of if she's interested she'll let me know.

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 17:03

To be honest, I have held back and I do think he's been clear with his interest whereas I've been a lot more aloof.

I'm going to text him and see what happens, the worst that can happen is he blows me off and then at least I'll know and can meet someone else without it hanging over me Smile

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 14/04/2021 17:04

You describe him as keener than you, has come off tinder and texts first most of the time. I think he's realised that you see him as an option until someone better pops up on tinder. Your post makes you sound quite cocky.

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 17:06

@Justmuddlingalong Ah no. That's not how it is at all. I am keen on him, I've just always subscribed to the view that you date around / don't get too invested until things are 'exclusive'. I've been burnt too many times in the past by assuming exclusivity / being focussed on one person, only to be ghosted / breadcrumbed... I am just trying to not get too invested too soon!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 14/04/2021 17:08

You see it as not getting too invested, he might see it as you making not much effort.

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 17:09

Yes, you are absolutely right... I can see how it might have come across that way. Especially as he has mentioned to his friends / family that he's dating me, and I've been keeping things very casual.

I'm going to text him now and will update the thread with what happens.

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 14/04/2021 17:13

OP I totally get you...my experience of OLD means a lack or change of texting means a lessening of interest. I would text him about tomorrow as I can't help myself but if he's been initiating up till now and backed off a bit I would be prepared for the usual OLD withdrawal. It sucks it really does.

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 17:16

@Mermaidwaves Yes, that's been my experience too... in the men I've ended up in relationships with from OLD, I haven't had these issues... which makes me think he is losing / has lost interest.

OP posts:
sageflower · 14/04/2021 17:18

He probably hasn't booked anything that's why you haven't heard, go ahead with another date tbh as it's a bit short notice to book now, message him if your still interested though as others said he might think you weren't interested if he has contact you the most when it should be equal.

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 17:25

Well the text has been sent, so now we wait...

OP posts:
Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 17:30

So I got a response straight away, immediately telling me how busy work has been the last couple of days... but no actual answer to whether we'd be meeting tomorrow, I think it's safe to say that this is definitely the beginning of a drift off. Never mind, at least I know instead of agonising and wondering about it!

OP posts:
Dalooah · 14/04/2021 17:38

Would you say that if he's being quiet for since Monday, so have you? Wouldn't have hurt to text a casual good morning/ how are you when you didn't hear from him....if he's lost interest I think it's probably because you came across as uninterested?

Mermaidwaves · 14/04/2021 18:06

@doitexthim
Its crap isn't it! And yes I've had the busy at work line too, funny how convenient that is! I wish you all the best though and I'm sorry you've experienced this too Flowers

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 18:11

@Mermaidwaves Yes, it is funny how work gets busy all of a sudden isn't it! I just wish people were more honest, I could have made plans with other people for tomorrow night and go on with it. I think we have to always trust our gut!! Flowers

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 14/04/2021 18:14

No doubt he reads you as not very interested so if you are, text him for goodness sake. If he doesn't reply by 9pm then arrange one of your other options. Dating seems so complicated these days.