Lack of text messaging... Do I move on or text?

[doitexthim]

I've been seeing a guy from OLD for around a month now, we've seen each other 2-3 times a week, so quite a lot... He's always been consistent with texting 'good morning/night' and sending little updates/photos throughout the day. We've slept together 3 times. We met up on Sunday evening and had a lovely time, and he mentioned meeting up again tomorrow for a dinner date, which he was going to organise and book.

To be honest, he's been a lot more keen than I have (compliments etc.) He texts first most of the time and he told me he hasn't been on Tinder since we met, whereas I've been quite open with the fact that I've been checking my Tinder.

The last time I heard from him was Monday where he expressed what a lovely time he had the night before, wished me a good morning... then it's been radio silence. I heard nothing from him yesterday, or today so far, but he's been very active on social media. I don't feel like I want to text him to chase and pursue, I've always been a believer that if a man is truly interested he will make that clear. The thing is, I've had a couple of other offers of dates for tomorrow, but I've said no because I was meant to be meeting this guy for dinner...

Do I text him or leave it? I feel like I should accept other invitations, as he hasn't messaged to confirm anything, or tell me he's booked anything, and it's been radio silent which is very unlike him since Monday... IME lack of text messaging is usually the beginning of the end...

I have only ever spoken to men who are on Tinder, admittedly only a handful, but they all said they were only on it to get laid. They weren't interested in a relationship, just a shag.

Thinking a man will chase is a really unhealthy mindset that we need to get out of as a society. Match you step for step, yes. Chase, no. Provide reassurance at times, definitely, show interest, even keenness, definitely.

I read an interview with a guy who said he was only interesting in dating women who were enthusiastic about dating him and who made it clear they were interested. And if he was also interested he would make it clear too.

He saw it as his way of making sure he never put anyone in an awkward posting whilst dating, where they felt unsafe or coerced or pursued in a hunted/stalked sense.

It’s really easy for someone who wants to play you but doesn’t really care about you to make a show of pursuit. Some people like the thrill of the chase more than the end result. As soon as they catch you, they’ll want a new chase.

Build mutual trust step by step, different thing.

Personally I wouldn’t take more than a day or two of having to always text first etc. And if I told someone I’d taken down my profile and they said they were still looking, you wouldn’t see me for dust.

So I get why people put these kind of defences up. But they are unhealthy, easily breached and can ultimately stop you from connecting with someone genuine.

I think some people posting on here haven't had the experience I (and many others) have had. There is no commitment with OLD unless it is specifically spoken about. It should never be assumed. When I was very naive and new to the OLD dating scene, I assumed that after a few dates / sex, we were exclusive. Absolutely not, it's just not how it works.

The men I have ever ended up with relationships from OLD have all be consistent with their words and their actions, they don't ghost for days at a time without texting or calling, they don't suggest dates and then not follow through with them.

OP - your instincts were excellent, the way you do OLD is the ONLY way to do it successfully, and I think you will meet your person if you carry on that way

This ⬆️

I’ve online dated a lot and you have the right /healthy / successful mindset.

Also this: There is no commitment with OLD unless it is specifically spoken about. It should never be assumed.

Never ever assume. If a man wants to be exclusive he will raise it with you directly.

This is textbook perfect handling of this situation. You are not desperate and you deserve better than this.

It’s so hurtful but he has clearly indicated he is not into you. Or he would have followed through with dinner. It still hurts are you always hope this won’t happen.

Good luck with next dates. You are an inspiration